Father tells how he reacted to daughter having under age sex

A teenager couple

A teenager couple

First published in Health Daily Echo: Photograph of the Author by

What would you do if you discovered your 13-year-old daughter was sleeping with her 15-year-old boyfriend? A Southampton father of four tells Sarah Jones how he reacted.

“IT was about four or five months ago that my 13-yearold daughter started seeing her first ‘proper’ boyfriend.

They got to know each other through school. He’s 15.

We weren’t happy about the age gap from the start but you can’t stop these things. Instead we made sure they knew there were lines to be drawn and they weren’t to cross them. Obviously, that didn’t work.

We realised their relationship had moved that step further a couple of weeks ago. Our daughter had been very quiet so hermumapproached her and she basically came clean. She said it had happened once. It was a spur of the moment thing and that they both regretted it.

We weren’t expecting it at all.

Obviously we were pretty disappointed and annoyed but there wasn’t much point in really shouting at her about it because it had already been done.

But we were very unhappy with him because they were warned beforehand that nothing was to be going on.

Within 20 minutes of finding out, we were straight on the phone to the police because we thought it was a criminal act. The age of consent is 16, after all.

It was a Sunday night and we waited for about three-and-a-half-hours for a policeman to come out to us.

We had to keep our daughter up so that she could speak to him as well.

She was quite upset and was worried about what was going to happen to her boyfriend.

They kept ringing us to say that because of the seriousness of it they would be coming but that they were a bit tied up. It was about midnight by the time a male PC arrived.

All he could do was take down the basic details and left half an hour later.

He assured us it was very serious and that a sensitive interview team would come out to speak with our daughter because of her age and the circumstances.

He assured us it would be dealt with very quickly and that if we hadn’t heard anything by the Wednesday, to call and find out what was going on.

No one called, so I rang on the Wednesday but nobody called me back. I rang again the next day and spoke to a sergeant.

I had quite a heated conversation with him because I was immediately told it wasn’t going to be taken any further. He said because of their closeness in age and the fact that it was consensual they didn’t feel it was worth pursuing it.

When I said, ‘but isn’t it illegal?’ the sergeant said although it is against the law to have underage sex, the local force policy is not to prosecute when the ages are so close together.

There is a good two years between them so we assumed something would have been done.

All we really wanted was for the police to attend his house and have a stern word. We didn’t want any court action or anything like that. We just wanted him to know it’s illegal and that it was wrong.

But the sergeant ended up saying if it went any further we would have to hold charges against our daughter because they were both under-age and had consented.

He said they were passing it to Social Services but nothing’s being done that end.

We rang the boy’s parents and spoke to them.I think they probably did a better job on him than anyone else.

We can only say to our daughter and her boyfriend you shouldn’t be doing it and don’t, but you can’t watch them 24 hours a day. We hope she doesn’t do it again but if she does she might not be so lucky and end up pregnant or something.

Basically, it’s just a green light to the boy to go ahead and do it because there are no repercussions afterwards. As far as he’s concerned, he’s got away with it scot-free.”

Hampshire police statement

“Hampshire Constabulary can confirm it received a report of a 13-year-old Southampton girl and a 15-year-old Southampton boy engaging in underage sexual activity. Contact was made with the person reporting the incident and, having made further enquiries, it was quickly established both children had acted with consent.

Hampshire Constabulary has a grading policy in place to ensure all offences involving children are dealt with appropriately. In this case, both the children have committed offences against each other under the Sexual Offences Act 2003. It was decided not to take the matter any further because it is not the constabulary’s intention to criminalise young people of similar age engaging in consensual sexual activity, or in the public interest to do so.

Due to our grading of this incident, the force has referred this matter to Social Services to deal with as the most appropriate agency to progress this issue and this action has been fully communicated to the person reporting.”

Advice on talking about sex to teens

You may want to talk to your teenager about waiting to have sex, contraception, sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and the effects of having a child while they are still at school. There are many ways you can help:

■ find out what education they are getting in school about sex and relationships
■ provide them with information and advice on subjects not covered at school
■ offer to go with your teenager to the doctor or sexual health clinic to discuss any issues about contraception
■ make sure they know about STIs, and know how to stay safe
■ support your teenager as they deal with the emotions of a first intimate relationship
■ talk about the importance of considering the feelings of others in relationships, and not just the biology
■ you may find your teenager does not have the same values as you when it comes to sex. Try not to let this bother you – it’s a normal part of them growing up.

Comments (25)

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12:10pm Tue 30 Nov 10

No_Fuss says...

I'm great beliver of single sexed schools... !!!! How ever the parent should of stamped out any form of relationship from the start !!! 13 is still a child.... why even let a 15 yr old boy any where near her ...... is he thick ? there goes another childhood down the drain !!! The farther should of known better and the girl shouldn't of even known of such things...and the boy sent to a young offender's !!! whats he doing hanging with a 13yr old for ???
I'm great beliver of single sexed schools... !!!! How ever the parent should of stamped out any form of relationship from the start !!! 13 is still a child.... why even let a 15 yr old boy any where near her ...... is he thick ? there goes another childhood down the drain !!! The farther should of known better and the girl shouldn't of even known of such things...and the boy sent to a young offender's !!! whats he doing hanging with a 13yr old for ??? No_Fuss
  • Score: -1

12:23pm Tue 30 Nov 10

Spot O'Bother says...

I find it difficult to get my head around the parents being so upset about consensual sex, even if they are both underage. It seems pretty normal to me.

Getting pregnant at 13 will probably affect her health later in life. Explain condom use?
I find it difficult to get my head around the parents being so upset about consensual sex, even if they are both underage. It seems pretty normal to me. Getting pregnant at 13 will probably affect her health later in life. Explain condom use? Spot O'Bother
  • Score: 0

12:31pm Tue 30 Nov 10

St.DaveH says...

The parents appear to have taken the right steps in talking to the girl, but obviously the message of consequence did not sink in. Many young people choose the pregnancy route, and because of the benefits, child allowance payments and housing they would not otherwise enjoy. Although you cannot condone what went on, both the kids are at the age of sexual awareness and will become more increasingly curious about the forbidden fruit - we've all been there at that age. I'am more concerned with the poor communication by the police of not fulfilling what they said they would do in the time scale....this is an ever increasing probelm with a diminishing resource.
The parents appear to have taken the right steps in talking to the girl, but obviously the message of consequence did not sink in. Many young people choose the pregnancy route, and because of the benefits, child allowance payments and housing they would not otherwise enjoy. Although you cannot condone what went on, both the kids are at the age of sexual awareness and will become more increasingly curious about the forbidden fruit - we've all been there at that age. I'am more concerned with the poor communication by the police of not fulfilling what they said they would do in the time scale....this is an ever increasing probelm with a diminishing resource. St.DaveH
  • Score: 0

12:31pm Tue 30 Nov 10

St.DaveH says...

The parents appear to have taken the right steps in talking to the girl, but obviously the message of consequence did not sink in. Many young people choose the pregnancy route, and because of the benefits, child allowance payments and housing they would not otherwise enjoy. Although you cannot condone what went on, both the kids are at the age of sexual awareness and will become more increasingly curious about the forbidden fruit - we've all been there at that age. I'am more concerned with the poor communication by the police of not fulfilling what they said they would do in the time scale....this is an ever increasing probelm with a diminishing resource.
The parents appear to have taken the right steps in talking to the girl, but obviously the message of consequence did not sink in. Many young people choose the pregnancy route, and because of the benefits, child allowance payments and housing they would not otherwise enjoy. Although you cannot condone what went on, both the kids are at the age of sexual awareness and will become more increasingly curious about the forbidden fruit - we've all been there at that age. I'am more concerned with the poor communication by the police of not fulfilling what they said they would do in the time scale....this is an ever increasing probelm with a diminishing resource. St.DaveH
  • Score: 0

12:33pm Tue 30 Nov 10

soton1980 says...

No_Fuss wrote:
I'm great beliver of single sexed schools... !!!! How ever the parent should of stamped out any form of relationship from the start !!! 13 is still a child.... why even let a 15 yr old boy any where near her ...... is he thick ? there goes another childhood down the drain !!! The farther should of known better and the girl shouldn't of even known of such things...and the boy sent to a young offender's !!! whats he doing hanging with a 13yr old for ???
From personal experience I can instantly say that in my opinion single-sex schools are not a good thing. Yes, they may prevent stuff like this happening, but I believe it is incredibly unhealthy for an individual to be growing up and spending their teenage years in a same-sex environment. I was lucky enough to be in several clubs when growing up, but saw the effects it had on other people's social skills and development.
.
With regards to the age difference the detailed circumstances of the case aren't clear. For instance, If the girl was about to turn 14 and the boy had only just turned 15, then it is nowhere near as bad as a girl who has only just turned 13 dating a guy who's about to turn 16! That's just my own personal opinion though and I still think it is wrong at this age.
[quote][p][bold]No_Fuss[/bold] wrote: I'm great beliver of single sexed schools... !!!! How ever the parent should of stamped out any form of relationship from the start !!! 13 is still a child.... why even let a 15 yr old boy any where near her ...... is he thick ? there goes another childhood down the drain !!! The farther should of known better and the girl shouldn't of even known of such things...and the boy sent to a young offender's !!! whats he doing hanging with a 13yr old for ???[/p][/quote]From personal experience I can instantly say that in my opinion single-sex schools are not a good thing. Yes, they may prevent stuff like this happening, but I believe it is incredibly unhealthy for an individual to be growing up and spending their teenage years in a same-sex environment. I was lucky enough to be in several clubs when growing up, but saw the effects it had on other people's social skills and development. . With regards to the age difference the detailed circumstances of the case aren't clear. For instance, If the girl was about to turn 14 and the boy had only just turned 15, then it is nowhere near as bad as a girl who has only just turned 13 dating a guy who's about to turn 16! That's just my own personal opinion though and I still think it is wrong at this age. soton1980
  • Score: 1

1:18pm Tue 30 Nov 10

Sasha2020 says...

While I may be in the minority, I agree with the stance of Hants Constabulary on this issue.

Had they taken the issue any further as a criminal case, there is a possibility that both children would have ended up on the sex offenders register, which in my view would be a gross over-reaction. If you look into it, in the US there is a growing trend to prosecute for this sort of incident, which is resulting in lots of teenage boys (and girls) being criminalised as sexual offenders. I don't think it's an appropriate or proportionate response. It concerns me that Social Services are involved, too - to me, this is something that should be dealt with by the families of the children concerned, not the state.

I have complete sympathy with the parents - I have a daughter the same age and it can be incredibly hard to set boundaries, especially when so many kids her age don't seem to have any at all . All I can suggest is that perhaps, only allowing them supervised access to each other is the way forward. If our daughter has male friends round, they have to sit in the dining room with the door open - while it allows them a reasonable degree of privacy, it also discourages things from getting out of hand.
While I may be in the minority, I agree with the stance of Hants Constabulary on this issue. Had they taken the issue any further as a criminal case, there is a possibility that both children would have ended up on the sex offenders register, which in my view would be a gross over-reaction. If you look into it, in the US there is a growing trend to prosecute for this sort of incident, which is resulting in lots of teenage boys (and girls) being criminalised as sexual offenders. I don't think it's an appropriate or proportionate response. It concerns me that Social Services are involved, too - to me, this is something that should be dealt with by the families of the children concerned, not the state. I have complete sympathy with the parents - I have a daughter the same age and it can be incredibly hard to set boundaries, especially when so many kids her age don't seem to have any at all . All I can suggest is that perhaps, only allowing them supervised access to each other is the way forward. If our daughter has male friends round, they have to sit in the dining room with the door open - while it allows them a reasonable degree of privacy, it also discourages things from getting out of hand. Sasha2020
  • Score: 1

1:29pm Tue 30 Nov 10

Shoong says...

It's a tricky one finding the right balance.

You can be too stand offish & let them make a serious mistake or the other way so they end up hating you & doing it anyway.
It's a tricky one finding the right balance. You can be too stand offish & let them make a serious mistake or the other way so they end up hating you & doing it anyway. Shoong
  • Score: 1

2:26pm Tue 30 Nov 10

hythe knights says...

Spot O'Bother wrote:
I find it difficult to get my head around the parents being so upset about consensual sex, even if they are both underage. It seems pretty normal to me. Getting pregnant at 13 will probably affect her health later in life. Explain condom use?
As we are a western country with a guide line to morals 13 is way too young for this to happen but this is a couple of years older than some girls getting married at 11 in pakistan and india.
[quote][p][bold]Spot O'Bother[/bold] wrote: I find it difficult to get my head around the parents being so upset about consensual sex, even if they are both underage. It seems pretty normal to me. Getting pregnant at 13 will probably affect her health later in life. Explain condom use?[/p][/quote]As we are a western country with a guide line to morals 13 is way too young for this to happen but this is a couple of years older than some girls getting married at 11 in pakistan and india. hythe knights
  • Score: 0

2:33pm Tue 30 Nov 10

Stillness says...

If they didn’t want the boy taken to court why did they call the police? They made the right move when they decided to talk to the lads parents. And now I'm left wondering why they found it necessary to get it in the news. There's nowt as strange as folk.
If they didn’t want the boy taken to court why did they call the police? They made the right move when they decided to talk to the lads parents. And now I'm left wondering why they found it necessary to get it in the news. There's nowt as strange as folk. Stillness
  • Score: 0

2:58pm Tue 30 Nov 10

Linesman says...

What is the meaning of the term, 'The age of consent'?

In the eyes of the law, how can someone who has not reached the age of consent, give their consent?

If they broke the law, how can the Police, the law enforcement agency, interpret the law in such a way?

If she had 'given her consent' to a 25 year old, 35 year old or a 45 year old, would they have been saying the same thing?

I am not saying that the boy should have been hauled up before the bench, but the police should have taken more action than just making a note in a diary. The sergeant should have got off of his rear-end, visited both the boy and the girl and put the fear of god into them.

What excuse has he given for his inactivity?

Government cuts?
What is the meaning of the term, 'The age of consent'? In the eyes of the law, how can someone who has not reached the age of consent, give their consent? If they broke the law, how can the Police, the law enforcement agency, interpret the law in such a way? If she had 'given her consent' to a 25 year old, 35 year old or a 45 year old, would they have been saying the same thing? I am not saying that the boy should have been hauled up before the bench, but the police should have taken more action than just making a note in a diary. The sergeant should have got off of his rear-end, visited both the boy and the girl and put the fear of god into them. What excuse has he given for his inactivity? Government cuts? Linesman
  • Score: 0

3:34pm Tue 30 Nov 10

Torchie1 says...

If the act was consensual, they are both under aged and both guilty of committing the offence. Prosecute one and you have to prosecute both. The article seems to give the impression that the greater offence was to show the father that his little angel was growing up a lot quicker than he realised and he was looking for someone to take it out on.
If the act was consensual, they are both under aged and both guilty of committing the offence. Prosecute one and you have to prosecute both. The article seems to give the impression that the greater offence was to show the father that his little angel was growing up a lot quicker than he realised and he was looking for someone to take it out on. Torchie1
  • Score: 2

4:53pm Tue 30 Nov 10

Vconfused says...

This is well known to be how the law is applied. If you have teenagers who are in a relationship, you really should know this already!
Why should the police waste their time doing what parents should do?

Linesman, the article is very clear. If there is a big age gap the police will prosecute. They could even prosecute is one is above and one below age of consent, eg 16 and 13. But, if they are less than 2 years apart in age and both had the maturity to understand what they are doing, then they won't. The age of consent rule is there so that men or women who have start abusive/exploitative sexual relationships with young people can be prosecuted. Its not there to criminalise every person under the age of 16. Otherwise we would need to immediately triple the police forces of Southampton and Portsmouth.
This is well known to be how the law is applied. If you have teenagers who are in a relationship, you really should know this already! Why should the police waste their time doing what parents should do? Linesman, the article is very clear. If there is a big age gap the police will prosecute. They could even prosecute is one is above and one below age of consent, eg 16 and 13. But, if they are less than 2 years apart in age and both had the maturity to understand what they are doing, then they won't. The age of consent rule is there so that men or women who have start abusive/exploitative sexual relationships with young people can be prosecuted. Its not there to criminalise every person under the age of 16. Otherwise we would need to immediately triple the police forces of Southampton and Portsmouth. Vconfused
  • Score: 1

5:28pm Tue 30 Nov 10

menotyou says...

I dont see why the girls parents didnt just speak to the boys parents in the first instance before all this occured when they first found out they were seeing each other - with 2 sets of parents speaking to them both openly they probably could have educated them both and they wouldnt now be regretting their decision to have sex because they probably would have just waited! and as for calling the police on the boy - what automatically makes it his fault? everybody knows that boys and girls have different rates of maturing so a 13year old girl and a 15 year old boy are probably at about the same mental age and i really dont see why wasting police time calling them away from solving real crime such as actual rape cases is going to do anything when it should be the parents who deal with these situations? if the girl was not forced into it or groomed which is unlikely with such an age gap and of course social services need to be called in these people are clearly not able to raise their children by themselves!!
I dont see why the girls parents didnt just speak to the boys parents in the first instance before all this occured when they first found out they were seeing each other - with 2 sets of parents speaking to them both openly they probably could have educated them both and they wouldnt now be regretting their decision to have sex because they probably would have just waited! and as for calling the police on the boy - what automatically makes it his fault? everybody knows that boys and girls have different rates of maturing so a 13year old girl and a 15 year old boy are probably at about the same mental age and i really dont see why wasting police time calling them away from solving real crime such as actual rape cases is going to do anything when it should be the parents who deal with these situations? if the girl was not forced into it or groomed which is unlikely with such an age gap and of course social services need to be called in these people are clearly not able to raise their children by themselves!! menotyou
  • Score: 1

5:57pm Tue 30 Nov 10

Stillness says...

When I was an innocent 13 year old I was deflowered by a 15 year old girl. Rather than call the police I made do with walking around with a HUGE smile on my face for about 2 weeks. What’s the problem with people now days? If in doubt (and they most often are) it's straight on the phone to dear old Bill.
When I was an innocent 13 year old I was deflowered by a 15 year old girl. Rather than call the police I made do with walking around with a HUGE smile on my face for about 2 weeks. What’s the problem with people now days? If in doubt (and they most often are) it's straight on the phone to dear old Bill. Stillness
  • Score: 1

8:05pm Tue 30 Nov 10

now in the north says...

How pathetic that this father cannot take responsibilty for not teaching his daughter to respect herself and to make the right choices.
Looking to blame a 15 year old boy who did not force himself on anybody and could have easily ended up on the sex offenders register, ruining his future employment prospects etc.
When I took my long term boyfriend home, my mum and stepfather had a serious talk with us both about the consequences (even though we already knew them) and my stepdad also pointed out that if we were to sleep together, that my boyfriend would put himself at risk legally if I were to later change my mind or feel aggreived etc
It was all very open and very fair.
This dad should not be blaming anyone except himself.
How pathetic that this father cannot take responsibilty for not teaching his daughter to respect herself and to make the right choices. Looking to blame a 15 year old boy who did not force himself on anybody and could have easily ended up on the sex offenders register, ruining his future employment prospects etc. When I took my long term boyfriend home, my mum and stepfather had a serious talk with us both about the consequences (even though we already knew them) and my stepdad also pointed out that if we were to sleep together, that my boyfriend would put himself at risk legally if I were to later change my mind or feel aggreived etc It was all very open and very fair. This dad should not be blaming anyone except himself. now in the north
  • Score: 1

9:01pm Tue 30 Nov 10

newsknight says...

30 years ago the lad would have been sent to Borstal for this offence, and if the girl had a baby she'd have to hope her parents would support her - nowadays the underage have babies and get houses, they call this progress? Its all very sad, but apart from parents educating their kids I reckon the dad just wanted the Police to help by putting the frighteners on the lad to make him think twice next time- not too much to ask, is it? Ooops - forgot - probably not Politically Correct these days :-(
30 years ago the lad would have been sent to Borstal for this offence, and if the girl had a baby she'd have to hope her parents would support her - nowadays the underage have babies and get houses, they call this progress? Its all very sad, but apart from parents educating their kids I reckon the dad just wanted the Police to help by putting the frighteners on the lad to make him think twice next time- not too much to ask, is it? Ooops - forgot - probably not Politically Correct these days :-( newsknight
  • Score: 0

10:48pm Tue 30 Nov 10

Rax says...

now in the north wrote:
How pathetic that this father cannot take responsibilty for not teaching his daughter to respect herself and to make the right choices.
Looking to blame a 15 year old boy who did not force himself on anybody and could have easily ended up on the sex offenders register, ruining his future employment prospects etc.
When I took my long term boyfriend home, my mum and stepfather had a serious talk with us both about the consequences (even though we already knew them) and my stepdad also pointed out that if we were to sleep together, that my boyfriend would put himself at risk legally if I were to later change my mind or feel aggreived etc
It was all very open and very fair.
This dad should not be blaming anyone except himself.
Quite.
[quote][p][bold]now in the north[/bold] wrote: How pathetic that this father cannot take responsibilty for not teaching his daughter to respect herself and to make the right choices. Looking to blame a 15 year old boy who did not force himself on anybody and could have easily ended up on the sex offenders register, ruining his future employment prospects etc. When I took my long term boyfriend home, my mum and stepfather had a serious talk with us both about the consequences (even though we already knew them) and my stepdad also pointed out that if we were to sleep together, that my boyfriend would put himself at risk legally if I were to later change my mind or feel aggreived etc It was all very open and very fair. This dad should not be blaming anyone except himself.[/p][/quote]Quite. Rax
  • Score: 1

11:10pm Tue 30 Nov 10

Linesman says...

Rax wrote:
now in the north wrote: How pathetic that this father cannot take responsibilty for not teaching his daughter to respect herself and to make the right choices. Looking to blame a 15 year old boy who did not force himself on anybody and could have easily ended up on the sex offenders register, ruining his future employment prospects etc. When I took my long term boyfriend home, my mum and stepfather had a serious talk with us both about the consequences (even though we already knew them) and my stepdad also pointed out that if we were to sleep together, that my boyfriend would put himself at risk legally if I were to later change my mind or feel aggreived etc It was all very open and very fair. This dad should not be blaming anyone except himself.
Quite.
Two people who were totally obedient and took heed of every bit of advice their parents gave.
I hope that your respective halos do not slip and choke you.
[quote][p][bold]Rax[/bold] wrote: [quote][p][bold]now in the north[/bold] wrote: How pathetic that this father cannot take responsibilty for not teaching his daughter to respect herself and to make the right choices. Looking to blame a 15 year old boy who did not force himself on anybody and could have easily ended up on the sex offenders register, ruining his future employment prospects etc. When I took my long term boyfriend home, my mum and stepfather had a serious talk with us both about the consequences (even though we already knew them) and my stepdad also pointed out that if we were to sleep together, that my boyfriend would put himself at risk legally if I were to later change my mind or feel aggreived etc It was all very open and very fair. This dad should not be blaming anyone except himself.[/p][/quote]Quite.[/p][/quote]Two people who were totally obedient and took heed of every bit of advice their parents gave. I hope that your respective halos do not slip and choke you. Linesman
  • Score: -1

7:06am Wed 1 Dec 10

Vconfused says...

I wish people didn't repeat this thoughtless crap. Most young people don't have babies to get a house and benefits. Most either are just irresponsible and don't think they have a future and see a future as a mother, or they want something to love, usually because their home life hasn't been great.
It is parent's responsibility to educate their children about sex, not just the school. They should take responsibility. Unfortunately most of those who do get pregnant have parents who don't bother or have too many problems of their own to do a good job.
I wish people didn't repeat this thoughtless crap. Most young people don't have babies to get a house and benefits. Most either are just irresponsible and don't think they have a future and see a future as a mother, or they want something to love, usually because their home life hasn't been great. It is parent's responsibility to educate their children about sex, not just the school. They should take responsibility. Unfortunately most of those who do get pregnant have parents who don't bother or have too many problems of their own to do a good job. Vconfused
  • Score: 0

8:35am Wed 1 Dec 10

ConDemner says...

As a father, I can understand this father's anxiety on realising that his child is no longer completely under his influence. And, for the record, I think that 13 (and 15) is far too young for kids to be having sex. But, sadly, that is the way of parts of our society - we only have to look at the way some parents dress pre-pubescent girls as if they're going to a nightclub.

But I'm struggling to see how the girl's family thought the situation would improve by bringing the police into it. The law is there to prevent children being exploited by predatory adults, not to interfere in teenagers' initial exploration of relationships. Had the boy been a bit older then perhaps the father may have been right to bring the police in. But two people both under sixteen, what's the point in criminalising them?
As a father, I can understand this father's anxiety on realising that his child is no longer completely under his influence. And, for the record, I think that 13 (and 15) is far too young for kids to be having sex. But, sadly, that is the way of parts of our society - we only have to look at the way some parents dress pre-pubescent girls as if they're going to a nightclub. But I'm struggling to see how the girl's family thought the situation would improve by bringing the police into it. The law is there to prevent children being exploited by predatory adults, not to interfere in teenagers' initial exploration of relationships. Had the boy been a bit older then perhaps the father may have been right to bring the police in. But two people both under sixteen, what's the point in criminalising them? ConDemner
  • Score: 1

9:54am Wed 1 Dec 10

Rax says...

Linesman wrote:
Rax wrote:
now in the north wrote: How pathetic that this father cannot take responsibilty for not teaching his daughter to respect herself and to make the right choices. Looking to blame a 15 year old boy who did not force himself on anybody and could have easily ended up on the sex offenders register, ruining his future employment prospects etc. When I took my long term boyfriend home, my mum and stepfather had a serious talk with us both about the consequences (even though we already knew them) and my stepdad also pointed out that if we were to sleep together, that my boyfriend would put himself at risk legally if I were to later change my mind or feel aggreived etc It was all very open and very fair. This dad should not be blaming anyone except himself.
Quite.
Two people who were totally obedient and took heed of every bit of advice their parents gave.
I hope that your respective halos do not slip and choke you.
I think you're rather missing the point.

The criticism is not of the children, it's of the father for attempting to get his daughter's 15 year old boyfriend criminalised and added to the sex offenders' register.
[quote][p][bold]Linesman[/bold] wrote: [quote][p][bold]Rax[/bold] wrote: [quote][p][bold]now in the north[/bold] wrote: How pathetic that this father cannot take responsibilty for not teaching his daughter to respect herself and to make the right choices. Looking to blame a 15 year old boy who did not force himself on anybody and could have easily ended up on the sex offenders register, ruining his future employment prospects etc. When I took my long term boyfriend home, my mum and stepfather had a serious talk with us both about the consequences (even though we already knew them) and my stepdad also pointed out that if we were to sleep together, that my boyfriend would put himself at risk legally if I were to later change my mind or feel aggreived etc It was all very open and very fair. This dad should not be blaming anyone except himself.[/p][/quote]Quite.[/p][/quote]Two people who were totally obedient and took heed of every bit of advice their parents gave. I hope that your respective halos do not slip and choke you.[/p][/quote]I think you're rather missing the point. The criticism is not of the children, it's of the father for attempting to get his daughter's 15 year old boyfriend criminalised and added to the sex offenders' register. Rax
  • Score: 1

10:52am Wed 1 Dec 10

Sasha2020 says...

To be fair, the father did state in the interview that he "just wanted them to attend his house and have a stern word" - not that he wanted the boy prosecuted.

To be honest though, I'm inclined to think that since they phoned the police so soon after finding out, the whole thing was a knee jerk reaction that hadn't been thought through - the likelihood of the police just having a "stern word" if they had taken it seriously as a sexual offence is highly unlikely.
To be fair, the father did state in the interview that he "just wanted them to attend his house and have a stern word" - not that he wanted the boy prosecuted. To be honest though, I'm inclined to think that since they phoned the police so soon after finding out, the whole thing was a knee jerk reaction that hadn't been thought through - the likelihood of the police just having a "stern word" if they had taken it seriously as a sexual offence is highly unlikely. Sasha2020
  • Score: 1

11:20am Wed 1 Dec 10

Elgy says...

Nothing illegal at all. In the eyes of the law they are both under the age of consent and thus no crime can be committed. I would have thought this was obvious? Neither can the boy be done under the 'assault of child under 13' clause as she was not under 13.
Nothing illegal at all. In the eyes of the law they are both under the age of consent and thus no crime can be committed. I would have thought this was obvious? Neither can the boy be done under the 'assault of child under 13' clause as she was not under 13. Elgy
  • Score: 1

11:43am Wed 1 Dec 10

South Coast says...

Obviously I'm against under age sex, and as much as I would myself encourage my child to wait until she was ready and was of a suitable age you can't control what they do outside of the family home. If children want to do it their going to do it, it doesnt matter what you say. Might as well explain safe sex to them, I'd rather my daughter did it under my roof in the safety of my home. Better that then her doing somewhere else, either in a public toilet getting pregnant or catching an STI. At least she'll feel she can talk to me about it and I can provide her with condoms and advice.

Don't know what they expected the police to do. They should be spending more time explaining to their daughter about safe sex then moaning to the police about it.
Obviously I'm against under age sex, and as much as I would myself encourage my child to wait until she was ready and was of a suitable age you can't control what they do outside of the family home. If children want to do it their going to do it, it doesnt matter what you say. Might as well explain safe sex to them, I'd rather my daughter did it under my roof in the safety of my home. Better that then her doing somewhere else, either in a public toilet getting pregnant or catching an STI. At least she'll feel she can talk to me about it and I can provide her with condoms and advice. Don't know what they expected the police to do. They should be spending more time explaining to their daughter about safe sex then moaning to the police about it. South Coast
  • Score: 1

3:38pm Wed 1 Dec 10

WhoMe? says...

Stillness wrote:
When I was an innocent 13 year old I was deflowered by a 15 year old girl. Rather than call the police I made do with walking around with a HUGE smile on my face for about 2 weeks. What’s the problem with people now days? If in doubt (and they most often are) it's straight on the phone to dear old Bill.
Sorry about that, but I'm glad I made you smile!!
[quote][p][bold]Stillness[/bold] wrote: When I was an innocent 13 year old I was deflowered by a 15 year old girl. Rather than call the police I made do with walking around with a HUGE smile on my face for about 2 weeks. What’s the problem with people now days? If in doubt (and they most often are) it's straight on the phone to dear old Bill.[/p][/quote]Sorry about that, but I'm glad I made you smile!! WhoMe?
  • Score: 0

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