WHATEVER the business, you need to bend over backwards when it comes to customer service. And with that in mind, I feel compelled to report a cracking little example of how not to do it.

In the run-up to Christmas, I bought a pair of shoes in a Darlington shop where I’m a regular customer.

They were hardly a month old when both shoes cracked across the soles to the extent that they were letting in water.

I’d had enough so, on the way to a Burns Night event in Kielder Forest, I called in to the shop to (a) buy a new dress shirt for the date with the haggis and (b) highlight the fault with the aforementioned shoes.

The fella in the shop responded by telling me that he’d once had a pair of shoes that had cracked across the soles and it was because he’d been doing a lot of bending on his haunches. He even demonstrated the kind of bending he was talking about – it was reminiscent of a weight-lifter preparing for a clean-and-jerk.

“I haven’t been doing a lot of bending on my haunches,” I told him. “I work on a newspaper – there’s not much call for bending on your haunches. I just walk around.”

This didn’t do me any good. I was told I’d need to send my complaint to head office, so I emailed customer services, together with photographs of the cracked shoes.

To be fair, I received a phone call from the shop’s manager the next morning, apologising for the fact that shoes hadn’t been exchanged and promising that a new pair would be waiting for me behind the till.

The phone call was quickly followed by an email of apology from customer services, reassuring me that they’d taken up the issue with the staff “at our Lancaster store”.

I have no idea what the staff in the Lancaster store had done to deserve a rollicking but they must be as confused as me.

Sadly, the resolution didn’t come in time to avoid me having to wear my cracked shoes to the Burns Night bash. It was very wet in Kielder Forest so my socks got a bit soggy.

The shoes did nothing for my dancing technique.

I had to be careful not to bend or twist.

IT was a pleasure to attend two important sporting occasions in Darlington last week.

The grand final of the Darlington Sportswinners Scheme produced some inspirational stories of grass roots talent and dedication.

And a civic reception for Darlington’s boxing world champion Stuart Hall was a welldeserved honour for a local hero.

Imagine if Stuart was able to stage a summer defence of his title at The Northern Echo Arena, vacated by Darlington Football Club and now home to Mowden Park Rugby Club.

It would surely give the stadium its biggest crowd since the Elton John concert a few years back.

Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting...

SO, there I was, at Hartburn Primary School last week, having delivered a story-writing workshop for the children.

I was taken into the staff room for a coffee, joining a number of female teachers enjoying a well-deserved break.

One of them happened to be eating a very large piece of fruit and it was honestly in all innocence that I looked at her, wide-eyed, and blurted out: “That’s the biggest pear I’ve ever seen!”

It sounded like a line straight from a Carry On film and I can only apologise.