WELL I’m pleased to report the wedding passed off without any unseemly scenes – but only just. Regular readers will know that Ben had the ‘honour’ of being a page boy at my brother-in-law’s wedding.

Lovely idea but I did have major reservations about his ability to stand and then sit on demand for any length of time with prayers and hymns involved.

First off I chronically underestimated how long it would take to get him even in his wedding attire.

Bearing in mind I was also a bridesmaid so had my own public image issues. So I thought I would leave little man’s outfit to the last minute to avoid any soiling/ripping/tearing of the pristine grey suit before anyone had a chance to see it. The suit however, was not the only hurdle. The garb for the nuptials also included a waistcoat, full length sleeved shirt and a cravat.

After thirty minutes of persuasion saw little more accomplished than a nappy and the shirt, I was starting to sweat – not a good look. I must have gone through the whole range of every bribe from cookies to raisins, tractors to a small minute Thomas the Tank I was saving for the reception. I sang songs I danced a little in order to catch him unawares with the cravat over his head and looped up before he could say hokey-cokey.

When we eventually got to the church – remarkably with the suit still on things were going well, until he spotted his dad (the best man) and understandably he wanted to run into his arms and blow a raspberry at him.

That would be fine in any other circumstance but with his dad at the altar looking nervous as it was with the responsibility of the rings and the speech to come, Ben mowing down the bride in order to get his cuddle was not going to happen. This predictably did not go down well. I eventually manhandled him into the chair before the flag went up to strategically placed relatives for the aforementioned sweets and biscuits.

When in doubt – get the biscuits out is a mantra I often turn to in public times of crisis. The shortbread did have the required effect and the rest of the service was a dream, at one stage he did look like he was at the cinema tucking into a pot of Cherios at an alarming rate. His generosity also proved a little embarrassing as he tried to hand out raisins during the Lord’s Prayer but apart from that all went swimmingly. Five minutes later we were out of the church and I felt like a weight had been lifted off. From then on I cared not what sort of state he ended up in – my work was done and with that in mind I headed for a well-earned glass of fizz.