COLUMNIST and trained counsellor Fiona Caine answers another set of reader dilemmas.

NOTHING FEELS THE SAME AFTER MY HUSBAND’S AFFAIR Six months ago, I found out my husband had been having an affair. It was a great shock and I made him leave. Our children were deeply hurt. We stayed apart, although he did visit the children.

A couple of months ago, I let him come back after he had apologised and said he’d made a huge mistake. He also said he really did love me and that nothing like this would ever happen again. It was OK at first, but as time has gone by, I feel as though it’s just not working and it doesn’t feel the same. Everything between us feels contrived and forced, especially sex, which has become routine.

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I now worry that the only reason he came back was to be near the children. I also cannot shake the feeling that he is still seeing this other woman, even though he promised it’s over. I find myself checking his phone and tablet and get suspicious whenever he goes out.

I am tired, stressed and angry, and just don’t know what to do for the best. The children are happy that he’s back, but I am not, though I do still have feelings for him.

FIONA SAYS: You have every right to be confused, angry, resentful, and hurt. I don’t think it was a mistake for you to give him a second chance, you indicate that you still have feelings for him, and of course you have the children to consider. It was perhaps the logical thing to do, if you wanted to try and rescue your marriage.

What you probably didn’t appreciate at the time, was just how traumatic and damaging an affair can be. He hurt you and has badly undermined your self-confidence. So, it’s not surprising that you still have doubts - and your husband needs to understand that it falls to him to reassure you.

It’s time to start communicating, only then can you hope to avoid repeating mistakes of the past. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. You will almost certainly find it helpful to talk with a Relate counsellor.

Daily Echo:


When I first met my boyfriend, he was fun and caring. For the past few months though, things have been strained between us and we spend a lot of time arguing about nothing.

I no longer look forward to being with him and have suggested we should split up, but he says he loves me. The problem is, I’m now certain I don’t love him. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I really need to split up with him and don’t know how to.

FIONA SAYS: BE KIND BUT CLEAR If it’s over for you, then the relationship is over. There is not going to be an easy and painless way for you to make this split, especially as it seems he still has feelings for you. Nothing will be gained, though, by dragging out this relationship when you are clearly so unhappy.

Be direct with him and make it clear, gently, that you want the relationship to end. Stay calm and explain that you’re unable to return his feelings.

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