We men suffer from marriage break-ups

YOU ask the question whether the Child Support Agency is fit for purpose. The answer is, no.

The problem is not chasing around after absent parents (which is not always the father) but with both parents still having equal rights after divorce.

More often than not, the mother will find a new partner and use him to help cause difficulties over access/contact with the natural father. Dad then thinks, if he can not have proper time with his own flesh and blood, why bother paying towards his expartner’s new lifestyle?

Men are much more emotional and affected by break-ups than women believe.

If the divorce, or separation, also means losing their home, perhaps having paid the mortgage. It is a double whammy.

The knock-on effect is that the children do suffer. They need both parents to be there for them, even if at different addresses.

From what I have witnessed, when say the grandparents have divorced, so will their own children. And so will the next generation.

My divorce was in 1988, and my sons are strangers to me. And yet, I never was unfaithful.

I wrote many years ago along the lines, that a divorce should not be absolute until the youngest child has reached 18. Parents can have decree nisi, allowing them to have new partners, but not remarry. The same would apply, when there is no marriage.

Who knows, perhaps on those terms many couples would actually return to each other, having had time apart.

NAME & ADDRESS SUPPLIED.

Comments (9)

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12:53pm Thu 7 Jun 12

Shoong says...

It's always seemed strange to that a woman in a marriage can break marriage vows and then demand half the husband's wealth and get full custody of the children.
It's always seemed strange to that a woman in a marriage can break marriage vows and then demand half the husband's wealth and get full custody of the children. Shoong

3:14pm Thu 7 Jun 12

Linesman says...

Shoong wrote:
It's always seemed strange to that a woman in a marriage can break marriage vows and then demand half the husband's wealth and get full custody of the children.
Yet they are always bellyaching that they want equal rights - when it suits them.
[quote][p][bold]Shoong[/bold] wrote: It's always seemed strange to that a woman in a marriage can break marriage vows and then demand half the husband's wealth and get full custody of the children.[/p][/quote]Yet they are always bellyaching that they want equal rights - when it suits them. Linesman

1:46pm Fri 8 Jun 12

Fieldbean says...

This is a very fair letter, it covers alot of issues that are really not fair to men. Often a man has to leave the marital home with a bin liner and find a bed sit or caravan to live in until he can save a deposit for a dwelling. In Southampton there is no council house support for divorced fathers and so their children often cannot have overnight stay. The Family courts and solicitors often just are on the make taking money from single men, with few fair results for men who apply for contact.
In School children will take the name of the Step Father should the mother be remarried. If women want equal rights in the work place then perhaps they should look at the abuse of power when taking custody of children. Most men tend to keep a low profile on this subject as it traditionally has always been frowned on to protect the rights of men and fathers. Perhaps when there are less embittered divorced men running businesses around the country, women will get a fairer playing field regarding career opportunities.
This is a very fair letter, it covers alot of issues that are really not fair to men. Often a man has to leave the marital home with a bin liner and find a bed sit or caravan to live in until he can save a deposit for a dwelling. In Southampton there is no council house support for divorced fathers and so their children often cannot have overnight stay. The Family courts and solicitors often just are on the make taking money from single men, with few fair results for men who apply for contact. In School children will take the name of the Step Father should the mother be remarried. If women want equal rights in the work place then perhaps they should look at the abuse of power when taking custody of children. Most men tend to keep a low profile on this subject as it traditionally has always been frowned on to protect the rights of men and fathers. Perhaps when there are less embittered divorced men running businesses around the country, women will get a fairer playing field regarding career opportunities. Fieldbean

4:16pm Fri 8 Jun 12

Linesman says...

Fieldbean wrote:
This is a very fair letter, it covers alot of issues that are really not fair to men. Often a man has to leave the marital home with a bin liner and find a bed sit or caravan to live in until he can save a deposit for a dwelling. In Southampton there is no council house support for divorced fathers and so their children often cannot have overnight stay. The Family courts and solicitors often just are on the make taking money from single men, with few fair results for men who apply for contact.
In School children will take the name of the Step Father should the mother be remarried. If women want equal rights in the work place then perhaps they should look at the abuse of power when taking custody of children. Most men tend to keep a low profile on this subject as it traditionally has always been frowned on to protect the rights of men and fathers. Perhaps when there are less embittered divorced men running businesses around the country, women will get a fairer playing field regarding career opportunities.
A very good post, with the notable exception of the last paragraph.

Whilst I agree that women should have the same career opportunities, and be promoted on experience and ability, I think that other things have to be taken into consideration.

A man and a woman start work in a firm at the same time, with the same qualifications and doing the same job.

They both put in the hours, but then the woman gets pregnant, and takes her maximum period of maternity leave. This means an extra workload for the man, who may or may not have someone brought in to help, but is unfamiliar in the position.

The woman returns to work, and in 18 months the same thing happens, and she is on maternity leave again.

Men and women are NOT equal, and will not be equal until women can make men pregnant.

If a woman wants to be treated equally, then she should consider whether or not she wants a career in business or a career in motherhood.
[quote][p][bold]Fieldbean[/bold] wrote: This is a very fair letter, it covers alot of issues that are really not fair to men. Often a man has to leave the marital home with a bin liner and find a bed sit or caravan to live in until he can save a deposit for a dwelling. In Southampton there is no council house support for divorced fathers and so their children often cannot have overnight stay. The Family courts and solicitors often just are on the make taking money from single men, with few fair results for men who apply for contact. In School children will take the name of the Step Father should the mother be remarried. If women want equal rights in the work place then perhaps they should look at the abuse of power when taking custody of children. Most men tend to keep a low profile on this subject as it traditionally has always been frowned on to protect the rights of men and fathers. Perhaps when there are less embittered divorced men running businesses around the country, women will get a fairer playing field regarding career opportunities.[/p][/quote]A very good post, with the notable exception of the last paragraph. Whilst I agree that women should have the same career opportunities, and be promoted on experience and ability, I think that other things have to be taken into consideration. A man and a woman start work in a firm at the same time, with the same qualifications and doing the same job. They both put in the hours, but then the woman gets pregnant, and takes her maximum period of maternity leave. This means an extra workload for the man, who may or may not have someone brought in to help, but is unfamiliar in the position. The woman returns to work, and in 18 months the same thing happens, and she is on maternity leave again. Men and women are NOT equal, and will not be equal until women can make men pregnant. If a woman wants to be treated equally, then she should consider whether or not she wants a career in business or a career in motherhood. Linesman

4:29pm Fri 8 Jun 12

Shoong says...

Linesman wrote:
Fieldbean wrote:
This is a very fair letter, it covers alot of issues that are really not fair to men. Often a man has to leave the marital home with a bin liner and find a bed sit or caravan to live in until he can save a deposit for a dwelling. In Southampton there is no council house support for divorced fathers and so their children often cannot have overnight stay. The Family courts and solicitors often just are on the make taking money from single men, with few fair results for men who apply for contact.
In School children will take the name of the Step Father should the mother be remarried. If women want equal rights in the work place then perhaps they should look at the abuse of power when taking custody of children. Most men tend to keep a low profile on this subject as it traditionally has always been frowned on to protect the rights of men and fathers. Perhaps when there are less embittered divorced men running businesses around the country, women will get a fairer playing field regarding career opportunities.
A very good post, with the notable exception of the last paragraph.

Whilst I agree that women should have the same career opportunities, and be promoted on experience and ability, I think that other things have to be taken into consideration.

A man and a woman start work in a firm at the same time, with the same qualifications and doing the same job.

They both put in the hours, but then the woman gets pregnant, and takes her maximum period of maternity leave. This means an extra workload for the man, who may or may not have someone brought in to help, but is unfamiliar in the position.

The woman returns to work, and in 18 months the same thing happens, and she is on maternity leave again.

Men and women are NOT equal, and will not be equal until women can make men pregnant.

If a woman wants to be treated equally, then she should consider whether or not she wants a career in business or a career in motherhood.
Yep, see this all the time. I work at a international IT company.

Get pregnant, work is dumped on to everyone else yet we are supposed to give her a wonderful send off - yes, thanks for the extra work.

Comes back after 18 months - surprise surprise, preganant again.

Or you could the the fizz even further, go on a sabbatical for a year, come back for 2 months, go on maternity leave, back for 2 months, another baby, another 18 months paid leave.

Men and women are not equal - I'll probably get hammered for it & it's probably illegal but if I ran a small to mid size company I wouldn't employ women.

If you want children, go and do it.

Just don't expect me to pay you for it.
[quote][p][bold]Linesman[/bold] wrote: [quote][p][bold]Fieldbean[/bold] wrote: This is a very fair letter, it covers alot of issues that are really not fair to men. Often a man has to leave the marital home with a bin liner and find a bed sit or caravan to live in until he can save a deposit for a dwelling. In Southampton there is no council house support for divorced fathers and so their children often cannot have overnight stay. The Family courts and solicitors often just are on the make taking money from single men, with few fair results for men who apply for contact. In School children will take the name of the Step Father should the mother be remarried. If women want equal rights in the work place then perhaps they should look at the abuse of power when taking custody of children. Most men tend to keep a low profile on this subject as it traditionally has always been frowned on to protect the rights of men and fathers. Perhaps when there are less embittered divorced men running businesses around the country, women will get a fairer playing field regarding career opportunities.[/p][/quote]A very good post, with the notable exception of the last paragraph. Whilst I agree that women should have the same career opportunities, and be promoted on experience and ability, I think that other things have to be taken into consideration. A man and a woman start work in a firm at the same time, with the same qualifications and doing the same job. They both put in the hours, but then the woman gets pregnant, and takes her maximum period of maternity leave. This means an extra workload for the man, who may or may not have someone brought in to help, but is unfamiliar in the position. The woman returns to work, and in 18 months the same thing happens, and she is on maternity leave again. Men and women are NOT equal, and will not be equal until women can make men pregnant. If a woman wants to be treated equally, then she should consider whether or not she wants a career in business or a career in motherhood.[/p][/quote]Yep, see this all the time. I work at a international IT company. Get pregnant, work is dumped on to everyone else yet we are supposed to give her a wonderful send off - yes, thanks for the extra work. Comes back after 18 months - surprise surprise, preganant again. Or you could the the fizz even further, go on a sabbatical for a year, come back for 2 months, go on maternity leave, back for 2 months, another baby, another 18 months paid leave. Men and women are not equal - I'll probably get hammered for it & it's probably illegal but if I ran a small to mid size company I wouldn't employ women. If you want children, go and do it. Just don't expect me to pay you for it. Shoong

4:38pm Fri 8 Jun 12

Fieldbean says...

Ok Linesman, this part of the discussion could become very detailed. The first thing to remember is that Maternity leave is paid for by the governement. This is statutory maternity leave. Should an Employer decide to pay a woman more than the SMP then that is entirely up to the employer. While the woman is on leave the employer can use the money he is not paying the woman to employ someone else. Where possible a good employer will do this. After maternity leave, if the woman can still compete as well as the man in the work place, then that is just life and she will be paid the according renumeration. We live in a world of payment for results, there is little reward for effort in reality. Lastly to be fair to the fairer sex, without a replacement population our society could decline, how would an elderly population collect any pension? Women in general, all though there are house husbands out there, do a fantastic job of bringing up childen for little financial reward. My main gripe is with those opportunistic women feathering their nests after divorce at the expense of an often belittled Father who's sole purpose to that woman is then to become a cash cow for her family and new partner.
Ok Linesman, this part of the discussion could become very detailed. The first thing to remember is that Maternity leave is paid for by the governement. This is statutory maternity leave. Should an Employer decide to pay a woman more than the SMP then that is entirely up to the employer. While the woman is on leave the employer can use the money he is not paying the woman to employ someone else. Where possible a good employer will do this. After maternity leave, if the woman can still compete as well as the man in the work place, then that is just life and she will be paid the according renumeration. We live in a world of payment for results, there is little reward for effort in reality. Lastly to be fair to the fairer sex, without a replacement population our society could decline, how would an elderly population collect any pension? Women in general, all though there are house husbands out there, do a fantastic job of bringing up childen for little financial reward. My main gripe is with those opportunistic women feathering their nests after divorce at the expense of an often belittled Father who's sole purpose to that woman is then to become a cash cow for her family and new partner. Fieldbean

8:16pm Fri 8 Jun 12

Linesman says...

Fieldbean wrote:
Ok Linesman, this part of the discussion could become very detailed. The first thing to remember is that Maternity leave is paid for by the governement. This is statutory maternity leave. Should an Employer decide to pay a woman more than the SMP then that is entirely up to the employer. While the woman is on leave the employer can use the money he is not paying the woman to employ someone else. Where possible a good employer will do this. After maternity leave, if the woman can still compete as well as the man in the work place, then that is just life and she will be paid the according renumeration. We live in a world of payment for results, there is little reward for effort in reality. Lastly to be fair to the fairer sex, without a replacement population our society could decline, how would an elderly population collect any pension? Women in general, all though there are house husbands out there, do a fantastic job of bringing up childen for little financial reward. My main gripe is with those opportunistic women feathering their nests after divorce at the expense of an often belittled Father who's sole purpose to that woman is then to become a cash cow for her family and new partner.
I don't care who pays for the maternity leave, what I am pointing out is that, while the woman is on maternity leave, the man is working for the company, and gaining that extra experience, so moves ahead of the woman in 'time served' and work input.

As I previously stated, men and women will not be equal until women can make men pregnant.

Vive le difference!
[quote][p][bold]Fieldbean[/bold] wrote: Ok Linesman, this part of the discussion could become very detailed. The first thing to remember is that Maternity leave is paid for by the governement. This is statutory maternity leave. Should an Employer decide to pay a woman more than the SMP then that is entirely up to the employer. While the woman is on leave the employer can use the money he is not paying the woman to employ someone else. Where possible a good employer will do this. After maternity leave, if the woman can still compete as well as the man in the work place, then that is just life and she will be paid the according renumeration. We live in a world of payment for results, there is little reward for effort in reality. Lastly to be fair to the fairer sex, without a replacement population our society could decline, how would an elderly population collect any pension? Women in general, all though there are house husbands out there, do a fantastic job of bringing up childen for little financial reward. My main gripe is with those opportunistic women feathering their nests after divorce at the expense of an often belittled Father who's sole purpose to that woman is then to become a cash cow for her family and new partner.[/p][/quote]I don't care who pays for the maternity leave, what I am pointing out is that, while the woman is on maternity leave, the man is working for the company, and gaining that extra experience, so moves ahead of the woman in 'time served' and work input. As I previously stated, men and women will not be equal until women can make men pregnant. Vive le difference! Linesman

7:19am Mon 11 Jun 12

SotonGreen says...

The gender gap in the workplace is real but fixable. There is no reason in principle why men couldn't take the parental leave and look after the child. Some women can and do come bck to work almost immediately in high powered jobs with supportive husbands.

The real workplace challenge is between breeders who think those of us who choose not too owe them something. Flexible working, time of for child illnesses etc etc it all adds up as additional workload and stress placed on the more flexible single man or woman and inevitably work/life balance suffers
The gender gap in the workplace is real but fixable. There is no reason in principle why men couldn't take the parental leave and look after the child. Some women can and do come bck to work almost immediately in high powered jobs with supportive husbands. The real workplace challenge is between breeders who think those of us who choose not too owe them something. Flexible working, time of for child illnesses etc etc it all adds up as additional workload and stress placed on the more flexible single man or woman and inevitably work/life balance suffers SotonGreen

1:18pm Thu 28 Jun 12

Graeme Harrison says...

They're your children so I fail to see why I should pay to support them.
They're your children so I fail to see why I should pay to support them. Graeme Harrison

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