AGONY ADVICE: Help with your family dilemmas

HOW CAN I HELP MY DAUGHTER MAKE MORE FRIENDS?

I have two children. My son, who is nine, is into everything and has a lot of friends, but his sister who’s 10 has only one really good friend. Her ‘bestie’ is a great kid, but they are forever falling out.

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What worries me is what my daughter will do if this falling out ever becomes permanent. She doesn’t mix with other children at school and has no other friends outside of school. I wish I could get her to be more sociable. What should I do?

FIONA SAYS: SOME PEOPLE ARE LESS SOCIABLE THAN OTHERS

Having one ‘best friend’ at this age is not uncommon, and it’s also common for children to fall in and out of friendships. They soon make up and forget previous grievances. I would, therefore, avoid making this into too big an issue. If you do, you risk your daughter thinking she has a problem, which could trigger other problems later in life.

Better to encourage her into activities that give her as much exposure as possible to potential new friends, and which she also enjoys. In time, I am sure she will be fine.

If you feel a bit more guidance in dealing with this would be helpful, consider contacting Family Lives. This organisation offers advice and support to parents through a network of local support groups, and confidential help and chat lines.

I REALLY WANT A BABY

I have been married for a year and am desperate to start a family. My husband thinks we should wait. He says we are still relatively young so have plenty of time, as women can have babies well into their 40s. He also says we need to save and buy our own place, rather than continue to live with my parents.

My brain sees the sense of this, but my heart just can’t - I really want a baby. It’s not helped by the fact that my parents talk constantly about wanting grandchildren. I am also worried that we will never be able to afford to house, so why wait?

FIONA SAYS: HAVING YOUR OWN PLACE DOES MAKE SENSE

It’s understandable that your husband would want to be financially and physically independent of your parents before starting a family. I get many letters from struggling young parents, who cannot cope with the stress of starting a family before they are really ready. I know you don’t want to hear this, but the decision to start a family at any time must be a joint one, it’s the only fair solution.

If you force your husband into this before he’s ready, it will most likely cause resentment and might affect the long-term health of your marriage. Nor should you let the wishes of your parents have any influence on this.

I know it seems hard, but try to view this as a delay only.

Email Fiona by writing to help@askfiona.net for advice.