Thanks for damage
TO the person, though I doubt very much if you are human, who damaged my front door on January 29. I would like to thank you very much for the inconsideration and inconvenience.
You may wish to know that I am assisting the police in every way possible to secure a conviction and I hope that they lock you up and throw away the key.
In closing, I hope the same is done to you one day and see how like it!
NAME AND ADDRESS SUPPLIED.
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