One thing I have recently noticed is how I am surrounded by people physically and digitally but none of those people are school mums. Dali goes to preschool for two days a week and has done for 18 months. This correlates almost exactly with Greg’s illness, so she has been shuttled back and forth by a variety of family members.

She often doesn’t know who will be picking her up and while she doesn’t mind this, I’ve realised that I do. When I have been at the school gates, I’ve noticed that everyone knows each other and I know barely anyone.

I don’t think this is the normal school gate paranoia; I just haven’t been there to make friends like everyone else. I have never been to any of the parents evenings or the events to help out in class. I know that this situation may have been exactly the same if I was back at work as a university lecturer but there is a sadness I feel for both Dali and myself. There are fleeting moments where I desperately wish things were different; this wasn’t how I envisioned her childhood or how I saw my time as a mother of young children.

John Lennon said life is what happens when you are busy making other plans and he couldn’t be more right (Greg will be thrilled that I have quoted one of the Beatles!)

This week, I had the chance to spend the day with Dali at school and I seized it with both hands. Even though I spend so much time with her, I was enthralled to see her in a different environment; there were parts of her personality that I had never seen before. My girl was so happy to be there, hold hands with her friends and run around singing. I often worry that our lives are having a negative impact on her and I struggle with the balance of shielding her from the realities of cancer while letting her know what’s happening to Daddy.

My heart soared to see her being a child without any worry on her shoulders.

While I know we are in a fairly unique situation for people in our life stage, I am sure I’m not the only mum at the school gates feeling alone. I do think I might be the only one who can’t find matching shoes in the morning though…

* Stacey Heale has put her career as a fashion lecturer on hold to focus on her two lively little girls and fiancé, Delays frontman Greg Gilbert, who was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer in November 2016. She launched the viral campaign Give4Greg to raise funds for lifesaving treatment: gofundme. com/give4greg. You can read more at her blog beneaththeweather.com