We had a wonderfully festive and entertaining evening out in Oxford this week, when the city’s most eccentric characters were out in force, waiting to spread bad will at every opportunity.

It struck us as ludicrous that while the theatres around us were packed to the gills with people paying for the best Christmas entertainment to be had, little did they know there was a free gig down the road, happening right here in front of us.

It had everything – romance, drama, emotions, fisticuffs – all the right elements you’d expect from a really good soap opera in fact.

Where were we? The New Theatre? The Playhouse? No, Oxford city centre on a Tuesday night. The fun kicked off while we were getting off the bus, en route to the St Aldate’s Tavern, my new local, when a man waiting to get on the bus stopped and accosted me, by asking for a Christmas kiss.

Harmless fun you’d think but, as he’d obviously had a few, I declined (oh come on I wasn’t that desperate), at which point he wheeled around and started screaming abuse at me until I’d long gone (you stupid ******* b**** etc).

We could hear his threats following me down the street until we reached the pub. He’d obviously taken it rather personally, I thought, completely unperturbed as my girlfriends gathered around protectively.

Once inside this lovely city centre inn we obviously sat in the front row, sorry, I mean window seats, where we could watch from utter safety the festive pageant that continued to unroll before our very eyes. And boy it was entertaining.

First of all a police car screeched up and arrested a dodgy looking bloke with a dog loitering with intent down a side street by the town hall.

Then some other dodgy looking fellas arrived, followed by more police cars until they were all fenced in, lights flashing, and the handcuffs came out.

Very exciting. I kept expecting someone with a clipboard to shout “cut” and the film crews to show themselves.

And that wasn’t all. Once they’d cleared off, a man and woman began having a very colourful argument on the pavement outside in true EastEnders style with lots of effing and blinding, threats, and hand signals until after about 10 minutes she eventually gave up and staggered off into the distance. A wise move, judging by the look of him.

In fact there was so much going on that we wanted to either ring a bell for the next round or applaud between acts. Who needs Christmas TV?

But while it’s easy to make light of, I was doing all this from the comfort of my seat, surrounded by great friends and we travelled home together. So without wanting to be the bad fairy, bear all this in mind when you’re staggering home worse for wear after your Christmas party.

It can get quite nasty quite quickly out there. Don’t go it alone.

  • Mac The Knife returns on Wednesday, January 2