Paine: Ex-Saint could be Roy's secret weapon (From Daily Echo)

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  Confucious wrote:
  

  george chivers wrote:
  

  Confucious wrote:
  The hit and miss nature of our academy production is inefficient and entirely unneccessary in this modern age.
  
  Don't spread the word, but I have written to Nicola suggesting that we spot talent much earlier and put things on a more scientific basis.
  
  If, as I expect, my idea is taken up then soon you will see the opening of the Saints Soccer Sperm Bank.
  
  The club will pay world class players such as Messi, Rooney and Lambert for a 25 cubic mm sample of the old John Thomas yoghurt which will then be frozen and banked. It will then be used to fertilize eggs bought from leading female athletes/tennis players etc.
  
  Before long the exciting future of our club will be on full view in a large St Marys laboratory displaying hundreds of test tubes each containing an embryonic cloned saints star.
  
  Of course sperm and eggs will be carefully matched to produce ideal players best equipped for various positions eg Jos Hooiveld/Fatima Whitbread for big strong centre backs (no doubt you can imagine your own ideal combinations).
  
  I've not yet had a reply from Nicola so he's obviously not back from his holiday yet.

  How about Peter Crouch with Janette Tough of the Krankies. This would give us a small midfield player with very long legs. He could run over the top of opponents without having to change his stride or move to the left or right of them. A huge advantage.
  
  Ronnie Corbett and Paula Radcliffe would give a similar result. Or any combination of those four people would give very interesting results. Male and female combinations that is.

  Nice idea - would also be unnervingly unpredictable. Suspect Nocola will be on to the Krankies' agent when he gets back.

  Would it be possible to cross Le God with Catherine Zeta-Jones? Or would there be a risk of creating a rather ugly boy who's carp at footy and whose sole contribution to the world is to look after the elderly whilst saying things like, 'there, there, Michael ma boya, gizza a liddle cwtch fer comfy sake; aw me Duw, you look well in that, inn'it?'
  
  Careful what you wish for!"
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