STRAIGHT after a roast dinner with the parents, it wasn’t the typical way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

Fifty Shades of Grey dominated cinemas at the weekend earning an estimated $81.7 million since its release on Friday making it the most successful 18-certificate film ever in the UK and Ireland – and I wasn’t going to miss out.

Not put off by the shockingly bad reviews, I was unashamedly among the thousands of people who made their excuses and left Sunday roast early, eager to get a first glimpse of the most anticipated film in years.

I had high hopes. Along with 100 million other people, my pulse was sent racing by the ridiculously successful naughty book series responsible for revamping the country’s sex lives from routine to risqué.

For anyone who isn’t familiar, it’s all about how confident billionaire Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) introduces sexually inexperienced Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) into his kinky world of S&M and there is barely a page without a steamy session.

Of course, I wasn’t quite sure how they could get away with screening that much sex in an 18-rated film.

It turns out inside screen 11 of Southampton’s Odeon cinema there was just 11 minutes of sex in the entire 125 minute film.

I wasn’t the only one disappointed it wasn’t quite as dirty as advertised.

For two men sat in front of me, it wasn’t the whips, blindfolds, handcuffs and spanking scenes in the Red Room of Pain, or the boob shots or lip-biting close ups of Anastasia that were the turn on. Instead the highlight was the range of Audi cars that filled the garage of Christian’s lavish apartment, yes eyes did roll throughout at the numerous product placements.

Bizarrely, the two guys started taking photos of the screen midway through with their mobile phones – once when Christian speeds out of Seattle in his fanciest car and again when the couple were soaring through the cityscape in an expensive looking aircraft.

Undoubtedly, like me, the audience was growing a tad restless when after 40 minutes in, there was a lot of intensely flirtatious talk about the famous sex contract Christian is desperate for Anastasia to sign but still no action (one woman in the back row fell asleep despite nudges from her girlfriend.) But when it got going, it did make up for it.

The audience made up of mostly raucous groups of girlfriends and a few couples sat towards the back rows joined in for collective giggles like when the billionaire reached for implements like a riding crop and a peacock feather from his Red Room of Pain exclaiming ‘I don’t do romance.’ And there was screeching I’ve only ever witnessed in screenings of Sex in the City and Mamma Mia such as the first time the control freak drops his trousers and when, during a business meeting in Christian’s offices when Ana bargains on some extremely explicit particulars in the sex contract.

Despite one steamy session being interrupted before it gets going – by his mother, there are several highly charged scenes involving ice cubes, blind folds and adult toys.

The inconclusive and quite awkwardly violent ending for most was a disappointment and did seem to cause confusion and a fair bit of grumbling at the end with ‘what was all that about?’ being heard across the room, but then for those of us who had read the trilogy of books, it was to be expected.

Love it or hate it, it looks like there will be another – and judging from a quick poll in the office canteen where, let’s face it, it’s what everyone is talking about this week, most people are already looking forward to it.