AS is traditional at this time of year, here are my predictions for 2008:
January
Billy Castle knocks in a first century against Alex Dunkley – but loses the match. Ollie Tydeman thanks Chandler’s Ford SC boss Jim Everett for all the hard work he puts in and for giving him the opportunity to play in all these fabulous competitions and, needing a top-quality table to practise on at home, makes Jim an offer he can’t refuse for table-3.
February
For the second year running, a young lad from the South coast wins the Pontin’s Prestatyn under-12 trophy. But my crystal ball has misted up and will not reveal the name. There is an excited buzz as news reaches the crowd of boys and girls, who have been waiting outside the holiday camp gates since the early hours, that John Smith’s badger-strewn car has been sighted turning off the A547.
March
Lee Ashbolt wins the Under-21 Roll-Up and puts the £200 prize behind the bar to buy the lads a drink. Scott McGaw interrupts his tour of Far East snooker clubs and makes a minor diversion from Beijing to give the champion a lift home.
April
Daniel Woods wins the Eastleigh & District Under-18 League and Shane Castle jets out to Australia to appear in ‘I’m a celebrity – get me out of here’.
May
England international and world number five Suzie Opacic reflects back on the century break that ended Reanne Evans’ unbeaten run in the WLBSA world championships and disappears into the sunset with her fiancé and 147 hero Lee Roling.
June
Glenn Shefford scores a 53 as the lads amass a record 15 breaks of more than 50 in one Under-21 Roll-Up tournament. Song and dance duo Jason Hildyard and Arron McIntyre are mobbed by groupies on their UK sell-out tour following their number one hit with a cover version of Robson & Jerome’s ‘I believe’.
July
Jack Hyom’s first 50 is captured by ‘Happy Snapper’ Kevin Legg. But after being run through Photoshop, the picture turns into an image of George Bush meeting injured troops in Afghanistan and makes the cover of Time magazine.
August
Dan Hildyard wins his fourth Under-21 Roll-Up title and Lee Roling wins the £1,000 in the year-long Senior Roll-Up. Jordan Winbourne insists that he never really liked snooker and only wanted to be a singer after running away from home to join boy-band Hildyard & McIntyre on their US tour.
September
Kevin Impett chalks up a first 50 to clinch the Eastleigh & District Under-18 League. Josh Baird makes a pilgrimage to his spiritual home – Essex – but turns down the chance to become the fourth member of HM&W to concentrate on a modelling career for Burberry.
October
Craig Wilson knocks in a 100 on the ‘Line-Up’ and Jordan Sainsbury signs for Southampton Premier league outfit Churchills’. Tracey, Ange, Paula, Sandy and Debbie team up as Spice Girls 2 and win the fifth series of The X Factor with a haunting rendition of Viva Forever. The band’s manager ex-Saints hard-man Ken Jones is seen with a tear in his eye.
November
Alex Dunkley scores his 50th competitive century. On a roll after one of his football bets comes in, the UN’s new spokesman Dave Mumford makes an off-the-cuff unscripted hour-long international TV appeal and warring factions from around the globe lay down their arms and world peace is declared. Eat your heart out John Lennon, Mother Theresa and Henry Kissinger.
December
Peter Maraziotis misses a first Under-21 Roll-Up title by one point and I’m afraid I’ve run out of room so ‘Ginger Ninja’ Will Baird’s first competitive 50 will have to wait another year.
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