Chip shop robbery (From Daily Echo)

It's ok, guys, I've got this one.

Was he just robbed, or was he battered too? I mean, was he assaulted? Did the thief escape on foot, or on a pike? I realise I'm skating on thin ice with these fish puns, but if you think you can do better, let minnow. From what I've been herring, this is just the opportunaty you've been waiting for, so don't be koi. I can't be the sole contributor? Do you want to mullet over? Come on, salmon else join in, this is the plaice for fish puns. Coming up with this on my own is giving me a haddock.

etc

What's that I see on your shoulder, Georgem?

Salt and battery is a serious crime, we could all carp on about it but it's a load of codswallop, could have been a poor loan shark, but the net result is that the Chip shop is floundering for cash.

Damon Dixon - he was in the Echo a few weeks back for 40 odd burglaries and the judge sentenced him to a community order instead of prison. I hope that judge and all the do-gooders are very proud of themselves now. Perhaps they would like to visit the victim this time and apologise. Dixon is scum, end of.

Here is the story I mentioned:

http://www.dailyecho
.co.uk/news/9830871.
Neighbour_s_photo_la
nds_burglar_in_court
/

The Echo seem unable to link the two stories and write a decent piece of journalism about him, the criminal justice system, etc....

SotonLad wrote:
Damon Dixon - he was in the Echo a few weeks back for 40 odd burglaries and the judge sentenced him to a community order instead of prison. I hope that judge and all the do-gooders are very proud of themselves now. Perhaps they would like to visit the victim this time and apologise. Dixon is scum, end of.

Pun count: 0

Georgem wrote:
It's ok, guys, I've got this one.

Was he just robbed, or was he battered too? I mean, was he assaulted? Did the thief escape on foot, or on a pike? I realise I'm skating on thin ice with these fish puns, but if you think you can do better, let minnow. From what I've been herring, this is just the opportunaty you've been waiting for, so don't be koi. I can't be the sole contributor? Do you want to mullet over? Come on, salmon else join in, this is the plaice for fish puns. Coming up with this on my own is giving me a haddock.

etc

Someone said the chippy was hard of herring .... which is why he didnt notice him in the plaice ....... They couldnt give an accurate description apart from he was wearing a kipper tie and lemon soles on his shoes with 3inch eels.
.
Hake it or leave it thats the best i can do !!

nearly wet myself laughing......

Lone Ranger. wrote:

Georgem wrote:
It's ok, guys, I've got this one.

Was he just robbed, or was he battered too? I mean, was he assaulted? Did the thief escape on foot, or on a pike? I realise I'm skating on thin ice with these fish puns, but if you think you can do better, let minnow. From what I've been herring, this is just the opportunaty you've been waiting for, so don't be koi. I can't be the sole contributor? Do you want to mullet over? Come on, salmon else join in, this is the plaice for fish puns. Coming up with this on my own is giving me a haddock.

etc

Someone said the chippy was hard of herring .... which is why he didnt notice him in the plaice ....... They couldnt give an accurate description apart from he was wearing a kipper tie and lemon soles on his shoes with 3inch eels.
.
Hake it or leave it thats the best i can do !!

Not bad. Got off to a good shark, floundered a bit at the end.

Georgem wrote:

Lone Ranger. wrote:

Georgem wrote:
It's ok, guys, I've got this one.

Was he just robbed, or was he battered too? I mean, was he assaulted? Did the thief escape on foot, or on a pike? I realise I'm skating on thin ice with these fish puns, but if you think you can do better, let minnow. From what I've been herring, this is just the opportunaty you've been waiting for, so don't be koi. I can't be the sole contributor? Do you want to mullet over? Come on, salmon else join in, this is the plaice for fish puns. Coming up with this on my own is giving me a haddock.

etc

Someone said the chippy was hard of herring .... which is why he didnt notice him in the plaice ....... They couldnt give an accurate description apart from he was wearing a kipper tie and lemon soles on his shoes with 3inch eels.
.
Hake it or leave it thats the best i can do !!

Not bad. Got off to a good shark, floundered a bit at the end.

Gee thats Brill ... thanks.
Thought i would have a dab at it and done ok.

" . . . 40 odd burglaries"

what are "odd burglaries"?

midanburyway wrote:
nearly wet myself laughing......

I'm whaling with laughter

Posters on this thread are simply angling for a cheapskate giggle

clausentum wrote:
" . . . 40 odd burglaries"

what are "odd burglaries"?

Ones where the burglar re-arranges the furniture in a more Feng Shui manner, and pops a quiche in the oven, perhaps? That'd be quite odd.

clausentum wrote:

midanburyway wrote:
nearly wet myself laughing......

I'm whaling with laughter

How many "whales aren't fish!" comments are you expecting?

Georgem wrote:

clausentum wrote:

midanburyway wrote:
nearly wet myself laughing......

I'm whaling with laughter

How many "whales aren't fish!" comments are you expecting?

Shoals. But those blubbering MobyDicks are Plank(ton)s.

Georgem wrote:

clausentum wrote:
" . . . 40 odd burglaries"

what are "odd burglaries"?

Ones where the burglar re-arranges the furniture in a more Feng Shui manner, and pops a quiche in the oven, perhaps? That'd be quite odd.

Or a burglar who only steals Mantovani, Barry Manilow and Eartha Kit LPs and turns them into flower bowls? That'd be quite odd.

clausentum wrote:

Georgem wrote:

clausentum wrote:
" . . . 40 odd burglaries"

what are "odd burglaries"?

Ones where the burglar re-arranges the furniture in a more Feng Shui manner, and pops a quiche in the oven, perhaps? That'd be quite odd.

Or a burglar who only steals Mantovani, Barry Manilow and Eartha Kit LPs and turns them into flower bowls? That'd be quite odd.

At trial, his barrister could reasonably invoke an Insanity Defence?

clausentum wrote:

clausentum wrote:

Georgem wrote:

clausentum wrote:
" . . . 40 odd burglaries"

what are "odd burglaries"?

Ones where the burglar re-arranges the furniture in a more Feng Shui manner, and pops a quiche in the oven, perhaps? That'd be quite odd.

Or a burglar who only steals Mantovani, Barry Manilow and Eartha Kit LPs and turns them into flower bowls? That'd be quite odd.

At trial, his barrister could reasonably invoke an Insanity Defence?

Not for that. If he stole those and actually listened to them, an insanity plea would be a no-brainer.

Georgem wrote:

clausentum wrote:

clausentum wrote:

Georgem wrote:

clausentum wrote:
" . . . 40 odd burglaries"

what are "odd burglaries"?

Ones where the burglar re-arranges the furniture in a more Feng Shui manner, and pops a quiche in the oven, perhaps? That'd be quite odd.

Or a burglar who only steals Mantovani, Barry Manilow and Eartha Kit LPs and turns them into flower bowls? That'd be quite odd.

At trial, his barrister could reasonably invoke an Insanity Defence?

Not for that. If he stole those and actually listened to them, an insanity plea would be a no-brainer.

A couple of years back I found myself in heavy traffic and behind a Corsa with the bumper sticker:

"My car stereo only plays Barry Manilow".

I dropped back two car lengths and switched lanes. A scary motoring encounter. Phew!

clausentum wrote:
Posters on this thread are simply angling for a cheapskate giggle

I bet some are trawling on Google for new ones, don't take the bait or they will catch you hook, line and sinker.