Who is stealing toys from baby's grave? (From Daily Echo)

Sick. But I have to ask: why leave toys? I understand the sentiment, but they don't really expect a toy to just stay there, do they? It's just as likely to be some kid who fancied a digger, as it is a gang of hardened teddy bear thieves.

I am absolutely appalled by this, I genuinely feel for this couple as my mum is buried at St Mary's Extra on Butts Road. Her grave has been vandalised 5 times now and people need to realise it is heartbreaking enough visiting a loved ones grave let alone to fine things stolen and other things smashed up. These people who do this sicken me.

I buried my son at the Sustainability Centre near Droxford. There are few disruptions there. I can understand why they put the toys there but to steal them is beyond the pale.

Unlike flowers left at a grave, toys do not wither and die, they become litter.

Without wanting to sound cold and callous, this story also shows how we as a nation cannot cope with death, whatever age a person dies.

I have no problem with remembering people close to me who are no longer alive, and I like to place fresh flowers on the graves of those I knew and still love.

BUT, I am increasingly offended by others who place toys, windchimes, artificial flowers, large ornaments etc. which turn peaceful graveyards into little more than tacky fun fairs.

Those in control of cemeteries and graveyards should insist that only headstones and fresh flowers are allowed, and anything else should be prohibited and/or removed.

If people wish to have a shrine with other objects, they are free to do so in the privacy of their own homes and gardens, but the majority of people would like the deceased to rest in peace within the places they are buried (which is why the majority of graves DO NOT have unnecessary items placed upon them).

i cannot believe some people here can be offended by what people put on there loved ones grave! i lost my baby son and my other children see toys in shops that they think there baby brother would of liked so they put them on his grave ...its a comfort and its there way of dealing with death! everyone deals with it differently and no one has the right to criticise how or what other people do to there loved ones grave.a grave is a dark place for a baby and by putting toys and flowers and teddys make it brighter place for them which is a big comfort.i am DISGUSTED that anyone could write on here and say its wrong or it should be band... how bloody disrespectful!! i hope that this mum doesn't see these comments .... its been 7yrs since my son died and i was outraged and so hurt that people could be so low..no one can understand it because people deal with it in different ways and i hope the scum that did it gets what they deserve! .... try and have some respect people and stop being so shallow!

thbao2011 says that toys on graves are "a comfort and its there way of dealing with death". S/he then continues by writing "no one has the right to criticise". Yet this is exactly what s/he is doing to me by failing to respect those who wish burial grounds to be places of quietness and reverence. In some burial grounds rules are strictly enforced and rightly so in my opinion. Personally I believe that those who die have gone to a better place nd would not want us to continue mourning their death and our loss. That doesn't mean we forget them, far from it, but turning a grave into a shrine will not, cannot and does not reverse the power of death. That is not being insensitive by the way, it is simply stating fact.

eurogordi wrote:
thbao2011 says that toys on graves are "a comfort and its there way of dealing with death". S/he then continues by writing "no one has the right to criticise". Yet this is exactly what s/he is doing to me by failing to respect those who wish burial grounds to be places of quietness and reverence. In some burial grounds rules are strictly enforced and rightly so in my opinion. Personally I believe that those who die have gone to a better place nd would not want us to continue mourning their death and our loss. That doesn't mean we forget them, far from it, but turning a grave into a shrine will not, cannot and does not reverse the power of death. That is not being insensitive by the way, it is simply stating fact.

I 100% agree. But you're always going to look like the bad guy saying stuff like this. Especially if you yourself have not lost a child.

The choice to put toys or whatever on loved ones graves is a personal thing to the bereaved. It's nothing to do with anyone else apart from those who look after the cemetery. If its not allowed then so be it but if it's allowed then its up to those who place them there.

Everyone who is old enough to walk in a graveyard should know to take items from graves is wrong.

I feel sad for this poor Mum mourning her little boy, such a shame this has happened.

It's hard to understand anyone taking things from a grave. It is also hard to understand anyone leaving things at a grave no mater what your beliefs (if any).

The toys would have gone rotten, moldy etc. There's better ways of coming to terms with grief.

Hey, maybe a child took it to play with?

I feel for this lady, she's still grieving. I hope in time she can start to heal. I hope she knows there are qualified people to talk to to help work through these things.

Firstly my thoughts go out to the parents as they have obviously planned and looked forward to having a child and their love showed by leaving those gifts. Everyone deals with grief in their own manner and does what is best for them at the time. To steal those things is disgusting but putting my mind at the incident I can't help thinking that it may have been children doing the taking who should know better but have perhaps not have been educated in the correct manner by their parents to respect such places of rest.
Just my thoughts on the matter and my feelings go out to the loved ones.

Surely it is up to the individual to leave what they like for their love ones. Some of you may
Not like the thought of toys but that's your choice and don't think you have the right to comment especially at this sad story! These are babies/children why shouldn't we leave a small toy at their grave stone. Nothing wrong there at all. I just hope the person who has done this to this poor family is totally ashamed!

I feel for the couple who have lost their child. It wouldn't be my choice to use a cemetery to remember a deceased loved one, however lots of people do.

The self appointed cemetery police on here turn my stomach with their hypocrisy.

Georgem wrote:

eurogordi wrote:
thbao2011 says that toys on graves are "a comfort and its there way of dealing with death". S/he then continues by writing "no one has the right to criticise". Yet this is exactly what s/he is doing to me by failing to respect those who wish burial grounds to be places of quietness and reverence. In some burial grounds rules are strictly enforced and rightly so in my opinion. Personally I believe that those who die have gone to a better place nd would not want us to continue mourning their death and our loss. That doesn't mean we forget them, far from it, but turning a grave into a shrine will not, cannot and does not reverse the power of death. That is not being insensitive by the way, it is simply stating fact.

I 100% agree. But you're always going to look like the bad guy saying stuff like this. Especially if you yourself have not lost a child.

I'm going to stop using this site until the Echo mods do something about the repeated trolling by the same individuals day after day. It's insensitive and offensive. Grow up.

userds5050 wrote:

Georgem wrote:

eurogordi wrote:
thbao2011 says that toys on graves are "a comfort and its there way of dealing with death". S/he then continues by writing "no one has the right to criticise". Yet this is exactly what s/he is doing to me by failing to respect those who wish burial grounds to be places of quietness and reverence. In some burial grounds rules are strictly enforced and rightly so in my opinion. Personally I believe that those who die have gone to a better place nd would not want us to continue mourning their death and our loss. That doesn't mean we forget them, far from it, but turning a grave into a shrine will not, cannot and does not reverse the power of death. That is not being insensitive by the way, it is simply stating fact.

I 100% agree. But you're always going to look like the bad guy saying stuff like this. Especially if you yourself have not lost a child.

I'm going to stop using this site until the Echo mods do something about the repeated trolling by the same individuals day after day. It's insensitive and offensive. Grow up.

I don't happen to agree with Georgem and Eurogordi on this issue but how are they 'trolling' ? trolling is deliberate attempts to upset and provoke reaction. They have only expressed an opinion and another point of view and unless I'm missing something haven't been nasty....

I think this is a matter of personal choice, children's sections of graveyards are often like this and it's a free country and people should be albe to express themselves as to how they see fit without having others ruining that experience.

If I may make a small suggestion to mum. Could you possibly do a donation in his memory to SANDS or to the maternity unit in his memory - that way it will help others and be a lasting memorial to him that no-one else can 'sully'. I'm so very very sorry for your loss, it must be devastating.

"Trolling is deliberate attempts to upset and provoke reaction." I'd say that's exactly what they're doing.

userds5050 wrote:
"Trolling is deliberate attempts to upset and provoke reaction." I'd say that's exactly what they're doing.

I thought you were going to stop using the site?

userds5050 wrote:
"Trolling is deliberate attempts to upset and provoke reaction." I'd say that's exactly what they're doing.

Sorry i don't happen to agree, they are allowed an opinion. there are just as many supporting the family, it's about balance and no-one has been nasty....

freemantlegirl2 wrote:

I don't happen to agree with Georgem and Eurogordi on this issue but how are they 'trolling' ? trolling is deliberate attempts to upset and provoke reaction. They have only expressed an opinion and another point of view and unless I'm missing something haven't been nasty....

It's the 'another point of view' thing that bothers a lot of people, for some reason. Some people just can't grasp that theirs isn't the only one.

As for the story, I really feel sad for the mum, it must be horrible. But I think it's unrealistic to leave toys in what is essentially a public place, and expect them to stay there. I'm more inclined to think a child has taken them, and is enjoying them, than this is an act of malice.

No, you can have a point of view. It's when you're posting provocative comments on every story. I don't think the Echo mods should have allowed comments on this article, but that's just 'another point of view'.

userds5050 wrote:
No, you can have a point of view. It's when you're posting provocative comments on every story. I don't think the Echo mods should have allowed comments on this article, but that's just 'another point of view'.

Just your point of view of course. Your problem is that you expect everyone to have the same view as you. Best of luck with that one.

Stillness wrote:

userds5050 wrote:
No, you can have a point of view. It's when you're posting provocative comments on every story. I don't think the Echo mods should have allowed comments on this article, but that's just 'another point of view'.

Just your point of view of course. Your problem is that you expect everyone to have the same view as you. Best of luck with that one.

No, everyone's entitled to their opinion. It's freedom of speech innit? The Echo doesn't allow comments on every story, they have mods who remove offensive posts. This isn't Twitter. I'm sorry but someone saying toys left on a grave is litter is disgraceful.

userds5050 wrote:

Stillness wrote:

userds5050 wrote:
No, you can have a point of view. It's when you're posting provocative comments on every story. I don't think the Echo mods should have allowed comments on this article, but that's just 'another point of view'.

Just your point of view of course. Your problem is that you expect everyone to have the same view as you. Best of luck with that one.

No, everyone's entitled to their opinion. It's freedom of speech innit? The Echo doesn't allow comments on every story, they have mods who remove offensive posts. This isn't Twitter. I'm sorry but someone saying toys left on a grave is litter is disgraceful.

I haven't said toys left on a grave is litter at all. I agree, that IS a disgraceful comment.

userds5050 wrote:

Stillness wrote:

userds5050 wrote:
No, you can have a point of view. It's when you're posting provocative comments on every story. I don't think the Echo mods should have allowed comments on this article, but that's just 'another point of view'.

Just your point of view of course. Your problem is that you expect everyone to have the same view as you. Best of luck with that one.

No, everyone's entitled to their opinion. It's freedom of speech innit? The Echo doesn't allow comments on every story, they have mods who remove offensive posts. This isn't Twitter. I'm sorry but someone saying toys left on a grave is litter is disgraceful.

I haven't said toys left on a grave is litter at all. I agree, that IS a disgraceful comment.

userds5050 wrote:
No, you can have a point of view. It's when you're posting provocative comments on every story. I don't think the Echo mods should have allowed comments on this article, but that's just 'another point of view'.

Far better to be posting 'provocative' comments, than trotting out the exact same trite cliches on every story, in my view.

I'm not saying YOU do that, but it's the status quo here. About 95% of the comments are stock responses posted by the same people every time certain subjects come up.

userds5050 wrote:

Stillness wrote:

userds5050 wrote:
No, you can have a point of view. It's when you're posting provocative comments on every story. I don't think the Echo mods should have allowed comments on this article, but that's just 'another point of view'.

Just your point of view of course. Your problem is that you expect everyone to have the same view as you. Best of luck with that one.

No, everyone's entitled to their opinion. It's freedom of speech innit? The Echo doesn't allow comments on every story, they have mods who remove offensive posts. This isn't Twitter. I'm sorry but someone saying toys left on a grave is litter is disgraceful.

You forgot to say "in my humble opinion". In my opinion you have yet again stated your view as a being a fact. Do you not understand the difference?

Stillness wrote:

userds5050 wrote:

Stillness wrote:

userds5050 wrote:
No, you can have a point of view. It's when you're posting provocative comments on every story. I don't think the Echo mods should have allowed comments on this article, but that's just 'another point of view'.

Just your point of view of course. Your problem is that you expect everyone to have the same view as you. Best of luck with that one.

No, everyone's entitled to their opinion. It's freedom of speech innit? The Echo doesn't allow comments on every story, they have mods who remove offensive posts. This isn't Twitter. I'm sorry but someone saying toys left on a grave is litter is disgraceful.

You forgot to say "in my humble opinion". In my opinion you have yet again stated your view as a being a fact. Do you not understand the difference?

This isn't Twitter.

userds5050 wrote:

Stillness wrote:

userds5050 wrote:

Stillness wrote:

userds5050 wrote:
No, you can have a point of view. It's when you're posting provocative comments on every story. I don't think the Echo mods should have allowed comments on this article, but that's just 'another point of view'.

Just your point of view of course. Your problem is that you expect everyone to have the same view as you. Best of luck with that one.

No, everyone's entitled to their opinion. It's freedom of speech innit? The Echo doesn't allow comments on every story, they have mods who remove offensive posts. This isn't Twitter. I'm sorry but someone saying toys left on a grave is litter is disgraceful.

You forgot to say "in my humble opinion". In my opinion you have yet again stated your view as a being a fact. Do you not understand the difference?

This isn't Twitter.

Why do you keep re-iterating that this isn't Twitter? We're all perfectly aware of that.

Georgem wrote:

userds5050 wrote:

Stillness wrote:

userds5050 wrote:

Stillness wrote:

userds5050 wrote:
No, you can have a point of view. It's when you're posting provocative comments on every story. I don't think the Echo mods should have allowed comments on this article, but that's just 'another point of view'.

Just your point of view of course. Your problem is that you expect everyone to have the same view as you. Best of luck with that one.

No, everyone's entitled to their opinion. It's freedom of speech innit? The Echo doesn't allow comments on every story, they have mods who remove offensive posts. This isn't Twitter. I'm sorry but someone saying toys left on a grave is litter is disgraceful.

You forgot to say "in my humble opinion". In my opinion you have yet again stated your view as a being a fact. Do you not understand the difference?

This isn't Twitter.

Why do you keep re-iterating that this isn't Twitter? We're all perfectly aware of that.

It was a joke. Stillness was saying I didn't know the difference between my own opinions and facts. Oh, never mind.

I think a lot of these posts above should be removed! A poor family is reading all these post and I feel it's like Facebook, just people coming in here to be horrible. Let's hope something like this don't happen to some of you on here!

i can not belive that some people feel they have the right to tell people what they can and cant put on someones grave, and for some people to say that people who leave stuff on graves other than flowers should get over the fact that there loved one has died is awful. most graves that have things on are childrens graves and are normally in a section with other children so i suggest if you dont like looking at the tacky stuff as some of you put it dont go near them, as a parent whos daughter was stillborn this is our place where we go to feel close to her and her brother and sisters like to leave stuff there, we know that she wont get it but it helps in the grieving stage. NO grave should be touched by people who have nothing to do with it and should ALWAYS be respected. for the people who feel they should just have a headstone i hope you never lose a child its the hardest thing parents have to go through so like i said if you dont like it dont look at it and keep your hurtful opinions to yourselves !!!!!!!!!!!!!

angelmiarose wrote:
i can not belive that some people feel they have the right to tell people what they can and cant put on someones grave, and for some people to say that people who leave stuff on graves other than flowers should get over the fact that there loved one has died is awful. most graves that have things on are childrens graves and are normally in a section with other children so i suggest if you dont like looking at the tacky stuff as some of you put it dont go near them, as a parent whos daughter was stillborn this is our place where we go to feel close to her and her brother and sisters like to leave stuff there, we know that she wont get it but it helps in the grieving stage. NO grave should be touched by people who have nothing to do with it and should ALWAYS be respected. for the people who feel they should just have a headstone i hope you never lose a child its the hardest thing parents have to go through so like i said if you dont like it dont look at it and keep your hurtful opinions to yourselves !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spot on my dear...it is pathetic but this newspaper is provoking debate after debate. It's not morally correct is it?

angelmiarose wrote:
i can not belive that some people feel they have the right to tell people what they can and cant put on someones grave, and for some people to say that people who leave stuff on graves other than flowers should get over the fact that there loved one has died is awful. most graves that have things on are childrens graves and are normally in a section with other children so i suggest if you dont like looking at the tacky stuff as some of you put it dont go near them, as a parent whos daughter was stillborn this is our place where we go to feel close to her and her brother and sisters like to leave stuff there, we know that she wont get it but it helps in the grieving stage. NO grave should be touched by people who have nothing to do with it and should ALWAYS be respected. for the people who feel they should just have a headstone i hope you never lose a child its the hardest thing parents have to go through so like i said if you dont like it dont look at it and keep your hurtful opinions to yourselves !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Totally agree with what your saying. I personally have never had to deal with something like this apart from older members of family passing away but I'm a mum and would be exactly the same.

Don't shoot the messenger.

People wo have lost a loved one are highly emotionally charged which is extremely normal in these circumstances.

The regulations for this cemetary are:

No memorials, memorial tablets or vases shall be erected without the prior approval of the Council, application for which shall be made on the memorial application form.

All memorials, and other monuments, shall be of natural stone or other approved materials.

This is just to put things in perspective.
Are the people who maintain the cemetary to choose which rules the enforce?

I do not work at the Cemetary.