These were the words going through my mind as I peered over the edge of the tower with what was essentially a large elastic band around my ankles.

In Hampshire, I can tell anyone I would like to try bungee jumping without the risk they will know how I could go about it.

However, in Perth, Australia, I made an offhand remark to my then girlfriend and just a few hours later I was staring down at the crowd of tiny antipodeans who would soon join the growing body of people who knew I was a coward.

I had always assumed bungee jumping would involve running off something, so any last minute touches of fear would be hidden by sweet momentum.

However, it quickly became apparent I would be expected to waddle to the edge of the tower with my ankles bound until just my heels were on the platform.

Also, the instructor looked a little bit too much like Crocodile Dundee for my liking.

As he was fitting me up with equipment he said: “Would you like some water?”

I gratefully accepted, as fear had sapped every morsel of moisture from my mouth.

I was even too traumatised to take in the impressive jiggling by upside down hotties.

With a heavy heart I approached the ledge. They counted me down, got to zero, and shouted bungee.

Yet I was still on the platform.

They looked confused, I looked confused, the people down below looked tiny and confused. My instinct to preserve life had stopped me leaping.

The instructor started saying things like “Do it for England.”

Even in my terrified state I remember thinking how irritating he was.

He went on to say I would get a second countdown and the cash I had spent on the video was non-refundable. He had managed to identify my mean-spirited nature and it struck a chord.

I still couldn’t bring myself to dive gracefully like a swan, so I just hopped aimlessly into thin air.

I had a vague feeling of still being thirsty and wondered what had happened to my bottle of Volvic.

As I plunged into the swimming pool below choking and spluttering, I realised I had misunderstood his offer.

I sighed with relief as I was taken back to dry land.

Now I could get on with the more pleasant aspect of adventurous sports – telling women I had done it.