THE most fundamental element of being someone’s friend is that you like them – isn’t it?

Apparently not, if my male friends are anything to go by.

Recently one of them, Martin, was bemoaning the fact that he was going out for dinner with an old ‘friend’ whose company he doesn’t actually seem to enjoy.

As Martin seems to find the bloke in question pretty irritating the closest I could get to an explanation for why he was seeing him was that he’d known him for a long time and didn’t want to have to say ‘no’.

And Martin isn’t the only one. I know a number of men who don’t seem particularly fond of some of blokes they choose to spend time with.

I have to admit I had pseudo friends at school that I didn’t really like, but that’s classroom dynamics. Nowadays I think my time is much too precious to waste it on unfulfilling relationships.

I suppose a big difference between me and Martin in terms of our friendships is what we want from them. If you’re looking for someone to have a few pints and a conversation about football with, it probably doesn’t matter if the person you’re spending your time with is a kindred spirit.

If, however, you want to talk about some important aspect of your life and feelings, thinking that the person you’re talking to is a bit of an idiot and that therefore their opinions are irrelevant means you’re onto a bit of a loser.

My friend May (who I DO like!) thinks this difference is key in how the sexes pick their friends. She says: “I think that men, generally speaking, have a quite different view of the requirements for friendship than women do. My idea of a friend is someone with whom I can have lengthy chats about anything and everything and whom I know will listen and give me her take on the subject in hand. Because talking with other women is an important feature of female life, I think we tend to choose our close friends with great care as we need them to be soulmates and trustworthy. My experience of men is that they tend to have a much looser definition of the term friendship. My partner, who may well be a one off, doesn’t seem to have any need for friends at all and the two or three men that he counts as mates are men with a similar sense of humour with whom he can exchange quips.”

To give Martin his dues, he does have plenty of friends who don’t wind him up and I guess if he likes meeting up every now and then with someone he classes as a friend, even if it doesn’t fit my definition of the term, he should carry on doing it.

But as I see little point in hanging round with someone you don’t like, I won’t be joining them!