Transgender woman turns to crowdfunding to raise funds for surgery

And after more than 30 years of being mistakenly labelled as male, she had had enough.

A transgender female, Sarah's body appeared to be male and she was incorrectly labelled as a boy at birth.

She started living full-time as a woman in August.

And now, the 35-year-old parent-of-one from Southampton is turning to friends and the wider public via the internet to help her complete her transition.

As a child, growing up in the days before the internet was widespread, Sarah had no idea that other people felt like her or that there was anything she could do about it.

But by the time she met her future wife, Elle, at college she knew that she was a transgender woman.

Although she was honest with Elle from early in their relationship about her true self, it wasn't until last year that Sarah had finally had enough of hiding it from everyone else and began transitioning to living as a woman full-time.

She told more than 100 friends and family members face-to-face, before taking to social media platforms to let everyone else know.

Since then, she has spent thousands of pounds on private doctors, hormones, laser treatment, voice coaching and gruelling 14 and a half hour facial surgery.

And this year she is hoping to take a significant further step in her transition, including gender reassignment surgery.

But with her savings already spent, and having taken out a bank loan to fund last year's surgery, she has turned to a crowdfunding website to try to raise the more than £20,000 she needs to complete her wishlist of treatment and surgery for the year.

Crowdfunding websites allow people to ask for financial help with a project, from a business start up to getting married. The responses vary hugely, with some fundraisers vastly exceeding their targets and some never being donated a penny.

Sarah launched her crowdfunding page four weeks ago and has had a good response from both friends and the public - with one stranger donating £100.

She is delighted that her appearance is now in tune with how she's always felt on the inside and is keen to complete her transition.

"I've always known I was a girl, definitely from the age of around three," she says.

"That's never wavered, I've always been clear about who I am.

"But growing up in the 80s and 90s, I was aware that it wasn't a good idea to mention it.

"It was before the internet, and as far as I knew, I was the only person going through it.

"When I started being involved in school plays it occurred to me that I could wear make-up in them, and I kind of gravitated towards arts and media things that were creative, to be able to express myself more."

As a teenager, thanks to the internet, Sarah found out about transgender and discovered that she was far from alone and that she could do something about it.

"But I realised that in order to transition in the way I wanted to, I needed to be able to afford it, and even ten years ago it would have been very difficult for me, not only financially, but also because there was less awareness."

Although Sarah never struggled with self-harm or suicidal feelings, as is often the case for transgender children, who know they are in the body of the wrong gender, she says her childhood was difficult.

"I was unhappy every day, growing up," she says.

"As a kid, you believe in magic, and I would wish that I'd wake up the next day as a girl. When it didn't happen, I'd think maybe I needed to wish harder.

"Into adulthood, I kept my mind occupied constantly with work, so that I wasn't thinking about it all the time."

The first person Sarah told about her true self was Elle, her girlfriend at college, who went on to become her wife.

"A year or so into our relationship I introduced that side of myself to her and she was completely supportive and cool with it," says Sarah.

"I felt she was someone I wanted to stay with and it was fair that she knew it."

Early in their relationship, Sarah began dressing as her true self with Elle, always changing out of her male work clothes into her female clothing as soon as she got home.

Sarah always tried to visually express her true self in public, getting her ears pierced as a teenager, shaping her eyebrows and wearing her hair long and with highlights for more than a decade.

Elle has fully supported Sarah throughout her transition process.

Photos of the two striking blondes with their smiling daughter decorate the couple's home in suburban Southampton.

"I told my wife that I really needed to really do something about it and be me full time around five years ago," explains Sarah.

"I said 'this is getting silly really. I should just be able to be me,' so I've worked towards that since.

"She's been great," she adds.

"She's been 100 per cent supportive all the time, and we're happier than we've ever been."

Sarah says that the couple's five-year-old daughter has also taken her parent's transition from Daddy to Sarah in her stride.

"With my daughter, I'd always been me at home, so she's never known any different," says Sarah.

"The process of coming out was simply about sharing who I've always been with everyone else.

"It's not been any different for her - I'm still her parent. The only change is that she calls me Sarah now - it occurred to me that if we're in public, it's less awkward.

"I don't think her friends have reacted at all. They're five so they're much more interested in Star Wars!

"Recently she said she's really lucky that she's got two mums, which was really lovely of her."

In fact, it's not just Sarah's immediate family who have reacted well to her transition - she says her friends and family have all been completely supportive and she hasn't received one negative reaction - either from someone she knew or a stranger in a public place.

"Early last year, I started telling my family and close friends face-to-face," she says.

"I felt it was important to do it that way, to show that I'm the same person and give them the chance to ask any questions, but also so I could see their reactions too.

"I think I told 105 people face to face. It was exhausting!

"Sometimes I was telling three or four people in a day - almost scheduling it in.

"If I was going to an event and was at the point where half of the people there would know, I'd make sure I told the other half that week, so no one was worried about saying the wrong thing.

"Then in August I posted it on Facebook, LinkedIn and to more than 30,000 followers on Twitter.

"It's just been love and support from everybody.

"It took my parents a while to adjust to using my new name and the right pronouns but things are just the same as before with them. It was lovely when I got a Christmas card from them to Sarah, and from my in-laws too."

Sarah says that she didn't feel nervous when she started telling people that she was transitioning.

"I didn't know how they would react, but the ball wasn't just in their court," she says.

"If someone was transphobic, I wouldn't want to be their friend anyway.

"I was really relieved when I started telling people, having had to hide it for 34 years, and that overpowered any other feelings, really.

"I was grateful and appreciative of everyone wanting to continue with me on my journey, but I had enough support at home that that would have been enough, anyway.

"But my friends have been amazing. I've been to family events, a wedding and one of my friends has asked me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding in the summer."

Sarah adds that transitioning isn't all plain sailing though.

"Laser treatment is really painful!

"It really hurts but it's worth it. The physical side has been tough, but the financial side has probably been tougher," says Sarah who worked at Microsoft until June and continues to work as a freelance film reviewer on her own website and for a number of radio stations and as a caricature artist.

"My first priority has always been paying the bills and the mortgage and whatever else for my family, but anything I could, I've saved towards this," she says.

But having paid for laser treatment, hormones, private doctor consultations and so on, she had to take out a loan to help cover the cost of her facial surgery in Spain in September.

She is delighted with the results of the operations, which included nose surgery, making her top lip fuller, changing the angle of her chin, contouring her forehead, a brow lift and hair transplant, and cost more than £15,000.

And she is keen to press on with further treatments this year, including gender reassignment surgery.

Turning to the internet to raise the money wasn't a decision she took likely, but having talked it over with Elle, she decided it was the best course of action.

"The bills are my first priority, but being transgender is almost like being in prison for something you didn't do, and it's a case of how quickly I can break out of it," she explains.

"I think 35 years is enough, now. I don't want my whole life to be about this. I've got lots of other ambitions too and I just want to get on with it and get past this chapter."

• Visit Sarah's crowdfunding page at: gofundme.com/rabnd9hg
• For information and support about transitioning and further gender identity issues, visit gendertrust.org.uk
• Local support, including meeting groups and counselling, is available from Chrysalis: chrysalis-gii.co.uk/