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Tributes flood in for dead student
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| Christian Drane |
TRIBUTES have been paid to a Southampton student who was found hanged in the city.
Christian Drane was discovered in woods near Burlington Road in the Polygon area of Southampton.
Friends of the 21-year-old photography student from Southampton Solent University were yesterday struggling to come to terms with his death.
A special group called RIP Christian Drane, set up on social networking site Facebook, was flooded with tributes to Christian.
A message from friend Lee Thompson read: "What a great guy, I always wanted to get to know you better. I'll miss you. xxxx."
Howie French said: "You were always a great guy to be around. Once more the world is a darker place and it really sux dude, take care buddy. H x."
Becca Coward wrote: "You were so special, I'm going to miss you so much. You never failed to put a smile on everyone's face, so amazing and so talented. An amazing friend. Rest in peace, babe. X."
Mary Elizabeth Jennings added: "Love and thoughts to everyone missing Christian. Can't believe it. You where always ready with a smile. xx."
Staff at Southampton Solent University, where Christian was in his second year, also paid tribute to him.
A spokeswoman said: "We are shocked and saddened by the news, and our thoughts go out to Christian's family and friends at this difficult time."
A police spokeswoman confirmed a body of a 21-year-old man had been found in woods near Burlington Road in the Polygon area of Southampton shortly after midday on Sunday.
A spokesman for Southampton Coroner's Office said an inquest into Christian's death was likely to open tomorrow.
According to the Facebook tribute page his funeral is being held on March 28 in his hometown of Doncaster in South Yorkshire.
8:31am Wednesday 19th March 2008
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CommentPosted by: hmm on 8:50am Wed 19 Mar 08
How sad, you just cant imagine what was going through this poor guys mind.
RIP
How sad, you just cant imagine what was going through this poor guys mind.
RIP
Posted by: mmmmm, Southampton on 9:44am Wed 19 Mar 08
Very sad, he must have had his reasons, but I believe we have to be careful that these kids that commit suicide don't become heroes due to these internet condolence pages.
Very sad, he must have had his reasons, but I believe we have to be careful that these kids that commit suicide don't become heroes due to these internet condolence pages.
Posted by: Bazz, bedford Place on 10:24am Wed 19 Mar 08
I worked with Christian and he was loved by everyone, this is such a bad thing to happen to such a lovely person, everyone will miss u christian RIP buddy
I worked with Christian and he was loved by everyone, this is such a bad thing to happen to such a lovely person, everyone will miss u christian RIP buddy
Posted by: Richard Mushet, Doncaster on 11:48am Wed 19 Mar 08
RE: mmmmm, Southampton - that's all it is, a condolence page for the many people who knew him, both in his home town and university friends to vent some emotion to come to terms with what happened. Those same people will read this page and see your almost unsympathetic comments. Thank you for that(!)
Back on track, Chris was a brilliant person and will be sadly missed. My thoughts go out to his family and i hope that he is happy and at peace, wherever he is.
RE: mmmmm, Southampton - that's all it is, a condolence page for the many people who knew him, both in his home town and university friends to vent some emotion to come to terms with what happened. Those same people will read this page and see your almost unsympathetic comments. Thank you for that(!)
Back on track, Chris was a brilliant person and will be sadly missed. My thoughts go out to his family and i hope that he is happy and at peace, wherever he is.
Posted by: Becca, Southampton on 11:51am Wed 19 Mar 08
Christian was a hero, to all who knew him. A wonderful person, truly. The world just won't be the same without him. x
Christian was a hero, to all who knew him. A wonderful person, truly. The world just won't be the same without him. x
Posted by: Ruth, Southampton on 11:54am Wed 19 Mar 08
[quote][bold]Richard Mushet[/bold] wrote:
RE: mmmmm, Southampton - that's all it is, a condolence page for the many people who knew him, both in his home town and university friends to vent some emotion to come to terms with what happened. Those same people will read this page and see your almost unsympathetic comments. Thank you for that(!) Back on track, Chris was a brilliant person and will be sadly missed. My thoughts go out to his family and i hope that he is happy and at peace, wherever he is.[/quote] I understand where you are coming from here but I understand why mmmmmm said what they did - there has been a lot of publicity recently about Bridgend and whilst I don't really believe that others can be influenced by another's suicide, there definitely is something amiss with it all, and the news focus doesn't really help. I don't think the comment was meant to sound unsympathetic - merely pointing out that some do tend to "hero worship" those who take their own lives and that must be considered.
My sincere condolences to Chris's family - a tragic loss at a such a young age with everything to live for. I hope he is now at peace.
xxx
Richard Mushet wrote:
RE: mmmmm, Southampton - that's all it is, a condolence page for the many people who knew him, both in his home town and university friends to vent some emotion to come to terms with what happened. Those same people will read this page and see your almost unsympathetic comments. Thank you for that(!) Back on track, Chris was a brilliant person and will be sadly missed. My thoughts go out to his family and i hope that he is happy and at peace, wherever he is.
I understand where you are coming from here but I understand why mmmmmm said what they did - there has been a lot of publicity recently about Bridgend and whilst I don't really believe that others can be influenced by another's suicide, there definitely is something amiss with it all, and the news focus doesn't really help. I don't think the comment was meant to sound unsympathetic - merely pointing out that some do tend to "hero worship" those who take their own lives and that must be considered.
My sincere condolences to Chris's family - a tragic loss at a such a young age with everything to live for. I hope he is now at peace.
xxx
Posted by: Laurah, southampton on 12:00pm Wed 19 Mar 08
it was shortly after midday on sunday. if you're going to write a news story at least get the facts right. i saw him on saturday evening!
christian was one of my best friends and anyone commenting on here should bear in mind how it affects us who knew him.
think about how you will feel when a police officer comes knocking on your door to change your life for good. you would well remember what day it was and it was the 16th of march.
a hole has been torn into my life, and i find it outrageous that it could be reported wrong
it was shortly after midday on sunday. if you're going to write a news story at least get the facts right. i saw him on saturday evening!
christian was one of my best friends and anyone commenting on here should bear in mind how it affects us who knew him.
think about how you will feel when a police officer comes knocking on your door to change your life for good. you would well remember what day it was and it was the 16th of march.
a hole has been torn into my life, and i find it outrageous that it could be reported wrong
Posted by: Dave Edwards, Dibden Purlieu on 12:03pm Wed 19 Mar 08
My thoughts are with Christian's family and friends. It is so difficult to understand what is happening inside the heads of those who choose suicide. Someone told me it is like a heart-attack of the brain. Please don't blame Christian, or anyone else.
Following my youngest daughter's suicide last year, I have found help from the Child Death Helpline and also by joining Papyrus, who are trying to reduce the number of young suicides. They are at www.childdeathhelpli
ne.org.uk and www.papyrus-uk.org
My thoughts are with Christian's family and friends. It is so difficult to understand what is happening inside the heads of those who choose suicide. Someone told me it is like a heart-attack of the brain. Please don't blame Christian, or anyone else.
Following my youngest daughter's suicide last year, I have found help from the Child Death Helpline and also by joining Papyrus, who are trying to reduce the number of young suicides. They are at www.childdeathhelpli
ne.org.uk and www.papyrus-uk.org
Posted by: Holly Gains on 1:11pm Wed 19 Mar 08
[quote][bold]Laurah[/bold] wrote:
it was shortly after midday on sunday. if you\'re going to write a news story at least get the facts right. i saw him on saturday evening!
christian was one of my best friends and anyone commenting on here should bear in mind how it affects us who knew him.
think about how you will feel when a police officer comes knocking on your door to change your life for good. you would well remember what day it was and it was the 16th of march.
a hole has been torn into my life, and i find it outrageous that it could be reported wrong[/quote] [quote]anyone commenting on here should bear in mind how it affects us who knew him.[/quote]
That's a strange statement, do you think your friend thought how it would affect you ?
Laurah wrote:
it was shortly after midday on sunday. if you\'re going to write a news story at least get the facts right. i saw him on saturday evening!
christian was one of my best friends and anyone commenting on here should bear in mind how it affects us who knew him.
think about how you will feel when a police officer comes knocking on your door to change your life for good. you would well remember what day it was and it was the 16th of march.
a hole has been torn into my life, and i find it outrageous that it could be reported wrong
anyone commenting on here should bear in mind how it affects us who knew him.
That's a strange statement, do you think your friend thought how it would affect you ?
Posted by: Hugh Carres on 1:14pm Wed 19 Mar 08
[quote]A special group called RIP Christian Drane, set up on social networking site Facebook, was flooded with tributes to Christian.[/quote]
They needn't have bothered, it seems that yet again the new pages of this site are being used as a book of condolence.
Would it not be more thoughtful and respectful to send a card of flowers to his family ?
A special group called RIP Christian Drane, set up on social networking site Facebook, was flooded with tributes to Christian.
They needn't have bothered, it seems that yet again the new pages of this site are being used as a book of condolence.
Would it not be more thoughtful and respectful to send a card of flowers to his family ?
Posted by: Denzil, Chilworth on 1:21pm Wed 19 Mar 08
[quote][bold]mmmmm[/bold] wrote:
Very sad, he must have had his reasons, but I believe we have to be careful that these kids that commit suicide don't become heroes due to these internet condolence pages.[/quote] Exactly.
mmmmm wrote:
Very sad, he must have had his reasons, but I believe we have to be careful that these kids that commit suicide don't become heroes due to these internet condolence pages.
Exactly.
Posted by: Ye ya, soton on 1:39pm Wed 19 Mar 08
dont know who this guy is but what a tragedy... Whats going on. RIP mate, condolences to friends and family too. x
dont know who this guy is but what a tragedy... Whats going on. RIP mate, condolences to friends and family too. x
Posted by: James, Bedford Place on 1:45pm Wed 19 Mar 08
To be honest, his friends can comment what they like, where they like. You cannot come on here and criticise them for expressing grief, over whatever medium. As for suicide victims becoming 'heroes'? Pull the other one. It should not matter how many suicides there have been in the newspapers recently, Christian was clearly not at peace in this world and has left it behind. [bold]Give him some respect.[/bold]
To be honest, his friends can comment what they like, where they like. You cannot come on here and criticise them for expressing grief, over whatever medium. As for suicide victims becoming 'heroes'? Pull the other one. It should not matter how many suicides there have been in the newspapers recently, Christian was clearly not at peace in this world and has left it behind.
Give him some respect. Posted by: Jane, Southampton on 1:52pm Wed 19 Mar 08
For those who dont know christian and are commenting here, I find it unnecessary and insensitive you using this page as a 'debate' forum.
God bless you chris, I know you were a great friend and housemate to my sister, and you will be sorely missed. Rest in peace buddy.****
For those who dont know christian and are commenting here, I find it unnecessary and insensitive you using this page as a 'debate' forum.
God bless you chris, I know you were a great friend and housemate to my sister, and you will be sorely missed. Rest in peace buddy.****
Posted by: Margret, The Library on 1:59pm Wed 19 Mar 08
This is tragic, imagine the pain and sorry this young man must have been in, and with all his "friends" around him he felt this was his only wayout, very tragic.
This is tragic, imagine the pain and sorry this young man must have been in, and with all his "friends" around him he felt this was his only wayout, very tragic.
Posted by: Caitlin Reeve, Southampton Solent University on 2:15pm Wed 19 Mar 08
Christian was in the year above me in Photography, He was a lovely guy and the reason my friend and her boyfriend are happily together,I wish Id had the chance to get to know him better, but from what I did know he always had a smile on his face, and looked hiarious dressed as a robot for his birthday.
All my thoughts and love are with his friends and family.
This is such a sad thing to happen, and will be hard for everyone once we return to University.
Christian was in the year above me in Photography, He was a lovely guy and the reason my friend and her boyfriend are happily together,I wish Id had the chance to get to know him better, but from what I did know he always had a smile on his face, and looked hiarious dressed as a robot for his birthday.
All my thoughts and love are with his friends and family.
This is such a sad thing to happen, and will be hard for everyone once we return to University.
Posted by: Gabby Crewelwold on 2:31pm Wed 19 Mar 08
Some people say that suicide is a selfish and cowardly act....
Some people say that suicide is a selfish and cowardly act....
Posted by: Chris on 2:35pm Wed 19 Mar 08
I don't even want to continue what looks like is becoming a debate involving people that didn't even know Christian, but I just have to get a few things off my chest in responce to some of these comments.First off all the 'internet hero' remark..that facebook forum was set up to help the people who knew Christian to get each other through this dark hour and remember the good times.Then the remark made about what Laura said, who happens to be Chris' housemate and one of his best friends:
'That's a strange statement, do you think your friend thought how it would affect you ?'
How heartless to say to someone who has lost someone so important and vital to them.Finally,the comment that referred to Chris' friends in inverted commas..how dare you?Nobody knew what Christian was going through because he didn't talk to anyone. He knew we were here, but that didn't matter.Now please unless you knew him or are just leaving a few words of sympathy,leave this beautiful soul to rest in peace. All the love and support in the world towards his family during this horrific time,there are no words.****
I don't even want to continue what looks like is becoming a debate involving people that didn't even know Christian, but I just have to get a few things off my chest in responce to some of these comments.First off all the 'internet hero' remark..that facebook forum was set up to help the people who knew Christian to get each other through this dark hour and remember the good times.Then the remark made about what Laura said, who happens to be Chris' housemate and one of his best friends:
'That's a strange statement, do you think your friend thought how it would affect you ?'
How heartless to say to someone who has lost someone so important and vital to them.Finally,the comment that referred to Chris' friends in inverted commas..how dare you?Nobody knew what Christian was going through because he didn't talk to anyone. He knew we were here, but that didn't matter.Now please unless you knew him or are just leaving a few words of sympathy,leave this beautiful soul to rest in peace. All the love and support in the world towards his family during this horrific time,there are no words.****
Posted by: gwen, soton on 2:42pm Wed 19 Mar 08
This really is not the place to try to start arguements or debates. I don't think its appropriate or respectful, given that this young mans family and friends are coming on here to try to pay their respects and are confronted with comments such as those posted by "Margaret- The Library" and "Gabby".
I think they have enough to deal with already. My thoughts are with them all.
This really is not the place to try to start arguements or debates. I don't think its appropriate or respectful, given that this young mans family and friends are coming on here to try to pay their respects and are confronted with comments such as those posted by "Margaret- The Library" and "Gabby".
I think they have enough to deal with already. My thoughts are with them all.
Posted by: Creature Void of Form on 4:28pm Wed 19 Mar 08
[quote][bold]Jane[/bold] wrote:
For those who dont know christian and are commenting here, I find it unnecessary and insensitive you using this page as a 'debate' forum. God bless you chris, I know you were a great friend and housemate to my sister, and you will be sorely missed. Rest in peace buddy.**** [/quote] I am genuinely sorry for your loss, it is a tragic story BUT please don't try to dictate what people should be writing on this site. This is NOT a site for condolences, it is a place to comment on stories and regular users will know that there are people who will be insensitive, some on purpose, some not.
I suggest you go to the facebook site if you wish to avoid been offended as this is a public site for echo readers to comment on stories whether the stories are happy, amusing or tragic.
Why shouldn't someone who doesn't know Christian question what has happened? A debate about it might actually help somebody out there that is silently suffering.
Someone's tragic death should not be a reason for people to not discuss what has happened.
I am not supporting pointless insensitive comments though.
RIP
Jane wrote:
For those who dont know christian and are commenting here, I find it unnecessary and insensitive you using this page as a 'debate' forum. God bless you chris, I know you were a great friend and housemate to my sister, and you will be sorely missed. Rest in peace buddy.****
I am genuinely sorry for your loss, it is a tragic story BUT please don't try to dictate what people should be writing on this site. This is NOT a site for condolences, it is a place to comment on stories and regular users will know that there are people who will be insensitive, some on purpose, some not.
I suggest you go to the facebook site if you wish to avoid been offended as this is a public site for echo readers to comment on stories whether the stories are happy, amusing or tragic.
Why shouldn't someone who doesn't know Christian question what has happened? A debate about it might actually help somebody out there that is silently suffering.
Someone's tragic death should not be a reason for people to not discuss what has happened.
I am not supporting pointless insensitive comments though.
RIP
Posted by: Calm down on 6:59pm Wed 19 Mar 08
It's a fair question, and it's in the public domain. Just because it upsets you doesn't mean she has no right to make the point.
This is a facility for commenting on news articles. If you want to post condolences go to the condolence page for him on Facebook.
It's a fair question, and it's in the public domain. Just because it upsets you doesn't mean she has no right to make the point.
This is a facility for commenting on news articles. If you want to post condolences go to the condolence page for him on Facebook.
Posted by: Stephanie on 9:35pm Wed 19 Mar 08
I wasn't going to comment on here but after reading what some of you heartless idiots have written it has made me feel sick and livid...
fair enough you did not know this amazing person but how dare you come on here and say some things that you have said.
I don't want to add to the feud but I feel like I have to write this in order for Christian to know that I am [bold]livid[/bold] and very upset.
This is a place to show respect, share love and thoughts and grieve about Christian not add fuel to the flames that have already been created by this tragic event.
Christian, I love you.
R.I.P.
I wasn't going to comment on here but after reading what some of you heartless idiots have written it has made me feel sick and livid...
fair enough you did not know this amazing person but how dare you come on here and say some things that you have said.
I don't want to add to the feud but I feel like I have to write this in order for Christian to know that I am
livid and very upset.
This is a place to show respect, share love and thoughts and grieve about Christian not add fuel to the flames that have already been created by this tragic event.
Christian, I love you.
R.I.P.
Posted by: Courtney Fishe, somewhere on solent on 11:04pm Wed 19 Mar 08
[quote][bold]Creature Void of Form[/bold] wrote:
[quote][bold]Jane[/bold] wrote:
For those who dont know christian and are commenting here, I find it unnecessary and insensitive you using this page as a 'debate' forum. God bless you chris, I know you were a great friend and housemate to my sister, and you will be sorely missed. Rest in peace buddy.**** [/quote] I am genuinely sorry for your loss, it is a tragic story BUT please don't try to dictate what people should be writing on this site. This is NOT a site for condolences, it is a place to comment on stories and regular users will know that there are people who will be insensitive, some on purpose, some not.
I suggest you go to the facebook site if you wish to avoid been offended as this is a public site for echo readers to comment on stories whether the stories are happy, amusing or tragic.
Why shouldn't someone who doesn't know Christian question what has happened? A debate about it might actually help somebody out there that is silently suffering.
Someone's tragic death should not be a reason for people to not discuss what has happened.
I am not supporting pointless insensitive comments though.
RIP[/quote] Exactly! Stephanie your comments belong on 'Facebook'If you and the rest of your ilk cant take sites for discussions and debates then dont come here! you are far too over-emotional at this sad time to be thinking rationally my condolences to you and yours but as I did not know Christian it is not going to affect my life in any way is it?
Creature Void of Form wrote:
Jane wrote:
For those who dont know christian and are commenting here, I find it unnecessary and insensitive you using this page as a 'debate' forum. God bless you chris, I know you were a great friend and housemate to my sister, and you will be sorely missed. Rest in peace buddy.****
I am genuinely sorry for your loss, it is a tragic story BUT please don't try to dictate what people should be writing on this site. This is NOT a site for condolences, it is a place to comment on stories and regular users will know that there are people who will be insensitive, some on purpose, some not.
I suggest you go to the facebook site if you wish to avoid been offended as this is a public site for echo readers to comment on stories whether the stories are happy, amusing or tragic.
Why shouldn't someone who doesn't know Christian question what has happened? A debate about it might actually help somebody out there that is silently suffering.
Someone's tragic death should not be a reason for people to not discuss what has happened.
I am not supporting pointless insensitive comments though.
RIP
Exactly! Stephanie your comments belong on 'Facebook'If you and the rest of your ilk cant take sites for discussions and debates then dont come here! you are far too over-emotional at this sad time to be thinking rationally my condolences to you and yours but as I did not know Christian it is not going to affect my life in any way is it?
Posted by: Tim Dent, Farnborough on 11:06pm Wed 19 Mar 08
This man's suicide seems to have left a lot of people very upset. I bet he wishes now that he hadn't done it.
This man's suicide seems to have left a lot of people very upset. I bet he wishes now that he hadn't done it.
Posted by: charlie, southampton on 11:21pm Wed 19 Mar 08
what is wrong with u people...this is a tragedy and a lot of people are upset and greiving still for the loss of an amazing and talented young man. people really need to show some more respect and remember how lucky we all are to be here, and stop arguing over a tragic situation that has nothing to do with some people and a hell of alot to do with others...christian was such a little smiler i bet he would hate the thought of people making this whole terrible situation worse by arguing please have some more [bold]bold[/bold] [bold]bold[/bold] respect...take care chris. R.I.P xx
what is wrong with u people...this is a tragedy and a lot of people are upset and greiving still for the loss of an amazing and talented young man. people really need to show some more respect and remember how lucky we all are to be here, and stop arguing over a tragic situation that has nothing to do with some people and a hell of alot to do with others...christian was such a little smiler i bet he would hate the thought of people making this whole terrible situation worse by arguing please have some more respect...take care chris. R.I.P xx
Posted by: max on 12:13am Thu 20 Mar 08
i did not no christian, there is so much pressure on people these days , that some can not cope, its such a shame that they feel this is the only way out, im not sayig that this was the case but it is with most, my thoughts go out to all his family and friends rip
i did not no christian, there is so much pressure on people these days , that some can not cope, its such a shame that they feel this is the only way out, im not sayig that this was the case but it is with most, my thoughts go out to all his family and friends rip
Posted by: DFern, Florida USA on 3:02am Thu 20 Mar 08
Some people will never understand the depth of anguish and the void of the sentimental ego one has when their beloved one is suddenly gone and never to be seen again. Our prayers are with Christian's family,relative and all those who miss him so dearly.
Some people will never understand the depth of anguish and the void of the sentimental ego one has when their beloved one is suddenly gone and never to be seen again. Our prayers are with Christian's family,relative and all those who miss him so dearly.
Posted by: Holly Gains on 8:10am Thu 20 Mar 08
This boy sure had a lot of friends who seem to care a great deal about him - makes you think don't it ?
This boy sure had a lot of friends who seem to care a great deal about him - makes you think don't it ?
Posted by: drew, australia on 8:32am Thu 20 Mar 08
would all of those people posting on here rude and insensitive comments please have some sort of feelings for fellow human beings who've lost a great friend. i understand it's a free site for all to see but have you ever heard of a little thing called [bold]RESPECT[/bold]
r.i.p. mate
would all of those people posting on here rude and insensitive comments please have some sort of feelings for fellow human beings who've lost a great friend. i understand it's a free site for all to see but have you ever heard of a little thing called
RESPECT
r.i.p. mate
Posted by: Disco Stu on 8:55am Thu 20 Mar 08
[quote][bold]drew[/bold] wrote:
would all of those people posting on here rude and insensitive comments please have some sort of feelings for fellow human beings who\'ve lost a great friend. i understand it\'s a free site for all to see but have you ever heard of a little thing called [bold]RESPECT[/bold] r.i.p. mate[/quote] Aretha Franklin - 1966
Nice choice mate.
drew wrote:
would all of those people posting on here rude and insensitive comments please have some sort of feelings for fellow human beings who\'ve lost a great friend. i understand it\'s a free site for all to see but have you ever heard of a little thing called RESPECT r.i.p. mate
Aretha Franklin - 1966
Nice choice mate.
Posted by: Hugh Carres on 9:38am Thu 20 Mar 08
There seems to be two differing camps here - just to explain a little , we regular contributors who debate on this site do get a little annoyed from time to time.
It seems that whenever there is a tragedy, whether it be a drunk bumbling into a car late at night or a chav knife fight etc., transient contributors seem to use the site for condolence messages. This causes the friction we have been seeing.
As a compromise, could those wishing to use this as a forum for condolences request a separate link from the Echo, regular users can then use this page as the normal forum for debate on the issue of suicide.
How does that sound ?
There seems to be two differing camps here - just to explain a little , we regular contributors who debate on this site do get a little annoyed from time to time.
It seems that whenever there is a tragedy, whether it be a drunk bumbling into a car late at night or a chav knife fight etc., transient contributors seem to use the site for condolence messages. This causes the friction we have been seeing.
As a compromise, could those wishing to use this as a forum for condolences request a separate link from the Echo, regular users can then use this page as the normal forum for debate on the issue of suicide.
How does that sound ?
Posted by: Christoff on 10:06am Thu 20 Mar 08
[quote][bold]Hugh Carres[/bold] wrote:
There seems to be two differing camps here - just to explain a little , we regular contributors who debate on this site do get a little annoyed from time to time. It seems that whenever there is a tragedy, whether it be a drunk bumbling into a car late at night or a chav knife fight etc., transient contributors seem to use the site for condolence messages. This causes the friction we have been seeing. As a compromise, could those wishing to use this as a forum for condolences request a separate link from the Echo, regular users can then use this page as the normal forum for debate on the issue of suicide. How does that sound ? [/quote] very sensible
Hugh Carres wrote:
There seems to be two differing camps here - just to explain a little , we regular contributors who debate on this site do get a little annoyed from time to time. It seems that whenever there is a tragedy, whether it be a drunk bumbling into a car late at night or a chav knife fight etc., transient contributors seem to use the site for condolence messages. This causes the friction we have been seeing. As a compromise, could those wishing to use this as a forum for condolences request a separate link from the Echo, regular users can then use this page as the normal forum for debate on the issue of suicide. How does that sound ?
very sensible
Posted by: . . . someone who remembers, Northern England on 11:40am Thu 20 Mar 08
Actually - not that sensible . . .
There are people who wish to use this page as something more than condolences . . .
There are some people who wish to use this page as more than a discussion forum . . .
There are some people who just wish to read and understand their grief . . .
Both camps are right and I am not the one say that anyone has more right than another.
Regular posters on this forum, be careful - this is not yours to own. There are rules and regulations that stipulate usage of this medium - suggesting that non-regular posters have more right to post about a subject is just a bit passive-agressive and MORE likely to troll some abusive remarks . . . I take the suggestion for what it is, a practical suggestion to a heated debate that has gotten out of hand . . . However I would point out that regular uses could do the same and this still solves nothing . . .
For those of you that are here to post you condolences and thoughts - to you I ask that you do so with the best intentions, to help and heal in whatever small way you can - and leave it at that . . . people who did not know Christian will want to ask questions - the report above can only give a shallow 2D image of how Christian was with you. Questions and comments can seem harsh or insensitive . . . re-read than sometimes before you decide to take offense. Your thoughts DO help others, have no fear of posting how you feel . . .
As for me? Well - I would like to see both camps continue . . . I do not know how I feel and as part of the process of which I am going through, I wish to hear from everyone - yes there will be the occasional comment or Troll wanting to cause mischief or hurt - there are those who actively look for such articles to entertain themselves with childish comments for the reaction they get. Ignore them? Sometimes . . . Pity them? Always.
There will be advice, discussion, stories, questions and emotion in differing quantities when something like this happens . . . There is no particular place that is more appropriate for any of them - This is just a place for it all to come together - Facebook is another place - A room full of people or a moment on your own is another place . . .
As if common sense and understanding were not enough to justify my stance then I will say one more thing . . .
Christian was family . . . I held him when he was a baby, ate food, visited places, went on holiday, talked, joked, laughed, played games, slept in the same rooms . . . I am even sure that we have passed on the occasional cough or cold to each other. Later in his life he has lived further away, matured, spread his wings and learned. I saw Christian infrequently over that last few years of his life, updates and family chat filled me in on whatever he was doing and where he as based. As I said above - I do not know how I feel. Do I have questions? Yes, do I have feelings? again yes . . . Do I know what to do? No . . .
Some of you will have known him for a short period - some longer - some not at all. Come and read about Christian and how he was with the world and the people in it. Offer advice, sympathy, memories . . . do not offer to show people the door.
For all of you that have offered sympathy and prayer - advice and information, thank you. I will ensure that the messages are passed on . . .
Actually - not that sensible . . .
There are people who wish to use this page as something more than condolences . . .
There are some people who wish to use this page as more than a discussion forum . . .
There are some people who just wish to read and understand their grief . . .
Both camps are right and I am not the one say that anyone has more right than another.
Regular posters on this forum, be careful - this is not yours to own. There are rules and regulations that stipulate usage of this medium - suggesting that non-regular posters have more right to post about a subject is just a bit passive-agressive and MORE likely to troll some abusive remarks . . . I take the suggestion for what it is, a practical suggestion to a heated debate that has gotten out of hand . . . However I would point out that regular uses could do the same and this still solves nothing . . .
For those of you that are here to post you condolences and thoughts - to you I ask that you do so with the best intentions, to help and heal in whatever small way you can - and leave it at that . . . people who did not know Christian will want to ask questions - the report above can only give a shallow 2D image of how Christian was with you. Questions and comments can seem harsh or insensitive . . . re-read than sometimes before you decide to take offense. Your thoughts DO help others, have no fear of posting how you feel . . .
As for me? Well - I would like to see both camps continue . . . I do not know how I feel and as part of the process of which I am going through, I wish to hear from everyone - yes there will be the occasional comment or Troll wanting to cause mischief or hurt - there are those who actively look for such articles to entertain themselves with childish comments for the reaction they get. Ignore them? Sometimes . . . Pity them? Always.
There will be advice, discussion, stories, questions and emotion in differing quantities when something like this happens . . . There is no particular place that is more appropriate for any of them - This is just a place for it all to come together - Facebook is another place - A room full of people or a moment on your own is another place . . .
As if common sense and understanding were not enough to justify my stance then I will say one more thing . . .
Christian was family . . . I held him when he was a baby, ate food, visited places, went on holiday, talked, joked, laughed, played games, slept in the same rooms . . . I am even sure that we have passed on the occasional cough or cold to each other. Later in his life he has lived further away, matured, spread his wings and learned. I saw Christian infrequently over that last few years of his life, updates and family chat filled me in on whatever he was doing and where he as based. As I said above - I do not know how I feel. Do I have questions? Yes, do I have feelings? again yes . . . Do I know what to do? No . . .
Some of you will have known him for a short period - some longer - some not at all. Come and read about Christian and how he was with the world and the people in it. Offer advice, sympathy, memories . . . do not offer to show people the door.
For all of you that have offered sympathy and prayer - advice and information, thank you. I will ensure that the messages are passed on . . .
Posted by: Unknown on 12:15pm Thu 20 Mar 08
I knew Christian and am still struggling to believe that this has really happened. I think people need to be aware that the facebook site has not been set up to create a 'hero' nor is it some sort of cult. It is simply because Christian knew a lot of people all over the country, a lot of us students on Easter break and so away from Southampton and our friends whom we wish to share our grief with. It is times like this that you really need your friends around you and while the physical distance is there we can still keep in touch and support each other, share memories with others who knew him and photos to help remember.
So for all of you out there suggesting that the facebook group is wrong and that Christian might start a trend, I say quite simply you are wrong. There is no trend only a lot of sad, grieving friends and family trying to come to terms with what has happened and support each other through a very difficult time. Christian was a truly amazing person and too good for this world. I only hope that he is now happy, in a better place where I am sure he will be treasured as he was here.
I knew Christian and am still struggling to believe that this has really happened. I think people need to be aware that the facebook site has not been set up to create a 'hero' nor is it some sort of cult. It is simply because Christian knew a lot of people all over the country, a lot of us students on Easter break and so away from Southampton and our friends whom we wish to share our grief with. It is times like this that you really need your friends around you and while the physical distance is there we can still keep in touch and support each other, share memories with others who knew him and photos to help remember.
So for all of you out there suggesting that the facebook group is wrong and that Christian might start a trend, I say quite simply you are wrong. There is no trend only a lot of sad, grieving friends and family trying to come to terms with what has happened and support each other through a very difficult time. Christian was a truly amazing person and too good for this world. I only hope that he is now happy, in a better place where I am sure he will be treasured as he was here.
Posted by: Hugh Carres on 12:45pm Thu 20 Mar 08
[quote][bold]. . . someone who remembers[/bold] wrote:
Actually - not that sensible . . .
There are people who wish to use this page as something more than condolences . . .
There are some people who wish to use this page as more than a discussion forum . . .
There are some people who just wish to read and understand their grief . . .
Both camps are right and I am not the one say that anyone has more right than another.
Regular posters on this forum, be careful - this is not yours to own. There are rules and regulations that stipulate usage of this medium - suggesting that non-regular posters have more right to post about a subject is just a bit passive-agressive and MORE likely to troll some abusive remarks . . . I take the suggestion for what it is, a practical suggestion to a heated debate that has gotten out of hand . . . However I would point out that regular uses could do the same and this still solves nothing . . .
For those of you that are here to post you condolences and thoughts - to you I ask that you do so with the best intentions, to help and heal in whatever small way you can - and leave it at that . . . people who did not know Christian will want to ask questions - the report above can only give a shallow 2D image of how Christian was with you. Questions and comments can seem harsh or insensitive . . . re-read than sometimes before you decide to take offense. Your thoughts DO help others, have no fear of posting how you feel . . .
As for me? Well - I would like to see both camps continue . . . I do not know how I feel and as part of the process of which I am going through, I wish to hear from everyone - yes there will be the occasional comment or Troll wanting to cause mischief or hurt - there are those who actively look for such articles to entertain themselves with childish comments for the reaction they get. Ignore them? Sometimes . . . Pity them? Always.
There will be advice, discussion, stories, questions and emotion in differing quantities when something like this happens . . . There is no particular place that is more appropriate for any of them - This is just a place for it all to come together - Facebook is another place - A room full of people or a moment on your own is another place . . .
As if common sense and understanding were not enough to justify my stance then I will say one more thing . . .
Christian was family . . . I held him when he was a baby, ate food, visited places, went on holiday, talked, joked, laughed, played games, slept in the same rooms . . . I am even sure that we have passed on the occasional cough or cold to each other. Later in his life he has lived further away, matured, spread his wings and learned. I saw Christian infrequently over that last few years of his life, updates and family chat filled me in on whatever he was doing and where he as based. As I said above - I do not know how I feel. Do I have questions? Yes, do I have feelings? again yes . . . Do I know what to do? No . . .
Some of you will have known him for a short period - some longer - some not at all. Come and read about Christian and how he was with the world and the people in it. Offer advice, sympathy, memories . . . do not offer to show people the door.
For all of you that have offered sympathy and prayer - advice and information, thank you. I will ensure that the messages are passed on . . .[/quote] This is all very condescending and judgmental.
I am an honest man, honest enough to say I did not know the young man or have any connection to his life. Therefore I do not feel any greater sadness over this or any other non-criminal death which will be occurring around the world at this very moment.
I am however very interested in healthy debate regarding suicide and particularly what it is in the human psyche that compels people to grieve for total strangers in the manner in which we see on this website from time to time. I, along with many 'regulars' would welcome debate on why someone who seems to have so many people who love him around him and has what appears to be a decent life to look forward to would chose such a course of action.
Unfortunately this cannot happen openly because of all the grievers who automatically take offence to such debate.
It is for that reason I suggest they go elsewhere....... facebook for instance.
. . . someone who remembers wrote:
Actually - not that sensible . . .
There are people who wish to use this page as something more than condolences . . .
There are some people who wish to use this page as more than a discussion forum . . .
There are some people who just wish to read and understand their grief . . .
Both camps are right and I am not the one say that anyone has more right than another.
Regular posters on this forum, be careful - this is not yours to own. There are rules and regulations that stipulate usage of this medium - suggesting that non-regular posters have more right to post about a subject is just a bit passive-agressive and MORE likely to troll some abusive remarks . . . I take the suggestion for what it is, a practical suggestion to a heated debate that has gotten out of hand . . . However I would point out that regular uses could do the same and this still solves nothing . . .
For those of you that are here to post you condolences and thoughts - to you I ask that you do so with the best intentions, to help and heal in whatever small way you can - and leave it at that . . . people who did not know Christian will want to ask questions - the report above can only give a shallow 2D image of how Christian was with you. Questions and comments can seem harsh or insensitive . . . re-read than sometimes before you decide to take offense. Your thoughts DO help others, have no fear of posting how you feel . . .
As for me? Well - I would like to see both camps continue . . . I do not know how I feel and as part of the process of which I am going through, I wish to hear from everyone - yes there will be the occasional comment or Troll wanting to cause mischief or hurt - there are those who actively look for such articles to entertain themselves with childish comments for the reaction they get. Ignore them? Sometimes . . . Pity them? Always.
There will be advice, discussion, stories, questions and emotion in differing quantities when something like this happens . . . There is no particular place that is more appropriate for any of them - This is just a place for it all to come together - Facebook is another place - A room full of people or a moment on your own is another place . . .
As if common sense and understanding were not enough to justify my stance then I will say one more thing . . .
Christian was family . . . I held him when he was a baby, ate food, visited places, went on holiday, talked, joked, laughed, played games, slept in the same rooms . . . I am even sure that we have passed on the occasional cough or cold to each other. Later in his life he has lived further away, matured, spread his wings and learned. I saw Christian infrequently over that last few years of his life, updates and family chat filled me in on whatever he was doing and where he as based. As I said above - I do not know how I feel. Do I have questions? Yes, do I have feelings? again yes . . . Do I know what to do? No . . .
Some of you will have known him for a short period - some longer - some not at all. Come and read about Christian and how he was with the world and the people in it. Offer advice, sympathy, memories . . . do not offer to show people the door.
For all of you that have offered sympathy and prayer - advice and information, thank you. I will ensure that the messages are passed on . . .
This is all very condescending and judgmental.
I am an honest man, honest enough to say I did not know the young man or have any connection to his life. Therefore I do not feel any greater sadness over this or any other non-criminal death which will be occurring around the world at this very moment.
I am however very interested in healthy debate regarding suicide and particularly what it is in the human psyche that compels people to grieve for total strangers in the manner in which we see on this website from time to time. I, along with many 'regulars' would welcome debate on why someone who seems to have so many people who love him around him and has what appears to be a decent life to look forward to would chose such a course of action.
Unfortunately this cannot happen openly because of all the grievers who automatically take offence to such debate.
It is for that reason I suggest they go elsewhere....... facebook for instance.
Posted by: me, here on 1:20pm Thu 20 Mar 08
why cant there be both? people want to pay their respects - good. people want to debate it, good - might stop it happening again. this is a tragic event, all can see that. stop bickering and put a bit of humanity and humility into your posts.
why cant there be both? people want to pay their respects - good. people want to debate it, good - might stop it happening again. this is a tragic event, all can see that. stop bickering and put a bit of humanity and humility into your posts.
Posted by: Hugh Carres on 1:25pm Thu 20 Mar 08
[quote][bold]me[/bold] wrote:
why cant there be both? people want to pay their respects - good. people want to debate it, good - might stop it happening again. this is a tragic event, all can see that. stop bickering and put a bit of humanity and humility into your posts.[/quote] Think you just answered your own question there.
(Clue - Those that want to leave grieving messages seem to be a bit upset at the others.)
me wrote:
why cant there be both? people want to pay their respects - good. people want to debate it, good - might stop it happening again. this is a tragic event, all can see that. stop bickering and put a bit of humanity and humility into your posts.
Think you just answered your own question there.
(Clue - Those that want to leave grieving messages seem to be a bit upset at the others.)
Posted by: . . . someone who remember, Northern England on 1:52pm Thu 20 Mar 08
[quote][bold]Hugh Carres[/bold] wrote:
[quote][bold]me[/bold] wrote:
why cant there be both? people want to pay their respects - good. people want to debate it, good - might stop it happening again. this is a tragic event, all can see that. stop bickering and put a bit of humanity and humility into your posts.[/quote] Think you just answered your own question there.
(Clue - Those that want to leave grieving messages seem to be a bit upset at the others.)[/quote] Condescending and judgmental . . . I may have been - trying to get two tribes to see that they can share the same stretch river was my intention . . .
I would like to see (and am interested) in your debate and would like to see it unfold here, please do so rather than focusing your energy on . . . well, being condescending and judgmental . . .
Hugh Carres wrote:
me wrote:
why cant there be both? people want to pay their respects - good. people want to debate it, good - might stop it happening again. this is a tragic event, all can see that. stop bickering and put a bit of humanity and humility into your posts.
Think you just answered your own question there.
(Clue - Those that want to leave grieving messages seem to be a bit upset at the others.)
Condescending and judgmental . . . I may have been - trying to get two tribes to see that they can share the same stretch river was my intention . . .
I would like to see (and am interested) in your debate and would like to see it unfold here, please do so rather than focusing your energy on . . . well, being condescending and judgmental . . .
Posted by: Disco Stu on 5:06pm Thu 20 Mar 08
Frankie goes to Hollywood - 1983
another cracking tune.
Frankie goes to Hollywood - 1983
another cracking tune.
Posted by: Hugh Carres on 5:49pm Thu 20 Mar 08
[quote][bold]. . . someone who remember[/bold] wrote:
[quote][bold]Hugh Carres[/bold] wrote:
[quote][bold]me[/bold] wrote:
why cant there be both? people want to pay their respects - good. people want to debate it, good - might stop it happening again. this is a tragic event, all can see that. stop bickering and put a bit of humanity and humility into your posts.[/quote] Think you just answered your own question there.
(Clue - Those that want to leave grieving messages seem to be a bit upset at the others.)[/quote] Condescending and judgmental . . . I may have been - trying to get two tribes to see that they can share the same stretch river was my intention . . .
I would like to see (and am interested) in your debate and would like to see it unfold here, please do so rather than focusing your energy on . . . well, being condescending and judgmental . . .[/quote] Okay, you asked for it.... the 'Report this Post' button is down there on the right !
If someone loses their life through no choice of their own - say due to a criminal act, incurable disease or natural causes is it right for a bunch of perfect strangers to go online and lament over their passing..... and what if someone takes their own life, should we do the same ?
. . . someone who remember wrote:
Hugh Carres wrote:
me wrote:
why cant there be both? people want to pay their respects - good. people want to debate it, good - might stop it happening again. this is a tragic event, all can see that. stop bickering and put a bit of humanity and humility into your posts.
Think you just answered your own question there.
(Clue - Those that want to leave grieving messages seem to be a bit upset at the others.)
Condescending and judgmental . . . I may have been - trying to get two tribes to see that they can share the same stretch river was my intention . . .
I would like to see (and am interested) in your debate and would like to see it unfold here, please do so rather than focusing your energy on . . . well, being condescending and judgmental . . .
Okay, you asked for it.... the 'Report this Post' button is down there on the right !
If someone loses their life through no choice of their own - say due to a criminal act, incurable disease or natural causes is it right for a bunch of perfect strangers to go online and lament over their passing..... and what if someone takes their own life, should we do the same ?
Posted by: Mrs. De Pointe on 5:50pm Thu 20 Mar 08
I didn't know that there were woods near Burlington Road, Polygon. Where are they then ?
I didn't know that there were woods near Burlington Road, Polygon. Where are they then ?
Posted by: Under Treatment on 6:12pm Thu 20 Mar 08
I am suffering for severe depression and am being treated for it. I is a long and I find painful experience. I have, on many occations thought about taking my own life, and on occation that of my children. And I can tell you for certain it that sort of thought can rip your very sole from your body and stamp all over it. I live day to day with deep sadness and an overwhelming feeling of dispare. But the last thing I want is any sympathy, in fact the very thought that someone might for one microsecond, feel the slightest pity for me, revolting. So in essence, summing up, all you so called friends and "oh, it was such a shock"s did not understand a thing about what he might have been going through, he would not have wanted you to know, and probably still doesn't. He wanted for everything to stop. So there you have it, one very tiny climpse into the the world of the suicidal mind. Does that make any of you feel better?
I am suffering for severe depression and am being treated for it. I is a long and I find painful experience. I have, on many occations thought about taking my own life, and on occation that of my children. And I can tell you for certain it that sort of thought can rip your very sole from your body and stamp all over it. I live day to day with deep sadness and an overwhelming feeling of dispare. But the last thing I want is any sympathy, in fact the very thought that someone might for one microsecond, feel the slightest pity for me, revolting. So in essence, summing up, all you so called friends and "oh, it was such a shock"s did not understand a thing about what he might have been going through, he would not have wanted you to know, and probably still doesn't. He wanted for everything to stop. So there you have it, one very tiny climpse into the the world of the suicidal mind. Does that make any of you feel better?
Posted by: Under treatment on 6:14pm Thu 20 Mar 08
one more thing, the jokes help to numb the pain.
one more thing, the jokes help to numb the pain.
Posted by: Stacie, Southampton on 9:51pm Thu 20 Mar 08
I never knew Christian but, I do know people who did know him, some were closer to him than others obviously. This does not effect the fact that they are upset by his death. Some people will just miss seeing him around uni and other will miss saying hello in corridors. His family will definately miss hearing his voice and seeing him wake in the morning. I'm sure he did not do what he did for the sake of the attention or becoming a 'hero' as some have said. He did it for him. People say suicide is a selfish act but when times are bad isn't everybody selfish? You either want to talk about the problem and then the conversation is all about you or you walk round feeling sorry for yourself. Can nobody think about the pain he felt as he was hanging there. It may have even been an accident and he didn't actually mean to kill himself. He may have been killed but been set-up to look like suicide (I know it's a long shot but could happen)
There are many people who will feel pain and obviously the pain is nothing like Christian felt to act in such a way. It's a shame that he did not want to talk or feel like anybody would understand him. Maybe people can learn from this and talk to their friends and family about problems they have.
It is good that the Facebook group has been set up because his friends can find peace by talking to each other.
Somebody has said send flowers and cards...I have had family deaths and cards or flowers mean nothing but seeing people talk about the person and have memories about them means more than anything because you can share experiences and laugh about the fun times, which is better than crying about this sad time.
I just hope that his act was the best option for him because of everything he left behind. I hope his family and friends find peace after the tragedy. I hope he rests in peace x
I never knew Christian but, I do know people who did know him, some were closer to him than others obviously. This does not effect the fact that they are upset by his death. Some people will just miss seeing him around uni and other will miss saying hello in corridors. His family will definately miss hearing his voice and seeing him wake in the morning. I'm sure he did not do what he did for the sake of the attention or becoming a 'hero' as some have said. He did it for him. People say suicide is a selfish act but when times are bad isn't everybody selfish? You either want to talk about the problem and then the conversation is all about you or you walk round feeling sorry for yourself. Can nobody think about the pain he felt as he was hanging there. It may have even been an accident and he didn't actually mean to kill himself. He may have been killed but been set-up to look like suicide (I know it's a long shot but could happen)
There are many people who will feel pain and obviously the pain is nothing like Christian felt to act in such a way. It's a shame that he did not want to talk or feel like anybody would understand him. Maybe people can learn from this and talk to their friends and family about problems they have.
It is good that the Facebook group has been set up because his friends can find peace by talking to each other.
Somebody has said send flowers and cards...I have had family deaths and cards or flowers mean nothing but seeing people talk about the person and have memories about them means more than anything because you can share experiences and laugh about the fun times, which is better than crying about this sad time.
I just hope that his act was the best option for him because of everything he left behind. I hope his family and friends find peace after the tragedy. I hope he rests in peace x
Posted by: harriet, southampton/crowthor
ne on 10:07pm Thu 20 Mar 08
[quote][bold]Hugh Carres[/bold] wrote:
[quote][bold]. . . someone who remembers[/bold] wrote:
Actually - not that sensible . . .
There are people who wish to use this page as something more than condolences . . .
There are some people who wish to use this page as more than a discussion forum . . .
There are some people who just wish to read and understand their grief . . .
Both camps are right and I am not the one say that anyone has more right than another.
Regular posters on this forum, be careful - this is not yours to own. There are rules and regulations that stipulate usage of this medium - suggesting that non-regular posters have more right to post about a subject is just a bit passive-agressive and MORE likely to troll some abusive remarks . . . I take the suggestion for what it is, a practical suggestion to a heated debate that has gotten out of hand . . . However I would point out that regular uses could do the same and this still solves nothing . . .
For those of you that are here to post you condolences and thoughts - to you I ask that you do so with the best intentions, to help and heal in whatever small way you can - and leave it at that . . . people who did not know Christian will want to ask questions - the report above can only give a shallow 2D image of how Christian was with you. Questions and comments can seem harsh or insensitive . . . re-read than sometimes before you decide to take offense. Your thoughts DO help others, have no fear of posting how you feel . . .
As for me? Well - I would like to see both camps continue . . . I do not know how I feel and as part of the process of which I am going through, I wish to hear from everyone - yes there will be the occasional comment or Troll wanting to cause mischief or hurt - there are those who actively look for such articles to entertain themselves with childish comments for the reaction they get. Ignore them? Sometimes . . . Pity them? Always.
There will be advice, discussion, stories, questions and emotion in differing quantities when something like this happens . . . There is no particular place that is more appropriate for any of them - This is just a place for it all to come together - Facebook is another place - A room full of people or a moment on your own is another place . . .
As if common sense and understanding were not enough to justify my stance then I will say one more thing . . .
Christian was family . . . I held him when he was a baby, ate food, visited places, went on holiday, talked, joked, laughed, played games, slept in the same rooms . . . I am even sure that we have passed on the occasional cough or cold to each other. Later in his life he has lived further away, matured, spread his wings and learned. I saw Christian infrequently over that last few years of his life, updates and family chat filled me in on whatever he was doing and where he as based. As I said above - I do not know how I feel. Do I have questions? Yes, do I have feelings? again yes . . . Do I know what to do? No . . .
Some of you will have known him for a short period - some longer - some not at all. Come and read about Christian and how he was with the world and the people in it. Offer advice, sympathy, memories . . . do not offer to show people the door.
For all of you that have offered sympathy and prayer - advice and information, thank you. I will ensure that the messages are passed on . . .[/quote] This is all very condescending and judgmental.
I am an honest man, honest enough to say I did not know the young man or have any connection to his life. Therefore I do not feel any greater sadness over this or any other non-criminal death which will be occurring around the world at this very moment.
I am however very interested in healthy debate regarding suicide and particularly what it is in the human psyche that compels people to grieve for total strangers in the manner in which we see on this website from time to time. I, along with many \'regulars\' would welcome debate on why someone who seems to have so many people who love him around him and has what appears to be a decent life to look forward to would chose such a course of action.
Unfortunately this cannot happen openly because of all the grievers who automatically take offence to such debate.
It is for that reason I suggest they go elsewhere....... facebook for instance.[/quote] right... [bold]i have completely had it, i have been reading this since it has started, i am ones of his friends, not a close one, but a friend. we are not at university, we are all upset, we dont have our friends with us, we dont really know what happened, we come to read this article to see if there is anything more to be said, and we read your comments. maybe if you people had any heart, you would realise there is a lot of hurt people, and they need reasons, but they do not need your nasty comments. why dont you go on a new website all together and say horrid things to each-other where we can not see it. it would be great if you could have some respect and stop writing these upsetting thing. he had many friends, he was an amazing guy, i really wish you could stop your discussions, get a grip and stop trying to make a debate with Christians loved ones.
Hugh Carres wrote:
. . . someone who remembers wrote:
Actually - not that sensible . . .
There are people who wish to use this page as something more than condolences . . .
There are some people who wish to use this page as more than a discussion forum . . .
There are some people who just wish to read and understand their grief . . .
Both camps are right and I am not the one say that anyone has more right than another.
Regular posters on this forum, be careful - this is not yours to own. There are rules and regulations that stipulate usage of this medium - suggesting that non-regular posters have more right to post about a subject is just a bit passive-agressive and MORE likely to troll some abusive remarks . . . I take the suggestion for what it is, a practical suggestion to a heated debate that has gotten out of hand . . . However I would point out that regular uses could do the same and this still solves nothing . . .
For those of you that are here to post you condolences and thoughts - to you I ask that you do so with the best intentions, to help and heal in whatever small way you can - and leave it at that . . . people who did not know Christian will want to ask questions - the report above can only give a shallow 2D image of how Christian was with you. Questions and comments can seem harsh or insensitive . . . re-read than sometimes before you decide to take offense. Your thoughts DO help others, have no fear of posting how you feel . . .
As for me? Well - I would like to see both camps continue . . . I do not know how I feel and as part of the process of which I am going through, I wish to hear from everyone - yes there will be the occasional comment or Troll wanting to cause mischief or hurt - there are those who actively look for such articles to entertain themselves with childish comments for the reaction they get. Ignore them? Sometimes . . . Pity them? Always.
There will be advice, discussion, stories, questions and emotion in differing quantities when something like this happens . . . There is no particular place that is more appropriate for any of them - This is just a place for it all to come together - Facebook is another place - A room full of people or a moment on your own is another place . . .
As if common sense and understanding were not enough to justify my stance then I will say one more thing . . .
Christian was family . . . I held him when he was a baby, ate food, visited places, went on holiday, talked, joked, laughed, played games, slept in the same rooms . . . I am even sure that we have passed on the occasional cough or cold to each other. Later in his life he has lived further away, matured, spread his wings and learned. I saw Christian infrequently over that last few years of his life, updates and family chat filled me in on whatever he was doing and where he as based. As I said above - I do not know how I feel. Do I have questions? Yes, do I have feelings? again yes . . . Do I know what to do? No . . .
Some of you will have known him for a short period - some longer - some not at all. Come and read about Christian and how he was with the world and the people in it. Offer advice, sympathy, memories . . . do not offer to show people the door.
For all of you that have offered sympathy and prayer - advice and information, thank you. I will ensure that the messages are passed on . . .
This is all very condescending and judgmental.
I am an honest man, honest enough to say I did not know the young man or have any connection to his life. Therefore I do not feel any greater sadness over this or any other non-criminal death which will be occurring around the world at this very moment.
I am however very interested in healthy debate regarding suicide and particularly what it is in the human psyche that compels people to grieve for total strangers in the manner in which we see on this website from time to time. I, along with many \'regulars\' would welcome debate on why someone who seems to have so many people who love him around him and has what appears to be a decent life to look forward to would chose such a course of action.
Unfortunately this cannot happen openly because of all the grievers who automatically take offence to such debate.
It is for that reason I suggest they go elsewhere....... facebook for instance.
right... i have completely had it, i have been reading this since it has started, i am ones of his friends, not a close one, but a friend. we are not at university, we are all upset, we dont have our friends with us, we dont really know what happened, we come to read this article to see if there is anything more to be said, and we read your comments. maybe if you people had any heart, you would realise there is a lot of hurt people, and they need reasons, but they do not need your nasty comments. why dont you go on a new website all together and say horrid things to each-other where we can not see it. it would be great if you could have some respect and stop writing these upsetting thing. he had many friends, he was an amazing guy, i really wish you could stop your discussions, get a grip and stop trying to make a debate with Christians loved ones.
Posted by: Margret, on dial-up on 11:28am Fri 21 Mar 08
There seems to be, naturally, a large amount of anger. At the moment it is being missdirected at commentors and each other. This is the blame syndrome, similer to the case where a relative that, although smoked all their lives, and ends up riddled with cancer, dies in hospital and the relitive then blame the doctors, hospital, tobacco companies etc.... for their loss. When you finally come to terms with who you are really angry with, the sooner you will start the greaving progress.
There seems to be, naturally, a large amount of anger. At the moment it is being missdirected at commentors and each other. This is the blame syndrome, similer to the case where a relative that, although smoked all their lives, and ends up riddled with cancer, dies in hospital and the relitive then blame the doctors, hospital, tobacco companies etc.... for their loss. When you finally come to terms with who you are really angry with, the sooner you will start the greaving progress.
Posted by: Philip, SouthWest on 1:02pm Fri 21 Mar 08
Without meaning to spark more argument, the one thing that has hit me from all that I know about Christian is the fact that he was always ready with a smile. Often very sensitive or depressive people feel the need to keep smiling no matter what, they are excessively aware of their impact on their friends and don't want to alarm them. Gifted and creative people like Christian seem to perceive beauty but are also heavily affected by ugliness. The repression of this deep sadness, the fact that they don't share these things that are ailing them only increases the sense of loneliness and helplessness. This is just an observation, I may be wrong but I am sure that he loved you all deeply, his smiles were for you.
Without meaning to spark more argument, the one thing that has hit me from all that I know about Christian is the fact that he was always ready with a smile. Often very sensitive or depressive people feel the need to keep smiling no matter what, they are excessively aware of their impact on their friends and don't want to alarm them. Gifted and creative people like Christian seem to perceive beauty but are also heavily affected by ugliness. The repression of this deep sadness, the fact that they don't share these things that are ailing them only increases the sense of loneliness and helplessness. This is just an observation, I may be wrong but I am sure that he loved you all deeply, his smiles were for you.
Posted by: ryan on 8:34pm Fri 21 Mar 08
in reference to a few specific comments
it seems there's a complete mixture of sentiment in this particular domain
this may be a public domain, but just because you can't see who you're talking to it doesn't give you any justification for giving your callous, ignorant opinion on this tragedy
correct, this may not be a condolence page, but nonetheless there's a moral level of respect that should be shown at this time and anytime and the fact that people remain completely oblivious to that and choose to show their arrogance/ignorance are coldhearted and have no place commenting on anything like this
it's purely down to ignorance and cynicalism, leave it out, show some respect as some of you clearly didn't know the boy and have no idea what he's left behind
may i also say, as a matter of respect please don't quote back to this comment, i don't want to further this debate, i want to bring a halt to it
god bless chris, his family and friends
rip
xxx
in reference to a few specific comments
it seems there's a complete mixture of sentiment in this particular domain
this may be a public domain, but just because you can't see who you're talking to it doesn't give you any justification for giving your callous, ignorant opinion on this tragedy
correct, this may not be a condolence page, but nonetheless there's a moral level of respect that should be shown at this time and anytime and the fact that people remain completely oblivious to that and choose to show their arrogance/ignorance are coldhearted and have no place commenting on anything like this
it's purely down to ignorance and cynicalism, leave it out, show some respect as some of you clearly didn't know the boy and have no idea what he's left behind
may i also say, as a matter of respect please don't quote back to this comment, i don't want to further this debate, i want to bring a halt to it
god bless chris, his family and friends
rip
xxx
Posted by: Harriet Pack, southampton/crowthor
ne on 9:58pm Fri 21 Mar 08
[quote][bold]Margret[/bold] wrote:
There seems to be, naturally, a large amount of anger. At the moment it is being missdirected at commentors and each other. This is the blame syndrome, similer to the case where a relative that, although smoked all their lives, and ends up riddled with cancer, dies in hospital and the relitive then blame the doctors, hospital, tobacco companies etc.... for their loss. When you finally come to terms with who you are really angry with, the sooner you will start the greaving progress.[/quote] i dont think you get the point here... we are not blaming anyone, it was Christians choice, and we are all upset by this. we just dont want any horrid comments, we are not getting angry at you because we are trying to blame someone!! we are getting upset at the comments. just for a second think how you would feel if your friend had died, and all your friends were in different parts of the country, and you could not get that cuddle from your best friend, a smile, that you really needed, and then you read this page. know one is blaming any one here, if you want to talk about suicide, then go to a clinic, and you can be free to talk and not disturb anyone else who is grieving.
Margret wrote:
There seems to be, naturally, a large amount of anger. At the moment it is being missdirected at commentors and each other. This is the blame syndrome, similer to the case where a relative that, although smoked all their lives, and ends up riddled with cancer, dies in hospital and the relitive then blame the doctors, hospital, tobacco companies etc.... for their loss. When you finally come to terms with who you are really angry with, the sooner you will start the greaving progress.
i dont think you get the point here... we are not blaming anyone, it was Christians choice, and we are all upset by this. we just dont want any horrid comments, we are not getting angry at you because we are trying to blame someone!! we are getting upset at the comments. just for a second think how you would feel if your friend had died, and all your friends were in different parts of the country, and you could not get that cuddle from your best friend, a smile, that you really needed, and then you read this page. know one is blaming any one here, if you want to talk about suicide, then go to a clinic, and you can be free to talk and not disturb anyone else who is grieving.
Posted by: solent girl, southampton on 5:17pm Sat 22 Mar 08
[quote][bold]mmmmm[/bold] wrote:
Very sad, he must have had his reasons, but I believe we have to be careful that these kids that commit suicide don\'t become heroes due to these internet condolence pages.[/quote] First of all i would live to send my love and sympathies to all of christians friends and family my thoughts are with you.
I am a student at solent and in response to mmmmm i have to point out that we are NOT kids and christian is NOT being regarded as a hero on facebook the group is being used to leave messages and sypathies to those affected at the university and to his friends and family at home.
When making the choice to leave home and go to uni we meet people that become very special and important.
So when we go home over the holidays and hear that such a tradgity has happened and as some are very far away and facebook is easier to express on when we are choked for words.
I understand that this site is used as a foram to express views but please be considerate as freinds of christian are going to want to come on here out of interest to read what has been said and some things said are quite insensitive.
God Bless
xxx
mmmmm wrote:
Very sad, he must have had his reasons, but I believe we have to be careful that these kids that commit suicide don\'t become heroes due to these internet condolence pages.
First of all i would live to send my love and sympathies to all of christians friends and family my thoughts are with you.
I am a student at solent and in response to mmmmm i have to point out that we are NOT kids and christian is NOT being regarded as a hero on facebook the group is being used to leave messages and sypathies to those affected at the university and to his friends and family at home.
When making the choice to leave home and go to uni we meet people that become very special and important.
So when we go home over the holidays and hear that such a tradgity has happened and as some are very far away and facebook is easier to express on when we are choked for words.
I understand that this site is used as a foram to express views but please be considerate as freinds of christian are going to want to come on here out of interest to read what has been said and some things said are quite insensitive.
God Bless
xxx
Posted by: Annie on 6:34pm Sat 22 Mar 08
Personally I think if you want to debate suicide there would be a more appropriate forum - not under a news article which is reporting one. I understand about freedom of speech, however I believe most people have the heart to think carefully about what they are saying.
I knew Christian but not well, that doesn't make a difference though. I don't know if anyone knows why he chose to leave us. But that was his decision, a decision we all can make. At such dark times wouldn't it be nice for everyone to stick together? You may not have known Chris but surely you can see that a 21 year old, who did have lots of friends and family, but felt like he was in such a dark place he couldn't talk to anyone... surely that makes anyone feel sad - not just those that knew him. That could be someone you know. It can be hidden so well! I wish everyone would stick together and look after each other!
Personally I think if you want to debate suicide there would be a more appropriate forum - not under a news article which is reporting one. I understand about freedom of speech, however I believe most people have the heart to think carefully about what they are saying.
I knew Christian but not well, that doesn't make a difference though. I don't know if anyone knows why he chose to leave us. But that was his decision, a decision we all can make. At such dark times wouldn't it be nice for everyone to stick together? You may not have known Chris but surely you can see that a 21 year old, who did have lots of friends and family, but felt like he was in such a dark place he couldn't talk to anyone... surely that makes anyone feel sad - not just those that knew him. That could be someone you know. It can be hidden so well! I wish everyone would stick together and look after each other!
Posted by: Jamie, doncaster on 6:35pm Sun 23 Mar 08
Im a family memmber.
Can i would i just say thank you to every ones kind comments.
I'm not trying to start a agrument but cause i do not have the energy this week.
But for the people that are leaving comments that are not so nice don't u think we have had anuff heart ache with out do gooders leaving comments.
R.I.P cuz
love you
x.x.x.x
Christian would not like all these smart comments i agree that its not a condolence page but please have some respect.
Im a family memmber.
Can i would i just say thank you to every ones kind comments.
I'm not trying to start a agrument but cause i do not have the energy this week.
But for the people that are leaving comments that are not so nice don't u think we have had anuff heart ache with out do gooders leaving comments.
R.I.P cuz
love you
x.x.x.x
Christian would not like all these smart comments i agree that its not a condolence page but please have some respect.
Posted by: Izzy, Southampton on 9:07pm Sun 23 Mar 08
I have read a few of these messages as I hadn't checked back since this article was written. I knew Christian and by no way would he encourage others to do the same - to end their life. He wasn't that sort of person. Some are saying one should respect his family, but by criticising their son, they are disrespecting his family. A guy, not telling his best friend, the love of his life, or anyone else how he was feeling, is not a heroic act as some of you seem to think. He wasn't part of a group . He was 21 years old, not 13 and easily influenced. The last thing I'm sure he would have wanted was for anyone to argue, but some of the comments are unnecessary. And those who are criticising the facebook group, it was made for those to remember the good times they had with Christian but it has become a consolement page. So many people are shocked and devastated at his death, they are joining together to vent their saddness. People should leave their criticisms to themselves.
I have read a few of these messages as I hadn't checked back since this article was written. I knew Christian and by no way would he encourage others to do the same - to end their life. He wasn't that sort of person. Some are saying one should respect his family, but by criticising their son, they are disrespecting his family. A guy, not telling his best friend, the love of his life, or anyone else how he was feeling, is not a heroic act as some of you seem to think. He wasn't part of a group . He was 21 years old, not 13 and easily influenced. The last thing I'm sure he would have wanted was for anyone to argue, but some of the comments are unnecessary. And those who are criticising the facebook group, it was made for those to remember the good times they had with Christian but it has become a consolement page. So many people are shocked and devastated at his death, they are joining together to vent their saddness. People should leave their criticisms to themselves.
Posted by: Vicky, Doncaster on 10:14am Thu 27 Mar 08
Christian was such a lovely person, he will be missed so much.
Rest in Peace Sweetheart xxx
Christian was such a lovely person, he will be missed so much.
Rest in Peace Sweetheart xxx
Posted by: Richard, doncaster on 3:09pm Sun 13 Apr 08
I considered chris by far my best friend and i even though i dont know why he did what he did i know he must have had one hell of a good reason. i get that you regulars on here probably enjoy having a good chin-wag about the latest [bold]gossip[/bold] but what gives you the right to tell chris's friends to go else where so you can safely say what you will? like you say its a public forum. You must know people will be offended if they read the things you put. i just hope you're all so comfortable in you trouble free, anonymous little lives that you never have to endure strangers belittling someone so close to you at such a heartbreaking time. i feel [bold]ashamed[/bold] to be adding to this farce but i'm finding it very hard to hold my tongue, so to speak, as of late.
I considered chris by far my best friend and i even though i dont know why he did what he did i know he must have had one hell of a good reason. i get that you regulars on here probably enjoy having a good chin-wag about the latest
gossip but what gives you the right to tell chris's friends to go else where so you can safely say what you will? like you say its a public forum. You must know people will be offended if they read the things you put. i just hope you're all so comfortable in you trouble free, anonymous little lives that you never have to endure strangers belittling someone so close to you at such a heartbreaking time. i feel
ashamed to be adding to this farce but i'm finding it very hard to hold my tongue, so to speak, as of late.
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