WHEN Marilyn Ramsell ran out of alcohol, she used to go on to the balcony of her flat and shout to people passing by, asking them to go to the shop to buy her bottles of vodka.

She didn't know them, but that didn't stop Marilyn giving her bank card to complete strangers. She was desperate for the next drink - it was all she could think about.

“The drink used to affect my legs really badly and I couldn't walk,” she recalls.

“So, I took to shouting off the balcony and giving people my debit card to go to the shop for me to get vodka. If they didn't, I would try to get there myself, usually that resulted in me falling over lots of times on the way.

“And I would cradle the bottle to me, worried not that I would fall and hurt myself, but that I would fall and smash it.

“One time, the shop assistant refused to serve me at eight in the morning, although it didn't stop me.

"I just went to the next shop in the street, and when she saw me sober she told me that it was because she couldn't believe the state of me, I was covered in cuts and bruises and bleeding pretty badly. I didn't even remember it.”

Now Marilyn is celebrating being three years sober thanks to a stint in rehab and SoAR, a self-run peer-led group of people in recovery from substance misuse.

“I don't think I would still be sober without this group,” explains the 62-year-old, who has one son.

“I was really awful.”

Marilyn can't really pinpoint when she started drinking.

It was seen as the “done thing” when she was growing up and escalated from there, getting worse when her marriage broke down and she lost her job.

She recalls picking her son, now 41, up from school many years ago and the teacher calling her in for a meeting about his behaviour, “My son was starting to play up at school, and when I went to the meeting with his teacher to try to find out why, she looked straight at me and said it was because of my drinking.

"I hated myself for it, and even now it haunts me what he must have gone through, seeing me in some of the states I used to get into, but I just couldn't stop.”

Marilyn explains how she was in denial about her drinking right through from her 20s to her late 40s, before realising that she did have a problem with alcohol, and that a couple of drinks before work in the morning was not the norm.

She then tried to give up her addictions for 15 years, going in and out of rehab and attempting multiple home or hospital detoxes until finally finding the support she needed with people who had been through similar experiences.

“I tried so many times to give up the drink, and each time I would think I was cured and then think to myself I will just have one drink....one drink always led to another.

“Over the years, I had come to rely on alcohol to relieve the stresses of everyday life, and I didn't think that I could cope without it. I was trapped in a cycle that was leading me to self-harm and overdose.

"I didn't realise the self-harm was linked to the alcohol abuse.”

But now, Marilyn enjoys her life so much more - she is peer mentor and activity co-ordinator at the SoAr group, which currently meets twice a week but is hoping to increase this to four sessions in the near future, and is hoping her story will inspire others who are struggling with addictions to reach out and ask for help and support.

“I would never have thought my life could be better when I was drinking, but it really is so much better now.

"I have been on holiday with my son and my three grandchildren.

"They are very proud of me now. It can be very hard for people to see the positives to being sober until after they are.

“It's not easy, but I'm confident now that with SoAR's support I can continue to remain sober, and I am hoping that if I can get through to just one person and inspire them to change their life around then it will all have been worth it.”

What is SoAR?

SoAR, Southampton Active Recovery, is holding an official launch party on January 30. 

It is associated with the charities Society of St James and Pathfinders and currently funded by the European Social Fund, offering a range of activities in an alcohol and drugs free environment, including training, therapies, arts and crafts and social activities.

Almost all the committee members are people who are in recovery from substance misuse, and the group is hoping to secure more permanent funding in the future and more volunteers, including a minutes secretary and anybody with committee skills, for its ever increasing list of activities.

Working group chairman Geoff Waugh explains how SoAR offers a unique support network, not available anywhere else in Southampton.

“It is very difficult when you become sober, as most of your friends and activities beforehand probably revolved around the pub, or substance misuse,” says the retired computer consultant.

”SoAR provides a new support network, a variety of things to do and a place to go.

“But, more importantly, it enables you to support yourself, and offer support to others, and for them to support you. It feels very much like a family.”

If you would like to volunteer for SoAR, or find out more about them, visit sotonactiverecovery.org.uk or ring 07745 275243 between 9am and 8pm.