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  • "
    Confucious wrote:
    seventh-junction wrote:
    Confucious wrote:
    I have put my order into the administrator for 3 tons of old Farton timbers - and the artisan has been commissioned to construct the 'Farton Memorial Clocks' (a wall hanging Farton frontage clock - a la the traditional Swiss chalet design).

    The artisan has devised two clever clockwork features...

    On the quarter hour a blue shirted skate gnome pops out of a Farton window saying 'tick' five times - but no 'tock'. Then out of an adjacent window a little Adolf Hitler lookalike taxman pops out and says: "Skate svinehunt, vee have veys of making you tock."

    On the hour, a blue shirted cuckoo pops out of the front door and f@rts very loudly.

    When they're ready for market, you on here will be given first call.

    A premium-priced tailor made clock can be produced to incorporate any bespoke features you may want (within technical reason). Let me know ASAP if you have any special requests.
    Can they do a really ugly tattooed gnome who comes out only at midnight and omitts a foul stench of fish and stale booze from his mouth whilst ringing a silly little bell?
    admittedly it would get a tad annoying but everytime he popped out you'd be able to laugh at him and say to the kids "Look it's that silly, smelly gnome with the obsolete name and silly tattoos of a club that used to be just down the road"
    Can do the gnome/bell but you'd have to get the bad smell elsewhere. Could try a specialist: eg Beefy Egg.com or Fannybatter.co.uk.
    To be honest, I would like to order one of these, not because I hold any dislike or resentment towards Pompey but, purely because it sounds like a very unique and well made curiosity which will grace any living room wall!!!"
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Reading draw level with Saints at Championship summit

Reading manager Brian McDermott

Reading manager Brian McDermott

First published in Saints News

Reading have drawn level on points with Saints at the top of the Championship table after beating Brighton 1-0 at the Amex Stadium.

Ian Harte’s deflected free kick on 14 minutes proved to be the difference between the sides, though the Seagulls might have got something had Ashley Barnes converted a second half penalty rather than have it saved by Adam Federici.

The three points doesn’t have too much impact on the automatic promotion situation with Saints and Reading both now on 82 points, six ahead of third placed West Ham.

However, it does up the stakes ahead of Friday night’s St Mary’s clash between the top two, who are separated only by Saints’ superior goal difference.

West Ham will no doubt be hoping that Friday’s game ends in a win for one side or the other and that they can then put on a little pressure by beating Brighton themselves at the weekend to cut the gap on one of the sides to three points with what will be three games left.

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