COLUMNIST and trained counsellor Fiona Caine answers another set of reader dilemmas.

SHOULD I CONFESS I HAD AN AFFAIR?

I work as a writer, and I wrote a guide to having a successful affair. I didn’t write it to encourage people to have affairs - in fact I don’t want them to make my mistake.

I wrote it so that if people are being stupid enough to have an affair, it never ruins their life, because eventually everyone realises what a terrible mistake affairs are. I put my children, and my affair partner’s children at risk. I betrayed trust.

ALSO READ: Agony advice - is husband having an affair?

I therefore am asking you Fiona, should I confess? Should I go and apologise to the man’s wife? Should I tell my husband? Will this ever go some way to redemption of some kind?

I never meant to be a bad person; I lost passion and attention from my husband, and someone else offered it.

FIONA SAYS: WHAT’S YOUR REAL MOTIVE HERE?

You don’t say how long ago your affair was but, from the way you’re writing, I’m guessing it was a while ago. You have, apparently, ‘got away with it’ - without those most likely to be hurt by it finding out. Yet you are clearly struggling with the guilt you feel, and you are not enjoying feeling this way.

So, do you really think that telling this man’s wife and your husband will make them feel good? It might help you to feel better if you confess, but I suspect that it will make them feel a whole lot worse. If they know nothing about it, then aren’t they, perhaps, better off not knowing?

If you think your husband has suspicions about this (especially if he’s voiced them), then I agree that you should probably tell him. Then work at improving things in your marriage and rekindle the love you once had for each other.

MY BEAUTIFUL SON HAS TURNED INTO A DREADFUL TEEN

I have a 14-year-old son who is causing me some concern.

He has enormous feet and is always falling over things. He is covered in terrible spots. He’s moody and uncooperative. When I try to speak to him, all he does is grunt.

I’m not sure if he needs a doctor or a full-scale row!

FIONA SAYS: HE SOUNDS LIKE A NORMAL TEENAGER!

Although you think you are suffering, I’m sure he is feeling an awful lot worse. Your son sounds no better or no worse than any other teenager going through puberty.

It is only a phase though and will pass.

Send an email to our counsellor help@askfiona.net for help and advice.