An underwater Action Man

There he was, kitted up, ready to help the British government out of a political spot .With his gripping hands, he placed mines against the destroyer's hull as sharks swam by, time was against him, his

mission was in jeopardy.

'Paul!! Come on you will shrivel up like a prune.' Damn!! Bath-time was over, eagle-eye Action Man would have to wait another day to save the world, but I swore one day I'd be like him.

Twenty years on at the tender age of 31 my chance had come, a group of journalists had been invited to Malta to learn how to dive. Trouble is, over the years my attempts at swimming are similar to what the Hindinburg was to airship travel.

Still, rubber ring in hand I set off for the three-hour British Airways flight to Malta. The island is becoming a mecca for divers as excellent visablity, lack of currents and year-round warmth make the waters very appealing.

We were signed up for the PADI four-day intensive course.

Kitted up with what can only be described as having an elephant on my back, I nervously perched on the side of Aqua Ventures indoor pool. Gathered in a small circle, Ian Pitchfork, the man who was to teach us how to swim like fish, gave the signal to go down. Sitting on the bottom of the pool taking our first breath underwater, we looked at each other in the style of contestents of Japanese game show Endurance, waiting for the first person to bottle it and surface.

Having built-up confidence breathing underwater, the next five pool sessions teach you the skills to dive and what to do in emergency situations. This is split into classroom lessons in the morning and pool sessions in the afternoon.

After a full day's training Malta offers a relaxing night out. The food on the island is excellent and, of course, seafood plays a major part (but don't tell the divers). St Paul's Bay is the perfect setting for a romantic meal overlooking traditional fishing boats floating in the reflective moonlit water. Restaurants I can recommend are Veccja and Gillieru and you must try the Maltese red wine and spicy traditional sausages.

Malta's history is rich and colourful. A must is to vist St Elmo's Bastion in Valleta, where a big screen audio visual show, The Malta Experience. This will take you from the island's birth through Megalithic and Bronze age times on to the occupation of the Romans and the Knights of St John through World War Two and into the future.

The ancient capital of Mdina is steeped in history dating back some 4,000 years. In 870AD the city was given a moat and was surrounded by huge walls and bastions. At night, the narrow walkways between buildings take on a sandy-coloured glow transporting you back in time. And gents, if the bubbles from the day's diving go to your head, the Mdina Restaurant would be the perfect place to pop the question to the mermaid you found earlier. The building is an open-air oasis dating back to the 14th

century.

The pool training completed and multi-choice exam passed, it was time to be let loose in the open sea. Four dives stood between me and the title of Open Water Diver. Even with the training, as we kitted up the fear of the unknown still showed on our faces. Walking up the shallows of the rocky foreshore small fish darted between my legs. Mask on, regulator in, BCD inflated (a jacket worn which aids the diver's position in the water) I lay down and begin to kick.

The skill of diving is to obtain perfect buoyancy - basically allowing you to float weightlessly - controlling your depth by your breathing. When you breath out you go down, when you breath in you go up. As the experienced divers disappeared into the abyss under perfect control, we were going up and down like the price of petrol. All this with the pain of your ear drums bending under water pressure.

Having gained control we dived down to 20ft and swam over a 116ft drop. This is a bit like hovering just over a cliff edge with no strings attached and nothing to hold onto. First reaction is to grab the buoyancy inflater for added comfort just to make sure you are not about to disappear into the dark blue unknown blowing your ears from their intended place.

After a lunch break the diving bug had bitten and we were champing at the bit to get under the water again. Well, that was until we discovered that the next dive site was Shark Reef. Having failed to convince our instructor that our sick notes were genuine, we kitted up and boarded a speed boat. We whisked out to a location a mile-or-so off- shore. It was time to live my Action Man dream and in true James Bond-style we entered the water in a backward roll two at a time.

During a 45-minute dive at a depth of 33ft it was time to practice the skills learnt in the pool. One being mask removal - removing your mask underwater then replacing it and blowing out the water. Breathing under the water without a mask is a real mind-over-matter experience as your nose is left unprotected and water just wants to seep in.

After an amazing day's diving it was back to the classroom where we were told that we had passed the course. We had joined a new clan - we were now open water divers.

Was it all worth it? Yes I'm completely hooked and I am going back for more. I'm certainly no Action Man, but I feel that from someone who could hardly swim a length I've earned the right to put a plastic bowl over my head and wear dodgy ill fitting uniforms and drive a car with a sticker in saying Divers Do It...