Lambert treble fires Saints back to top spot (From Daily Echo)

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  OSPREYSAINT wrote:
  

  tugboat wrote:
  A young Portsmouth woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the sea but just before she could throw herself from the wharf, a handsome young man stopped her.
  "You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor and we are off to Australia tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day and keep you happy."
  With nothing to lose and the prospect of going to Australia, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine and make love to her until dawn.
  Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection. "What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
  "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Australia."
  "I see," the captain says.
  Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's scr*wing me."
  "He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Isle of Wight Ferry."

  If I had a quid for every time I heard that joke I could have saved Pompey single handed.

  just the once then"
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