Honour violence on the rise in Hampshire

A largely hidden problem, honour-based violence is very much a 21st century issue – and it’s happening here on our doorsteps in Hampshire, with 60 incidents recorded this year so far.

Natalie, in her early 30s and in hiding in Hampshire, tells SARAH JONES about her ongoing ordeal.

‘I GREW up as part of a big Middle Eastern family in a wonderful atmosphere. I felt very loved, was educated and went out to work when I was old enough to.

But things started to change five years ago when my family arranged my first marriage. From the night of our wedding, violence entered my life. It should have been the most fantastic day but it was a total nightmare.

He was violent and disrespectful towards me every single day after that, for the smallest of things. We lived in Hampshire and he wanted to know where I was at all times. If I so much as looked out the window and saw another man, it meant I was having a relationship with him.

After nine months I couldn’t take any more and decided to leave. It was a very, very hard thing to do and came as a big shock to everyone. In my culture, a divorced woman brings huge shame to her family. If her husband is violent, she should be patient and cope with it, but I was prepared to lose everything just to get away. I had to pay to get out of the marriage, returning my dowry and agreeing to seek no settlement money.

When I told them I wanted a divorce, my family became violent – both physically and emotionally – and my friends were no longer allowed to see me.

My family went to our community to seek help because they needed to keep their name clean. To try to reduce the shame, another marriage was organised for me very quickly to stabilise their honour.

But this time it wasn’t an arranged marriage: It was to be a forced one.

At our first meeting, my prospective new husband explained what he wanted from the relationship and how he would treat me: I was to be a slave. I would do all the cooking and cleaning and was never to open the door or answer the phone.

I found out that he had just been released from prison after serving a long sentence for trying to kill his first wife.

My community knew that but no one told me – I was bad and he was bad, so they wanted us together.

When I refused to marry him, that’s when the real violence started. He was very, very angry and threatened me.

When he left, my family got violent, too.

They tried to force me to marry him.

My prospective husband started to follow me when I left the house and I was under pressure from everywhere. I had shamed not only my own family and the family of my first husband (whom I had shamed by divorcing him), but now the man I wouldn’t marry and his family.

Every night I went to bed thinking I might not wake up. I thought they might get a knife and kill me in my sleep, but I had no one to turn to any more.

All the love my family had for me had turned into something very different. I knew I had to run away from the people who were supposed to love me and get help.

I went to another city but the police there didn’t understand what I was trying to tell them, so I came back and contacted Hampshire police. They did understand and arranged protection for me. That was about three years ago and they have been protecting me ever since.

Even though I escaped, my life is still hell. Whenever I walk down the street and hear someone speaking my language, I jump like a snake that has just been bitten.

In the past year I have changed my address four or five times and I have changed my appearance. I am so scared that I will never speak my language again for fear of being identified.

I know my family are looking for me and if they find me I know I definitely will be killed, but I am in a relationship with somebody now from a totally different community who doesn’t speak my language.

It took a lot of courage and we haven’t been together long, but I am trying to find happiness.

I want to help other people who are in the same position as I was. They should never give up. Just go in the right direction – don’t go to faith leaders, family or friends – go to the police. They are here to help them.

*Name changed to protect her identity.

‘People’s lives are at stake if we don’t get this right’

FEMALE genital mutilation, children disappearing from our schools never to be seen again and forced marriages are not problems you might normally associate with Hampshire.

But with more than one incident of honour-based violence currently being reported in the county every week, it is an issue that Hampshire police are determined to tackle.

With the world’s first Forced Marriage Act due to become law next Tuesday, the force launched an action group to tackle the brutal practices yesterday.

“This may sound a little bit dramatic but people’s lives are at stake if we don’t get this right,”

Assistant Chief Constable Steph Morgan said at the briefing at Hampshire police’s Netley headquarters.

Declaring that “there is no honour in violence”, the leading police officer added: “There is hardly a hospital in Hampshire or the Isle of Wight which has not come across female genital mutilation.”

Fifteen per cent of the 60 cases of honour-based violence reported in the county so far this year involve child protection issues.

“Children are disappearing from our education system during the summer holidays never to return again,” said ACC Morgan.

“Many of them have been removed from the country to enter into a forced marriage situation”.

In a multi-agency approach, Hampshire police is working with a variety of key organisations to form Hampshire’s new Honour Based Violence Strategic Action Group – the first of its kind in the country.

Its aims include to increase victim confidence, prevent honourbased violence wherever possible and to work towards a zero tolerance approach.

“It’s a little bit like where we were with domestic violence about ten years ago,” said ACC Morgan. “It was largely a hidden problem which went on behind closed doors and was a matter for the family. We are having to play catch-up.”

Nazir Afzal, the Crown Prosecution Service’s lead for honour-based crimes, told the briefing: “It’s an issue that has been going on for thousands of women in this country, and dozens of them here in Hampshire and the Isle of Wight are being harmed every year by the people that claim to love them the most – their families and their communities.”

Around 12 women are killed in this country every year as a result of honour-based violence.

There are thought to be an additional 1,000 forced marriages, and daily rapes, suicides and child protection issues.

● If you are a victim of honour based violence and want help, contact 0845 045 4545.