HOW weird is this weather? It’s nearly May and I’ve been scraping my car windscreen in the morning. Last week, I was able to sit in the garden in just a bikini, but this week I’m dodging snow and hail. Does anyone have any idea what to wear? I leave the house dressed in four layers and a big coat, but I see people around and about in shorts and flip-flops. I can’t ever remember stranger weather. It’s like having four seasons in one day.

I’m sure that my kid’s main mission in life is to test me; to see how many times I can come up with an answer to the question ‘Why?’; to see how many foods she can spit out before I relent and give her chicken dippers and to make as much mess as she can, including stains. One afternoon this week, I was pushed to my limit when I realised that I hadn’t heard anything from her in a while. There was a very suspicious silence that I had to investigate. When I got upstairs, all I could do was let out an almighty “Aaaarrrggghhhh!” as I discovered her with my bright red nail varnish, trying to paint her own nails. Obviously she was just trying to be like Mummy, but Mummy doesn’t spill it on the carpet and brush it all over her hands.

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