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Features
Elderly couple fight to stay together

THEIR love survived the Nazis but now Hampshire care bosses may tear them apart. Second World War veteran Thomas Bashford, 82, and his wife Iris, 81, were supposed to be celebrating their diamond wedding this year - but now they fear they will not even be living together.

After suffering a number of health problems Tom has been admitted to Southampton General Hospital after a heart attack.

He has been told that once he leaves the hospital he will be entitled to live in a residential home - but his partner of more than 66 years would probably not.

Their case brings into sharp focus the fierce debate that has broken out about how we care for our elderly in the years to come.

Tom's condition is serious enough to warrant residential care but, despite being almost blind and having severe mobility problems, Iris may not be entitled to join him.

The Fawley grandparents met in 1942, just before Tom joined the Navy, in which he served aboard a minesweeper in the Mediterranean.

Tom took a picture of his 16-year-old bride-to-be Iris Cook with him to war and wrote letters whenever he had a moment to himself.

He returned in 1946 and theymarried two years later.

Speaking from his hospital bed he told the Daily Echo: "I feel pretty grim about the future. The war didn't split us up but now this could. I never thought I would see the day when I was separated from my wife.

"We have both worked our whole life, paying into the system, and I am not happy that we are being treated like this."

Iris, who worked in the sewing industry all her life, wept as she said: "I don't want to be without him. I am very upset and angry.

Apart from the war and hospital we have never been away from each other. I think things would have been different years ago.

Old people used to be treated differently."

The couple's daughter, Lynne Kotchie, said she was horrified when she was told the pair may have to live apart.

She has had one meeting with a team at the hospital made up of medical staff, Hampshire County Council social services and specialists to discuss her father's care.

Following the meeting, Mrs Kotchie said social services phoned her to suggest a residential home placement might be an option for her father. She said: "We are still trying to establish what we are entitled to. It was suggested Dad could go to a home, but funding would not be available forMum. If they have to split up, it will be like having a limb cut off for them. They just won't survive without each other.

"I don't know howMum is expected to get by without Dad. He is her eyes and she can barely move about at home without feeling her way around the furniture.

"They have paid into the system all their lives and it is appalling that the Government isn't prepared to look after them in their twilight years.

"We don't know how much time either of them has left and it is a very unfeeling society that would expect them to spend it apart. I think a serious review of the care service and how the Government spends our money is needed."

She went on to say that a friend of hers had just had to sell her dad's home to pay for his care.

"My parents don't own their own home so it was not an issue, but I know my friend's dad had always wanted to leave his home to his children and grandchildren and now he can't.

"It is terrible to spend your whole life buying your home and lose it just like that to pay for something you should get for free."

Lynne, her husband Neil, other family and friends and carers have to visit every day to cook, clean and make sure her mum takes the right pills. She said that in the past her mum had inadvertently drunk fabric softener thinking it was milk because her eyesight is so bad.

A Southampton University Hospital NHS Trust spokesman said no decision had yet been made and that all options would be looked at in full cooperation with the family.

She said: "A multi-disciplinary team of specialists will be working with the family and the individual to assess his needs and the best way of meeting them. Any decision made at these meetings would be passed to Hampshire Primary Care Trust or Hampshire County Council social services."

A Hampshire Primary Care Trust spokesman said it could not talk about individual cases but said it had not received referral from the hospital treatingMr Bashford as yet.

Councillor Felicity Hindson, Hampshire County Council's executive member for adult social care, said: "For many elderly people it is often a very confusing and worrying time when they find themselves in hospital wondering how life will be when they are discharged.

"At Hampshire County Council one of our priorities is to support people to help them live in their own homes for as long as possible.

"Following any decision by hospital staff to discharge a person from medical care our adult services staff work very closely with colleagues in the health service to determine the most appropriate levels of care.

"We always consult the individual and their family keeping them fully involved in the decision making process.

"Our top priority is always ensuring that any care arrangements which are eventually put in place meet an individual's specific needs and personal circumstances."

10:06am Sunday 18th May 2008

Print   Email this   Comment
Posted by: John, Southampton on 11:05am Sun 18 May 08
Lets hope that some common sence prevails, but this type of problem seems to happen too often.
Posted by: Granny from the Hood, Southampton on 11:58am Sun 18 May 08
What disgusting treatment!
After all those years together how 'can' they be expected to just accept this treatment?
It's about time that priorities were examined and instead of keeping convicts in the custom at Her Majestey's LEISURE some money be used for these more needy people....
Posted by: paul b on 12:38pm Sun 18 May 08
What a rubbish story, its based on what ifs, not facts

I hope they find an ideal solution whatever happens
Posted by: lowe and behold, st marys hotseat on 1:42pm Sun 18 May 08
Is it old biddy day today!
Posted by: hulla, baloo on 1:51pm Sun 18 May 08
"...been made and that all options would be looked at in full cooperation with the family."

Surely there is only one option, and that is to keep them together, is only about where they will go.


Also, why has the reporter devalued their long marriage by calling his wife a partner.(paragraph 3)?
Posted by: sammy, soton on 3:05pm Sun 18 May 08
instead of building drug centres in southampton, isnt it about time? we build some more homes for the elderly? i would have rather had a nice care home for the elderly than the drug centre they have built in college place. all the drug addicts are going in to the flats by it and leaving needles and other unthinkable things, whats this world comming to?
Posted by: Fred on 4:41pm Sun 18 May 08
hulla wrote:
"...been made and that all options would be looked at in full cooperation with the family." Surely there is only one option, and that is to keep them together, is only about where they will go. Also, why has the reporter devalued their long marriage by calling his wife a partner.(paragraph 3)?
Partner because Simon Carr is one of those PC cretins we have to suffer.
Posted by: del boy, southampton on 10:49pm Sun 18 May 08
i really cannot understand why social services care dept dont allow them to be able to live together & just visit them on a daily basis, after all isnt that what social services for elderly care is suposed to do , they are paid & funded by the council & government to help in situations like this.
just more proof of the british social care & social services not providing what they are paid and employed to do.
for gods sake just stop shuffling bits of paper in your offices & help these two elderly people.
after all these are tax payers in their golden years ,at least give them the respect they have earned they have paid into the system all their lives ,just give them a little piece back.thats all they are asking for.
the health service can pay out £millions to drug addicts on the methadone programe but you cant spare the money to provide help for these 2 elderly people.
i am disgusted at the way these 2 elderly people are being treated.
i am going to contact my local MP about this situation ,so should other readers too.
Posted by: Anon, Hants on 11:04pm Sun 18 May 08
A similar thing almost happened to my parent-in-laws two years ago, just after their 70th wedding anniversary and an incredible 75 years after they first met!

Mum was in need of 24 hour care by this time, and, even though she was Dad's carer, Social Services said he wasn't bad enough for a residential home and the couple would have to be split up.

As it happened, Mum died before Social Services had made any arrangements and, without an ounce of sympathy, you could hear the relief in the Social Workers voice when the news was broken to her.

The government, both national and local, can find millions of pounds to look after illegal immigrants and let prisoners live in luxury, but when it comes to our own elderly people there is never enough money in the kitty.

As a family we supported Mum and Dad the best we could, and continue to look after Dad in his own home with minimal support from Social Services.

But I would like to know where their taxes have gone ... and mine too. Surely it is not too much to ask for people to get something in return?
Posted by: GL, Southampton on 11:13pm Sun 18 May 08
Fred wrote:
hulla wrote: "...been made and that all options would be looked at in full cooperation with the family." Surely there is only one option, and that is to keep them together, is only about where they will go. Also, why has the reporter devalued their long marriage by calling his wife a partner.(paragraph 3)?
Partner because Simon Carr is one of those PC cretins we have to suffer.
In fairness to Simon Carr, I think he means they have been partners for 66 years as opposed to being married for almost 60 (ie. approaching their Diamond anniversary).

However, I do agree that it is non-PC for anyone to have a wife/husband these days. It is time for those of us who are white, straight, married and abled to fight back.

We have rights too!
Posted by: Dave, Soton on 9:36am Mon 19 May 08
Fred wrote:
hulla wrote: "...been made and that all options would be looked at in full cooperation with the family." Surely there is only one option, and that is to keep them together, is only about where they will go. Also, why has the reporter devalued their long marriage by calling his wife a partner.(paragraph 3)?
Partner because Simon Carr is one of those PC cretins we have to suffer.
Fred, while I appreciate that you have probably only just learned to type instead of mashing the keyboard with your face I feel i have to explain that as the couple have not been married for 66 years I would have been annoyed if the reporter had said wife of 66 years. Unless PC stands for factually accurate in your world it would seem you are talking rubbish and that you are king cretin
Posted by: Joy Ryder, Southampton on 6:54pm Mon 19 May 08
Absolutely disgusting. What exactly are people paying into the system for? On www.buzzindisgrace.c
o.uk you can send an email to protest to the Prime Minister.
Posted by: wills on 4:04pm Tue 20 May 08
Hundred billion - that is what is spent on QUANGOS ! Nepotism at it's worst. Look how many family members of politicians are on these unelected organizations - sponging of you and me. I believe the incoming government at the next election should establish a Royal Commission to investigate this tawdry administration. How odd that some poor civil servant shredded (by accident) all of Tony Blairs expense logs whilst he was PM! Still luckily the inland revenue will have copies - won't they ? What chance the eldery !
Posted by: sharon, hants on 6:43pm Tue 20 May 08
Why is no-one giving this family legal advice. Was there not a case similar to this in Portsmouth which was taken to the European Court because what social services are doing breaches Article 8 of the Human Rights Act which entitles all to a private and family life.
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