Sherry and Mince Pies

SANTA emerged from the chimney and his eyes lit up as he spotted the glass of sherry and the plate of mince pies set out on the hearth.

"How kind," he thought. "Oh and some carrots too. The reindeer will enjoy those."

As he looked around he suddenly realised he was not alone. Sitting in an armchair was a very startled woman.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you, my dear." he said, smiling at her. "You're Sally, aren't you?"

"Never mind who I am," she replied, trying to sound as brave as possible. "Who are you?"

Santa flopped down into the other armchair and started to stroke his beard gently.

"Well, let me see," he said in a mock-serious voice. "It's Christmas Eve, and an old man with a white beard and red outfit comes down the chimney. Bit of a giveaway, don't you think?"

"Don't try and tell me you're Father Christmas," she retorted. "There's no such person."

"Oh, really. No such person. So who are the sherry and mince pies for?" asked Santa.

Sally smiled. "That's just a Christmas tradition. We've always done it. We do it for the kids really."

"I see. Partial to a drop of sherry, are they?"

"They're not," said Sally, grinning. "But I am."

"Me too," said Santa. "and so if I may, I'll join you in a glass. And these mince pies look good enough to eat, too." he added, reaching forward to take one.

A glass of sherry and a mince pie later, Sally had recovered her composure a little. Turning her head on one side slightly, she looked at Santa.

"Do you really go all round the world delivering presents to every house on Christmas Eve?" she asked.

Santa shook his head. "Not nowadays," he said. "Health and Safety put a stop to a lot of that. It's mostly e-mail and Internet, couriers on motorbikes and scooters, that sort of thing. And a lot of the work is left to subcontractors like yourself. That's why I like to drop in on them on Christmas Eve."

"What do you mean - subcontractors?" asked Sally. "I didn't know I worked for you. What exactly do I do?"

"Well according to my computer records you do quite a lot of things," he answered. "For example, what were you doing in the weeks leading up to the end of term?"

"You mean helping with the school nativity play?" she asked.

Santa nodded.

"But that's my job. I'm a classroom assistant." said Sally.

"I know," replied Santa. "But you did put quite a few extra hours in. You made a lot of the costumes here at home, didn't you? The teachers rely on you a lot. In fact without you there wouldn't be a nativity play."

"Well I always get a lot of enjoyment out of it," said Sally. "And the little ones enjoy it too. For many it's the only time they get to hear the real Christmas story."

"And it's about the only non-commercial bit of Christmas some of the parents get to hear about as well," added Santa. "It's all a great help to me."

Sally poured two more glasses of sherry, thought for a while, then said, "But I thought your job was mainly to do with giving out presents. How do I help you with that? Okay, I buy Christmas presents, but so do most other people. What's so special about me?"

Santa paused and then asked, "When do you start your Christmas shopping?"

"About August, I suppose," replied Sally, trying to think. "Yes, end of July, early August."

"Exactly," said Santa, laughing. "You're not a last-minute, socks-and-hankies-will-do sort of person, are you? You like to make sure that everyone gets a present they will appreciate. And you've taught your two boys to do the same. Your husband, on the other hand, is just the opposite."

"Tell me about it." said Sally. "If it wasn't for me, none of Bill's family would get a thing."

"Very true," replied Santa. "And that's where you're such a help to me. Plus what you do for people like old Mr and Mrs Johnson down the road. You buy them a present every Christmas, don't you?"

"Well yes," replied Sally, a bit embarrassed. "But they've got no family, apart from a niece out in Australia."

The sherry glasses were filled again and Sally went to get some more mince pies. The two of them ate and drank in silence for a while, then a mischievous grin crossed Santa's face. Without looking directly at Sally he asked, "Is your mother-in-law coming tomorrow as usual?"

"Don't remind me." retorted Sally, rolling her eyes. "She insists on coming to us every year. She's not the easiest person to deal with, poor old soul. She's never been the same since Bill's dad died. So we just grit our teeth and try our best to give her a good time. It's another Christmas tradition, I suppose, like putting the sherry and mince pies by the fire on Christmas Eve."

"And I appreciate it too." said Santa. "Not just the sherry and mince pies, but all the things you do every year to make Christmas a bit special for other people. Cheers!" he added, raising his glass.

Sally closed her eyes. By now the sherry was beginning to have a soporific effect on her. She drifted off to sleep in the armchair and was still there when her husband and the two boys came looking for her on Christmas morning.

"Oh dear," she said when she woke up. "I just came in for glass of sherry before bed and must have fallen asleep here."

"And how much sherry did you knock back for it to put you to sleep?" asked her husband, laughing.

"Just one glass," she answered, indignantly.

"Must have been a big glass," said Gary, her elder son, holding up the much depleted sherry bottle.

Her other son, Brian, was examining a large red parcel. "Where's this one from Mum?" he asked.

"I don't know," said Sally.

"Well it's got your name on it," he replied.

Sally smiled to herself. "Has it really," she said. "Maybe it's a gift from Father Christmas."