DO you think it is time to know a little bit more about me?

Well, tough - I m gonna tell you anyway. I shall tell you about me and my music. I'm usually pretty modest, but I think it is fair to say that I'm blessed with a unique musical ability.

I started my journey of talent as a child when I learnt to play the piano.

After a while my natural gifts were too much for my teacher and she begged me to stop. When I didn't stop, she retired. And moved to Australia.

Encouraged by the impact of my raw talent, I wowed my family by going on to give virtuoso performances on tambourine. Nothing could stop me when I discovered that I could also sing like an angel.

I never looked back, vocal performances were the path for me and to this day my flawless voice entrances everyone who hears it.

I'm not exaggerating; I'm a fantastic singer. You should see the looks I get when I'm singing. People's mouths gape open; I often sing along to my iPod when I walk down the street. I can tell they are impressed. They tend to stand still to listen and they point me out to their friends.

I've learnt from years of experience that the trick is in the volume. If you really belt out the song, then somehow the actual notes don't matter quite so much.

And everyone knows that the lyrics are just a guideline - you can dip in and out of them as takes your fancy. Any gaps can be filled with woooooo wahhhh yeahhhhhhhh yeeewwww yahh.

I don't find myself in church very often (especially since that court order), but when I do, I find my unique rendition of the classic hymns causes others to cease their screeching so they can enjoy my soaring tones.

At the Harvest Festival people were moved to tears and even the organist ground to a halt.

In fact, I'm singing as I write this. I have such a cool CD on reaaaally loud. Oooo ahhhh. Yeahhhh baybeee But you know the very best place to sing? An intimate venue with fantastic acoustics. My car.

So if you are very lucky, next time you are stuck in traffic the person wailing in the car next to you will be me. Wind your windows down for the best effect.

GGMM P.S. Why don't you sing on your next journey into work or town. Share the pleasure with those around you on the bus. Or make everyone at the traffic lights stare. Go on, I dare you!

P.P.S. Sometimes I dance too.