COLUMNIST and trained counsellor Fiona Caine answers another set of reader dilemmas.

HEARTBROKEN AT LOST TIME WITH MY KIDS

Back in 2015, I left my babies’ father, as he regularly abused me. I had tried to leave him before, but he wasn’t going to let me take the children. We had three small children at the time and so, to try and stop me, he made sure he made me look like a bad mother.

In the end, the abuse was so bad I had to leave, and from 2016 until now, he hasn’t allowed me to see them. I couldn’t call them or visit them, and every day I lived with this empty feeling in my heart.

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I’ve now been allowed to see them, and they know I love them with all my heart. What really hurts me the most is that I can never get back the time I have lost with them.

FIONA SAYS: THIS IS HEARTBREAKING - BUT FOCUS ON THE TIME YOU HAVE NOW

Being apart from your children for five years must have been heart-breaking. Fortunately, they know you love them. I completely understand the hurt you feel for all those lost years, but there is nothing you can do to get them back. All you can do is move forward, positively, to build on the loving relationship you have with your children.

MY MOTHER-IN-LAW REFUSES TO ACKNOWLEDGE ME

Although I’ve been married for 15 years, my mother-in-law still hasn’t accepted me. I think I could cope better if she was rude or argumentative, but she simply ignores me completely. It’s literally like I’m not there and she can’t see me!

I get no support from my husband, who doesn’t seem to see it and sticks up for her every time. I know she’s getting older and that I should have learnt to cope with it by now, but it’s getting me crosser and crosser. So much so that I feel like refusing to visit her, and refusing to let the children see her either. Am I being petty?

FIONA SAYS: DON’T INVOLVE THE KIDS

I don’t think you’re being petty by considering refusing to see her yourself, but I think it would be a mistake to involve your children. Aside from the fact that they wouldn’t understand, and that it would cause even further resentment, they really shouldn’t be used as pawns in this game. The one person who I think you should be taking more of an issue with is your husband.

The next time you visit, ask her open-ended questions, in front of him, to see if she responds - make it hard for her to ignore you.

Email help@askfiona.net for advice.