THE first time we met, we were on a train. As far as I was concerned it was instant. Something happened there and then.

I was supposed to be getting off but I ended up going to the end of the line with her and rather nervously giving her my details.

We corresponded and kept in touch by telephone for two years until I decided I had to see her. I did and decided, yes, this is the person I want to marry.

Something was said about me that wasn't true, though, and we went our separate ways.

She got married, had a child and got divorced, but I didn't know this at the time.

Then, out of the blue one day I heard from her.

I told her to come and see me, and we were engaged after three days.

She told me her ex-husband didn't care for their child and was violent.

I fell into the trap of believing everything she said to me.

It wasn't until quite some time later, after we were married, that she told me that she had attacked him.

In some ways, it was almost like she had two personalities.

On the one hand she could be the sweetest person in the world. But on the other hand there was not just losing it, but having no control over herself whatsoever.

I would never have believed it to start with. Her previous husband tried to warn me but I took that as sour grapes.

We got married around four months after our engagement.

One of the first hints of what was to come occurred about two weeks after we got married, when I received a telephone bill.

It showed that I had called a female friend in Australia. When she saw it on the bill she went into meltdown, almost a catatonic fit.

She ended up in the bath, shaking and not talking.

She was also so jealous of my relationship with my sister that she made me terminate it to show she was more important.

It was all incredibly subtle; I didn't think much of it to start with.

She became pregnant quite soon. I was happy and she was happy. It didn't last long. I don't know what was going on inside her but she became aggressive. It ranged from anger tantrums, to silence, to throwing things, to physically attacking me with a wooden stool.

That was the only time I physically restrained her. I was on the floor and she was hitting me over the head with it.

She was pregnant so I very carefully lifted her to the floor. I think she was quite surprised. I am 5ft 10in and she is 5ft 4in but I always took the peaceful course.

I called the police, who arrested her and were prepared to charge her, but I was persuaded out of prosecuting by her family.

They explained it away by saying that she was hormonal. But after she gave birth to our son, that sort of behaviour continued.

She told me after the event that her mother had attacked her with a chair when she was a child.

All I can put it down to is that she had a deep psychological trauma in childhood that has never been dealt with.

I lived making sure I always had an escape route. She often tried to beat doors down. You see these horror films with people trying to get through doors. It was exactly like that.

There was never any reason for it, no point of conflict. I can honestly say we never had a proper argument our entire marriage.

One time she decided to ring the police and say that I attacked her. The police saw it for what it was but they said to us both, "if either of you call us again, we will prosecute both of you for wasting police time". So I didn't, even though I was being violently pursued on an almost weekly basis.

She regularly tried to attack me, she was verbally abusive and would often belittle me, especially in front of the children.

It would go from everything being fine and normal to three-day silences.

Her main concerns were money and what other people were thinking.

There was never the opportunity for me to really challenge her in what I would call a proper argument because she would involve the children and I just wouldn't do it in front of them.

I was going to work in tears every morning because of what was happening. In the end, I gave up running my own business.

Why didn't I leave? I had made a lifetime commitment to someone who was ill and then there were the children.

I still cared for her. I don't consider any problem impossible to deal with, but the willingness to deal with it has to be there.

I finally decided I had to leave when it got to the point where I was living alone in one room of the house.

She made it impossible for me to be in the same physical space as her - if I came out she would scream and shout.

It was like that for three months and about six weeks in, I realised I was close to a breakdown.

I started looking for help and, through the Internet, I discovered there were thousands of other guys going through the same thing.

Most men don't believe that they will get any help and they are right. The whole thing is so distorted - most of the time because you are male, you are treated like you are the problem, so don't expect it to be easy.

My doctor couldn't offer any help and when I called the police during one incident shortly before I left they came and said, "if it's that bad why don't you leave?

I said, "Where do I go?" and "I have got children" but they shrugged their shoulders and left.

It was then I realised I had to leave, I had no choice.

I found the only organisation out there that could offer sensible support was ManKind. They are a small charity that will tell you the truth and will help if they can.

Even though I'd said I wasn't leaving permanently, when I returned two weeks later she had changed the locks.

Most importantly, I have struggled to see my children for the last three years, which has been devastating, like having an arm or a leg ripped off.

The ManKind Initiative is a charity that supports male victims of domestic abuse. To contact them, call 01823 334244 or e-mail admin@mankind.org.uk