I'VE just had my photo taken. Well, more than one photo actually. You see, I've decided I should try internet dating. Yes, I do feel a bit disloyal to "him", but it won't do to put all of my eggs in one basket will it?

Having found a website, it now seems that potential suitors might want to know what I look like. I suspect once they've seen me they will wish they hadn't, but I'm told that leaving the photo off and writing "Pick me, I'm lovely" isn't a guaranteed way of attracting attention.

I start by dressing up in my latest trendy outfit. I even put on new shoes and muck about with my hair.

Hmmm, what next?

This should be easy, I can do this by taking my own picture in the mirror. I just need to stand like this and stretch up there and click click click. I hold the camera every possible angle, but somehow you can still tell that I'm standing in the bathroom on my own making faces. Ghastly. Of course it can't be me - the mirror must be faulty.

Perhaps I need the help of a sympathetic friend.

A phone call or two later and a friend arrives. She then spends the next two hours barking instructions at me. "Stand like that" "put your arm down" "put your arm up" "nooo... don't look posed". This goes on and on and eventually I just keep being told "Don't make that stupid face. No, not that one either."

What stupid face? I'm just standing here trying to look, well, normal I guess.

That's it; We call a halt to the proceedings. Everywhere I look there are little red dots burnt into my eyes from the flash, and I feel exhausted from all the pouting.

There are ninety two pictures on the camera. Surely one of them must make me look half human. Ok, lets throw away the blurred ones where the photographer laughed at me so the camera shook. Hmm what have we got left?

Ewwww, scary eyes; Nope, I've gone all blue from holding my breath; What is my hand doing? Naaah, don't like that one, I'm all scrunched up. Nor that one, arrrrgghggh.

Just one photo, it isn't much to ask.

Oh dear. Perhaps I should just draw a picture instead. Something thin and stick like. In pencil.

GGMM