TO be frank, parallel parking has never been my strength when it comes to driving – it’s bad enough with my family car so when I tried my hand at berthing a 100,000-tonne cruise ship in Southampton Docks it was decidedly dodgy.

It has always been a burning ambition of mine to stand on the bridge of one of the new super-ships that have now made Southampton their home and bring it into port, and this was finally my chance.

With all the latest gubbins, computers and systems to hand, I mean just how hard could it be?

However, when I was given the chance to fulfil my ambition it all went horribly wrong. This is definitely a job for the experts.

Not that Princess Cruises were mad enough to let me loose on a real ship.

Oh no, but for just a few minutes I was master in command of a highly complex simulator which, although anchored firmly on dry land, exactly mirrored all the systems and pressures that come to bear on the team of officers that guide and safeguard Southampton’s most sophisticated and advanced vessels as they arrive and depart the docks.

These days, due to strict security regulations, the vessel’s bridge is a closed world to passengers so this was a rare opportunity to experience first hand just what it is like to handle a modern-day cruise ship.

This remarkable simulator, which can replicate the approaches of up to 70 different ports around the world, is based in an industrial area just a few miles outside Amsterdam, Holland and is where officers who crew vessels operated by the huge Carnival Corporation regularly come to train and hone their skills.

Daily Echo:

Everything seemed to be going straightforward enough as I stood at the helm of the virtual ship as she headed up a make-believe version of Southampton Water, although a passing computer-generated container vessel did give me a few worried moments.

Fawley and Hythe Pier passed safely by on the port side as I slowed the vast Princess Cruises ship down but then Dock Head was beginning to loom large ahead and I had to begin manoeuvring this enormous ship ready for her final approach to the Ocean Terminal.

Everything was happening all at once: the wind was taking the ship to places it shouldn’t go, I’d forgotten about the current, my reactions were too slow and the speed was too fast, klaxons and warning sirens began to sound as the rudder jammed, then came a sickly crunching noise as I bounced off the berth causing goodness knows how much damage to the hull and probably sending hundreds of pretend passengers rolling out of bed.

It might be a simulator but everything was so realistic that those minutes I was supposed to be in control were absolutely exhausting.

I had been totally wrapped up in trying to juggle bow-thrusters, steering, engine power, and just looking where I was supposed to be heading, all at the same time, and I failed miserably.

I have always had the greatest respect and admiration for seafarers who oversee and maintain these great leviathans as they voyage the oceans of the world but after my brief, albeit totally false, taste of being in command, my regard and approbation has soared even further.

Luckily for the rapidly growing international cruising industry my time as a ship’s captain was over, Princess Cruises were able to reset the computer, and Southampton Water was safe once again.