AND the results are in…Greg has a 30 percent increase in the size of his lung tumours, a few more appearing, some suspicious movement in the abdomen lymph nodes but no change in the bowel. On paper, this looks bad and while it’s definitely not good, it’s what to be expected after no active treatment for nearly six months.

I knew all of this was coming; it was obvious so I felt very calm when receiving the news. Normally, I am the one with notebook and pen in hand, harassing our oncologist Tim with question after question informed by Dr Google. This time, I stayed at home with Bay and her raging temperature waiting for a phone call from the hospital. My baby needed me but maybe there was part of me not ready to be back to that room yet, to sit with baited breath and hear the fate of your life in one sentence. I feel slightly angry with myself about this; the day after Greg was diagnosed, I sat in the hospital in tears and wrote a stream of consciousness that came from deep within me. The statement that I wrote again and again was ‘I will bear witness, I will not turn away when it gets hard’. It came from my heart but this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

When you witness something terrible in front of you, it’s a human instinct to turn away. In a broader sense, it can be easier to ignore something that will cause you unease, pain or something that makes you feel helpless. I have felt like this recently about the NHS, watching a ship of fools government trying to sink the boat and drown all that sail in her. Not being at the hospital weekly has helped me do this but now we are back in the thick of it, I won’t be able to turn away.

It has made me see why we have lost certain friends or family members have distanced themselves; sometimes it is excruciating to bear witness to something so harrowing. But please know it is THE singular most helpful, kind and appreciated act you can receive in hard times. Please know that it is enough to not turn away. Although if anyone has a cure for cancer knocking about, give me a call (anyone mentioning turmeric need not bother).

* Stacey Heale has left her career as a fashion lecturer to focus on her two lively little girls and husband, Delays frontman Greg Gilbert, who was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer in November 2016. She launched the viral campaign Give4Greg to raise funds for lifesaving treatment: gofundme.com/give4greg. You can read more at her blog, www.beneaththeweather.com