We've had more than 100 children - and we want more!

The couple from Bishopstoke met when they were still at school and had their first son when they were 20.

After the birth of their second son Carole learnt that she couldn’t have any more children so they began looking into fostering and adoption.

This year marks the 25th anniversary of them being foster parents.

In that time they have adopted two daughters and fostered more than 100 children – some for months, others for years.

“We’ve had some of the most difficult teenagers in Southampton in this house,” says Carole, 55.

But the children have all received warmth and affection and been welcomed into the family.

The couple have had children from some very difficult backgrounds, some of whom have suffered horrific abuse, such as the little girl whose hands were covered in blisters because she had been made to take things out of an oven without any protection or the boy who had been in 30 different homes by the time he came to them, aged 12.

And some of the children have been very challenging – stealing, threatening one of the couple’s children with a knife, self-harming and one even reversed the wires on all the plugs so that everything blew when it was turned on.

But, says Ken: “You can turn them around. I love the challenge.”

Indeed, the child involved in the knife incident has now grown up and is still close to the couple: “He has had a daughter and we consider her to be one of our grandchildren, the same as the others,” says Carole.

The couple’s home is filled with family photos of their huge extended family including birth, adopted and foster children.

“We have quite difficult children sometimes and we have strategies for how to deal with the behaviour,” adds Carole.

“We don’t have many rules – we treat them as part of the family.” In fact the children they foster are such a part of the family they all call Carole’s mother, who lives in an annex at the house, ‘Nan’.

The couple’s extended family buy all the children who are with them Christmas and birthday presents, as well as looking after them when the couple need a break on their own.

The pair started fostering after they looked after some friends’ children.

“Initially we didn’t want to foster because we thought it would be too hard to give them back but when we looked after those children it wasn’t hard because we knew they weren’t ours,” says Carole.

“We just loved having them around. Then we started thinking about the sorts of children who need a home, whether it be long-term or temporary, and we thought that’s what we wanted to do.”

The couple admit that when they started fostering they often found the children’s backgrounds disturbing but add that they have learnt not to focus on it.

“It pays not to think about what has happened to them and just bring them in and start afresh,” says Ken.

“We say to all of them, ‘you might have had a horrible past but you can change what happens in the future’,” adds Carole. “That’s what we’ve helped them do.”

When the couple started fostering Carole was a stay at home parent, but in 1998 she began retraining as a social worker and they switched roles, with Ken being the full-time parent and Carole working.

“Ken liked being at home so much and it worked really well so we stuck with it,” says Carole.

“It’s really good, especially for the teenage boys, to have a male role model who isn’t a stereotype.”

The couple have six bedrooms and have around five children at any one time. They currently have three children with them on long-term adoption, until they are 18, and two other children moved out last week.

“People are surprised at how calm and quiet the house is when there are so many children,” says Carole. And I can’t help noticing that it’s immaculate.

“We don’t find it at all stressful having so many children around. All the ones who are here a long time, you can’t help but love. If you know they’re not going to be here for a long time you have to protect yourself to a certain extent, but I have never had a child leave here and me not shed tears. But sometimes you know they’re going on to something better like adoption so you can’t feel sad about that.”

Ken and Carole’s dedication to the children they foster is clear – in fact Ken was recently named Foster Father of the Year by Southampton City Council , an award that he is quite humble about.

“I’m really chuffed about it,” he says.

“Whether it’s me who deserves it and not the hundreds of other foster fathers out there, I don’t know but I’ll take it on behalf of them.”

The couple have extended their home to make more bedroom space and their dream would be to have an even larger home that could function as a therapy centre for very damaged children – “but then we are doing that with everyday life,” says Carole.

And their plans for the future? To look after more children.

“I think you have to love children and have a very strong relationship with your partner if you’re fostering together to do this,” says Carole.

“I can’t see us ever stopping,” says Ken.

“I can’t either,” adds Carole, “It’s just what we do.”

SOUTHAMPTON City Council has 225 fostering households looking after just under 400 children and young people.
Hampshire County Council currently has 609 foster children placed with 523 inhouse carers and 199 children placed with independent fostering agency
foster carers.
Both councils are always keen to recruit more foster carers.
For more information take a look at the links below:
 Southampton: http://www.southampton.gov.uk/living/scchildren/fostering/ or call 0800 519 1818 

Hampshire: http://www3.hants.gov.uk/fostering.htm or call 0845 6011895.