'My little angel had drowned' - parents' agony after pulling back cover of pool

Two cocker spaniels dash around greeting the children in the lounge, where, on every wall there are photos of beaming faces.

At first glance, no visitor could imagine the incalculable loss this family has had to bear.

It was July 30, 2008, when Carolyn, her then seven-year-old twin girls, Chloe and Elissa, and toddler, Jessica, went to see a friend working as a nanny at a house in Buckinghamshire and spent the day playing in the swimming pool.

“Little did Paul and I know that by the end of the day the life that we loved, the life that made us happy and secure, would disappear forever. 

"It tears you apart and haunts you forever," says Carolyn, fighting back tears. 

Carolyn was tidying up when scenes that are beyond every parent’s worst nightmare were played out. Jessica was missing.

“In the blink of an eye she was gone. Frantically we searched the house and garden calling for her, expecting to find her up to her usual mischief.

“My heart was racing and panic was beginning to set in,” explains Carolyn.

“Then my worst fears were confirmed as I pulled back the cover of the pool. Jessica, my little angel had drowned. She was 21 months old.

“I jumped in and pulled her out. I laid her down on the side and we tried desperately to bring her back.”

Carolyn wishes that she didn’t remember every horrific second that day, but the reality is it is as clear as yesterday. Jessica, unresponsive, was rushed to hospital where medics fought to revive her.

Amid the terror, Paul, a delivery driver, had by chance phoned Carolyn’s mobile, which was picked up by his seven-year-old daughter, telling him that Jessica had fallen in the pool and Mummy “could not wake her” before he heard Carolyn's screams. 

“My boss drove me to the hospital,” he says. “I had this vision in my head of running through the hospital, kicking the doors down. When I pulled up at the hospital though, my legs gave way completely. I couldn’t walk.

“Carolyn said to me: ‘I know it’s my fault. I’m really sorry.’ I told her we are not going to do that at all and we haven’t. That was that.”

Jessica, who died aged 21 months 

Carolyn, soaked from diving into the pool in a bid to rescue her baby, had been taken in to see her daughter in resuscitation and could do nothing but break down in tears, hold her foot and whisper ‘I’m sorry’ before returning to the waiting room.

After what felt like hours, the doctor came in and shook his head.

The couple were led through to see their daughter, who just hours earlier Carolyn recalls was picking flowers in the garden and holding the petals to her nose. 

Paul, says: “Your world falls apart. The doctor lifted Jessica and her head fell back. With that, my legs gave way again. I was in complete bits because you know that’s it.”

Hundreds of people attended Jessica’s funeral but for Carolyn and Paul it was a blur.

Carolyn, a dinner lady, explains: “We were in total shock. I went to see her every day before the funeral to hold her. On the morning, I did her hair like I normally would and I put her in her coffin. It is a mother’s instinct to make sure your baby is tucked up even though it pained me to know that would be the last time I would see my angel.

"The next minute the tiny coffin was put into a hearse and we were driving behind it in total disbelief."

For months getting through each day was a struggle for the family.

Each year more than 2,000 young people aged one to 19 die as a result of illness or accident, according to charity Child Bereavement UK, who supported Carolyn and Paul in their darkest days.

Carolyn, explains: “We do not feel time is a healer. We will never accept the reality of the fact that we will not be able to see, touch, or hear Jessica ever again.

“Every day is a marathon – the loneliness, the emptiness, the silence.”

The couple were determined to stay united and fill just a small part of the emptiness the family suffered.

They got pregnant with their fourth daughter together, Millie, who was born in 2009.

Paul, 48, says: “Losing a child is a physical hurting pain that gets you again and again. I remember phoning my best friend and saying: 'the pain, I cannot take this pain.' 

"Carolyn and I have always had a strong marriage. We were tight before and it made us tighter.

“I remember one friend hugging me and crying saying he would go back home and kiss his children and not take anything for granted. If I didn’t have my family, I wouldn’t make it.”

The couple moved to Locks Heath to be closer to Carolyn’s parents.

At home today, Millie, five, plays with her toys and the twins, now 14, have been out delivering leaflets.

Each year the family, now ambassadors for Child Bereavement UK, have hosted events to raise £50,000 for the charity. They will remember Jessica’s life this Saturday by hosting a fundraising family fun day in Southampton.

The couple have always been honest with their children and regularly talk about Jessica to ensure she is never forgotten.

Upstairs trunks are filled with her favourite toys, clothes and blankets. And to make sure Jessica was always nearby they put her ashes in a teddy bear with wings that rests between Paul and Carolyn’s pillow.

Carolyn, 42, says: “Jessica had some sort of aura. Nobody would walk past her without saying how beautiful she was. We miss her with every heartbeat.”

*The family fun day featuring a velcro wall, rodeo bull, bouncy castle, face painting, and sumo suits is on Saturday from 12pm until 5pm at UPS, Millbrook Trading Estate, Southampton.

*Child Bereavement UK provides confidential support to anyone affected by the death of a child or caring for a bereaved child. Call 01494 568900 or go to childbereavementuk.org