DEB Wilkes wants to talk about death – she wants everyone to talk about death.

The hospice nurse was inspired by a festival she visited eight years ago about death and dying and has since been putting on various events to encourage people to talk and think about death, both their own and others'.

This can be everything from getting a will in place and letting people known their own funeral wishes to making sugar skulls and sharing stories about deaths that they have experienced.

She says the benefits can include taking some of the fear of death away, helping people to have better experiences when they and people they are close to are dying, and making the most out of life now.

"Eight years ago I went to a festival about death and dying in Dorset and despite my job there were lots of things that I should have known about, but didn't," says the 58-year-old from Bitterne Manor, Southampton.

"These included things like end of life companions, the Home Funeral Network, Natural Death Centre, and Soul Midwives.

"The key for me was watching a guy paint a cardboard coffin. This lead me to chatting with my mum and dad about death. My mum told me her wishes. Six months later, she died suddenly. I painted her coffin, which was really useful, as we hadn't had the chance to say goodbye, and we spent time painting with the family."

The first event that Deb put on, with the help of her partner Chris, was around the Mexican Day of the Dead and involved decorating sugar skulls and painting coffins.

"People don't necessarily want to sit around talking about death but if you're doing something interactive, people automatically chat away," she says.

"Having the information means that people are armed. Depending on where people are in the healthcare system, this information may or may not be available to them.

"A lot of people are scared of death, and it tends to be dismissed until someone is dying, and not always then.

"I've seen a lot of people not say and do things that they want. Getting things in place like having a will and talking to family about your wishes means that when you are ill or dying. you're not going to have those niggles."

Deb has put on a number of events, including Death Chat Cafes, where people talk about their own experiences of death, mini festivals and events around Dying Matters Awareness Week, which takes place every year in May.

She is also in the process of organising a Dead Good Days Southampton festival for late October and early November, which will include workshops, drawing, storytelling and a play.

"I think talking and thinking about death does make people less afraid of death and also more in control," she says.

"We have sessions on things like being with someone when they are dying. It is not something that most of us experience but it is a lot less scary than people think if they understand it and they can also learn what they can do to help.

"People also think about their own wishes. A woman at one of our workshops suddenly realised that when she died, her brother would handle the funeral arrangements as next of kin, and they didn't get on very well, so she went and made a will and arranged for someone else to have power of attorney."

Deb adds that another benefit of thinking about death is that it encourages people to be more aware of how they are living now.

"We always encourage people to think about what they enjoy doing now and what they want to do before they die. It's about acknowledging that I might die at any time and hopefully people think more about what they want to do while they are alive."

Deb says that the more she hears people share their experiences of the death of others, the more she wants to hold events around death.

"I hear people's stories and I think 'that shouldn't have happened'," she says.

"Doctors often aren't very good about telling people when someone is dying. They are focused on saving lives. If doctors aren't doing it, it's up to us to say 'please be open about what is happening'."

She believes that more openness about death could lead to better palliative care, to make patients comfortable in their last days."

She adds that it is important not to shy away from being honest with children about death.

"Children will ask some huge question, get the answer that they want and then say 'can I go and play now?'," she says.

"It's very interesting. We can learn a lot from children."

* For more information about Dead Good Days Southampton, visit www.deadgooddays.com. For more information about Dying Matters, visit www.dyingmatters.org