THE cry went out: “We must endeavour to make our OAPs live longer”. Give them cold weather payments, free bus passes, liveable pensions, up to 24 drugs a day, free loft insu-lation and no one would die a natural death.

Her majesty would be forced to bulk buy ton-up cards from China and be treated for writer’s cramp and by 2020 we would have the oldest population in the western world.

Then, oh. Call a cabinet meeting. Have you seen the cost of the NHS, free prescriptions, social services, nursing homes, wheelchairs, consultation fees, zimmer frames, etc. What can we do?

Increase VAT to 20%. Cut the bus services, reduce disability allowance, bring in bedroom tax, buy some duff flu vaccine (52% effective), stop gritting footpaths in cold weather, get councils to withdraw subsidies to gardening trusts who garden for the less well off OAPs.

But what about the election? What about our shares and dividends in pharmaceuticals, nursing homes, disability transport?

Oh well, stiff upper lip.

JOHN ALEXANDER, New Milton