I’ve got a funny accent; can I be given special recognition please?

When I say funny accent, I mean compared to the rest of you, unless you happen to hail like me from the Black Country.

Not just me, you understand; I’d like National Minority Status to be given to anyone who comes from the Fatherland that is the region within the hallowed Dudley, Wolverhampton and Stourbridge Triangle.

It’s only a matter of time before our demands are met for nationhood; after all we tick all of the necessary boxes.

We have a distinct culture – no one else eats faggots and peas and flat caps have never gone out of fashion..

Our own language – and bostin it is me chap.

And have our own historical identity – just visit the Black Country Museum and try your hand at nail-making and canal tunnel walking if you have any doubts.

Yes the nation of Le Pay Noir, as the Norman builders of Dudley Castle no doubt referred to us when they nicked our pork scratching industry and forced us to become a suburb of Birmingham, will rise again.

I think the timing is right, coming as it does just as Scotland prepares to re-gain independence after 300-years, and yesterday’s news that Cornwall is no longer English but a separate people recognised in law. If that latter move came as a bit of s surprise to the rest of us in England who have always thought nipping down to Newquay as a stay-cation, just think how it must have startled most of the Cornish themselves. One moment they have a team in the World Cup and the next they can submit their own first eleven from Tintagel .

What’s good enough for the land of pixies and pasties is good enough for those of us raised on Grorty Dick Pudding.

And I’m not selfish. I won’t stand in the way of other suppressed nations in these isles having their individuality recognised again. Arise then the kingdoms of Northumbria, Mercia (of which the Black Country is now to become an independent princedom) and, more pertinent for you, Dear Reader, the ancient land of Wessex.

Surely if Cornwall can have special status then Wessex has just a strong a claim, not to mention Yorkshire and other bits up north where few can deny they speak a strange language all of their own.

Time then for us all to go it alone. Raise the flags and demand seats in the United Nations.

Let’s face it, at least we can expect a lot more votes for each other in the Eurovision Song Contest .

Yes, a world full of lots and lots of peoples all thinking they are distinct and different to the neighbours they have lived peacefully beside for many years because they speak a different language. What could possibly go wrong?

How is the Scottish debate going bytheway. And any news from Ukraine?