COLUMNIST and trained counsellor Fiona Caine answers another set of reader dilemmas.

MY SON’S BLAMING ME FOR MARRIAGE PROBLEMS

My son and daughter-in-law, with whom I’ve always been really close, got into problems with their marriage.

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They would both talk to me. I would try to encourage them to talk to one another, but it seems they were never able to.

The tension between them was awful and I could see it was having an effect on my grandson. So, thinking I was doing the right thing, I said they ought to come to a decision about the future, for his sake.

That seemed to precipitate a terrible row. My daughter-in-law moved out, taking my grandson with her and I haven’t seen them since. My son blames me.

I was only trying to help my grandson, but it’s been two months now and she won’t even let me see him.

FIONA SAYS: THEY NEED TO COMMUNICATE WITH EACH OTHER

How very sad that, rather than trying to sort out their problems, they seem to be shifting the blame on to you. Trying to remain neutral is always difficult, and sometimes backfires.

They were in trouble and that was upsetting their son. What you said is what any caring grandmother would have said. They are very upset about the way things have turned out for their marriage, which indicates that they still care. If that’s the case, maybe counselling could see them reconciled.

Could you write to them both explaining that all you wanted was your grandson to be protected from their difficulties? Tell them both how unhappy you are about things and how much you hope to be able to see them again.

HUSBAND WON’T SEEK HELP FOR HIS BAD BACK

My husband has had back problems for years. Most of the time, it’s a background pain. There are times, though, when he has crippling pain and is unable to move for days, leaving me to pick up the slack of his business and look after him. Over the past year, the number of times this has happened has increased significantly - yet he will still not see a doctor.

Daily Echo:

I have tried so many times to get him to seek help, but he just shrugs it off. He has private health cover.

I am finding it increasingly hard to be sympathetic and do the things he needs me to do. I struggle to move him around and it's affecting our marriage.

FIONA SAYS: HELP IS OUT THERE

I suspect he’s afraid of finding out that something is seriously wrong, and is prepared to put up with long-term pain instead. Back pain is one of the most common conditions and the sad thing is, it will typically only get worse the longer it is left untreated.

If he remains reluctant to seek help for his own sake, could you persuade him to do it for you?

Alternatively, if it is doctors that he is averse to, might he see a physiotherapist or osteopath? He won’t need a GP referral and his private health insurance might cover it.

Email help@askfiona.net for advice.