FIRST I would like to thank the local residents’ association for choosing to fit a speed warning sign to the lamp-post outside my house.

Second, I’d like to thank all the drivers who activate it day and night by exceeding the speed limit.

It’s on as much as it’s off and its flashing red and white lights mean I’ve been able to unplug my Christmas tree as I have free illuminations virtually in my garden.

I’d especially like to commend the drivers who manage to set it off when leaving the nearby pub.

It can’t be easy to accelerate to the necessary speed in the distance available!

Well done, you.

Finally, I’d like to invite the police to come and share my enjoyment.

NAME AND ADDRESS SUPPLIED.