THERE is a kind of woman who I can immediately tell is a boat person.
They are devastatingly attractive, well-turned out, usually slightly sun-kissed and there is also something indefinable I can’t quite put my finger on.
Just this week my gift kicked in again when I met a bevy of beauties and immediately identified them as yachty hotties.
On this occasion I cannot take all the credit as we were on a marina, talking about sailing and at least one was carrying a remote control boat.
I have met a few ladies of the sea in my time and it always amazes me how they can be winching in a line or carrying a canoe but still look like they have just stepped out of a salon.
I am sure these women are the direct descendants of mermaids.
However, I always feel like a fraud because despite always having lived near the sea all my life I know nothing about sailing.
I used to go on my friend’s yacht a lot when younger but he was a highly decorated boating type and we were always joined by several people more helpful than me.
This meant my main role was to sit on the deck drinking beer and eating sugar cubes.
It is a shame I never picked up these skills as the girls I knew from college always seemed partially seduced by my reflected glamourous lifestyle.
I explained to him his job was to own and operate a yacht I was there in more of a meet and greet capacity.
He seemed dubious about my version of our seafaring relationship as I grabbed another handful of sugar cubes.
Years later I started spending a lot a time with a lady sailor.
I remember she casually mentioned her and some hippy friends occasionally moored up at a naturist resort for a couple of days.
I think she immediately realised it was a mistake to tell this to a single man.
There was an awkward silence and I knew I had to say something before she realised my brain was frantically creating an image of her and her friends laughing girlishly and splashing each other in the sea.
Sadly the conversation ended with her laughing and saying: “What kind of morally bankrupt person would lie about being a naturist?”