1. WHAT do you get when you put a cow on a trampoline? A milk shake

2. What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes.

3. What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden? He likes to hoe, hoe, hoe.

4. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy

5. Santa, one of the reindeer swallowed my pencil What should I do? Use a pen!

6. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsilitis

7. What's red, sits in a corner and sulks? A naughty bus.

8. Why do birds fly south for the winter? Because it's too far to walk.

9. What do you call an elephant wearing pink earmuffs and a dress? Anything you want, it can't hear you.

10. What's grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow? An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth

11. Why did the thief take a bath? So he could get clean away.

12. Why are policemen strong? Because they can hold up traffic

13. Which month has 28 days? They all have

14. What's the best way to communicate with a fish? Drop it a line

15. What did the letter say to the stamp? Stick with me and we will go places

16. What's a good way of putting on weight? Eat a peach, swallow the centre and you've gained a stone.

17. Aunt: Dick why are you scratching yourself? Dick: No one else knows where I itch

18. Why did the teacher wear dark glasses? Because the classes were so bright.

19. How many children were in Enid Blyton's Famous Five? Four -one was a dog.

20. Teacher: Where are the Andes? Pupil: At the end of my armies

21. What did the barman say when the ghost asked for a drink? We don't serve spirits.

22. Where do gnomes live? Gnome Sweet Gnome

23. 'Mum. can I have 50p for being good?' 'All right, but I wish you could be good-for-nothing'

24. Where does a goose come from? A Gooseberry bush

25. How do you make a sandwich spread? By sitting on it

26. Why is it difficult to keep a secret on the North Pole? Because your teeth chatter

27. Pupil: Teacher would you punish a student for something he didn't do? Teacher: Of course not. Pupil: Good, because I didn't do my homework.

28. Did you hear about the chicken who wanted to take dancing lessons? She wanted to be a hentertainer

29. Quizmaster: Why are cows kept in a pasture? Contestant: So they will give pasteurised milk

30. Did the medicine I gave your Uncle straighten him out? It sure did. They buried him today.

31. What did one street say to the other? Run along and I'll meet you at the corner.

32. How do you like my new sculpture? It's marbleous

33. How did the burglar enter the house? Intruder window

34. I call my dog Camera because he's always snapping

35. What do monsters eat for breakfast? Dreaded wheat

36. What close relatives do boy robots have? Tran-sistors

37. Waiter, there's no chicken in the chicken soup. And you won't find any horse in the horseradish, either.

38. Are these eggs fresh? Fresh? Why, the chickens haven't missed them yet.